


Best Friend's Girl

by leialovesfaith



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, F/F, no supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:16:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 74,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5807602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leialovesfaith/pseuds/leialovesfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis is certain she loves her girlfriend. She's sweet and good and Laura moved half way around the globe to be with her. She is also certain that she can't stand her girlfriend's best friend, Carmilla. She's everything Elle isn't. Brash. Rude. And she seems to dislike Laura just as much.</p><p>Unless everything Laura believed isn't actually true. Unless Elle lied to her. Unless Carmilla doesn't really hate her. </p><p>Unless Laura Hollis isn't certain of anything.</p><p>(Updated a year later because I suck)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last day I"ll probably be snowed in, so I'm posting what I've edited (therefore all mistakes are mine). I almost broke it into 2 chapters, but I didn't want to leave it on a cliffhanger, which just means it's longer than normal. So the POV shifts halfway. Shouldn't be difficult to figure out.
> 
> Btw: There's an anxiety attack in this chapter. Just a head's up in case that bothers someone.

Laura was warm. That was all she cared about. She was warm and something was interrupting that. Something that apparently wanted to wake her up and disturb her warmness. Something loud. She shook her head softly as it got louder. It sounded like…

“Crap,” she whispered. She realized she was still on the couch. Carmilla’s couch. And Carmilla’s arms were wrapped around her.

Carmilla’s arms were around her because last night she’d fallen asleep on top of her after she’d…

Sweet Mother of Buffy, she was currently laying on top of Carmilla Karnstein. She slept on top of Carmilla. Not beside her or near her or… on top of her. Who sleeps on top of another human? Oh wait, she remembered. The type of person who did what she did last night before she fell asleep. She shook her head and her face warmed but this time from embarrassment. She buried her head back against the sleeping woman’s throat.

But the buzzing. She’d forgotten about the buzzing.

“Carmilla,” she raised up. “Hey. Someone is…”

Carmilla stretched and jumped a bit when she saw Laura hovering above her. She quickly hid her surprise and her blush a lot better than Laura. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Laura answered quickly. “Uh someone is…” She crawled off the girl.

The buzzer rang again.

Carmilla’s eyes went from sleepy to wide. “Shit,” she muttered, sitting up.

Laura’s phone vibrated against the table on the other side of the room. They both turned to look at it, but neither of them moved.

Carmilla picked up her own and they both looked at the screen.

_8:00 a.m._

_Elle. 21 missed calls._

She reluctantly slid her phone unlocked and opened her texts. Laura was still peering over her shoulder.

_Where the fuck is Laura?_

_Is she there?_

_She’s not answering her phone._

_And neither are you._

_She’s there isn’t she?_

_I swear to god if you did what I think you did._

_Carmilla!_

_Answer your fucking phone._

_I’m fucking serious._

_I’m coming over._

_Answer me!!!_

_I cannot believe you._

_Let me in goddamn building!!!!!!!!!!_

Carmilla frowned at Laura. “That’s your girlfriend buzzing.”

Laura frowned back. “You don’t say, huh?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and checked her phone again. “The first call was after four. Text too. Looks like she didn’t get home until late.” She took a breath. “We could just say you got worried and you wanted to talk so you…” she trailed off.

The door buzzed again.

“It’s only a matter of time before someone leaves the building and she gets inside,” Carmilla added.

“You want to lie to her?” Laura asked.

“It wouldn’t be a lie.”

No, Laura silently agreed, she guessed it wouldn’t. But she assumed Carmilla would leave out the part where Laura’d basically humped her to orgasm and then fell asleep on top of her. Not that she wanted Elle to find that out. She closed her eyes. She wanted to brush her teeth. And she desperately needed some coffee. It would be awesome to go back to sleep actually. Right back on top of the… bed. Bed. Cause who sleeps on a person? A baby? No not even babies. Babies could fall off and hit their heads and be permanently damaged and that would be terrible. Damaging babies. Laura couldn’t condone that. Even babies need beds. And…

“Hey,” Carmilla interrupted her thoughts. “Are you okay?”

Laura jumped. “Yeah. Brain babble. Ignore me.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Bad parenting,” Laura spat out before she could stop herself.

“What?” Carmilla looked confused.

“Nothing,” Laura shook her head, which was pounding. But at least the buzzing stopped. Unless…

The knock on the door startled them both and they jumped further apart.

“Fuck,” Carmilla mumbled. She frowned. “I can just ignore it?”

Laura thought about it. “I don’t have any other friends here. Not ones I’d spend the night with. If she doesn’t think I’m here, she might call the police. Or my dad,” she groaned. She quickly ran over and turned off her phone and moved it out of sight. “Answer it.”

Carmilla nodded and moved to the door. She got about half way there and stopped. She walked back over to Laura, smiled softly, and kissed her lips. “I know she’s technically your girlfriend, but…”

Laura frowned. She’d never seen Carmilla insecure. In fact, in the last day she’d several different sides to the woman. She nodded. “It’s okay,” she whispered. Was it okay? She couldn’t even process the thought. “Open the door.” She tried to smile.

Carmilla looked as if she was trying to read her face before she sighed and moved back to the door.

“Do you not know how to answer your phone?” Elle screamed when Carmilla slid the door open a crack.

“I didn’t hear it?”

Laura wondered why Carmilla felt the need to answer her with a question.

“Is she here?” Elle tried to push by Carmilla.

Carmilla held the door mostly closed. “Who?”

“Kendall Jenner. She’s my favorite and I heard she was in town,” Elle scoffed. “Laura. Is Laura here?”

Carmilla sighed and nodded. “She is.”

“Let me in,” Elle growled. “Laura,” she called into the apartment. “Laura. What're you doing here?”

Laura walked over and stood behind Carmilla. “Let her in,” she spoke softly.

Carmilla sighed again and rolled her eyes before she opened the door. Elle pushed by her and grabbed Laura’s elbow. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Laura tried to shake her off, but Elle just gripped her arm tighter. “Let me go,” Laura tried.

Carmilla, who was standing with her back against the door and her arms crossed, jumped and stalked over. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She grabbed Elle’s wrist. “Let her go.” She pried her fingers from Laura’s arm.

Elle let go of Laura’s elbow before she spun on her best friend. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Nothing,” Laura answered for her. “I came here last night because you didn’t come home. Again. And I didn’t want to be alone. Again.”

“You don’t want to be alone so you come to the one person’s house who doesn’t even like you? You expect me to believe that?”

Laura nodded. “Obviously I’m not lying…i.e. I’m here.”

Carmilla hadn’t moved. She was watching Elle. When Elle took a step closer to Laura, so did Carmilla. Laura backed up on instinct.

“Back off, Elle,” Carmilla said.

“Did you fuck her?” Elle spat at Carmilla.

Laura’s heart jumped to her throat.

“Are you stupid?” Carmilla countered.

“Not at all,” Elle said. “Which is why I’m asking.”

“No,” Carmilla spat out. “I didn’t.”

Laura could tell Elle was angry. She could tell it in her stance and the way her face bunched. But so was Carmilla. She was clenching and unclenching her fists. Laura knew Elle could be intimidating, but so could Carmilla. She didn’t like where they were headed. She didn’t like the fact that the two of them seemed to move incrementally closer to each other.

“Is this some game to you? You come back and try to pull…”

“No,” Carmilla interrupted. She narrowed her eyes. “I’m not the one playing games.” She pretended to look at a watch she wasn’t wearing. “It’s Saturday. Aren’t you supposed to be at the children’s hospital?”

It caught Elle off guard for a second but she recovered quickly enough. “I would be but my girlfriend was missing and not answering her phone. I thought it was probably pressing that I found her before I called her father and the police.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “Well as you can clearly see…she’s fine.” She waved her hand towards Laura.

“You didn’t call my father; did you?” Laura squeaked.

Elle turned around. “No. I didn’t.”

Laura let go of the breath she was holding. “You left me last night. I’ve barely even seen you in over a week and you left after you got that text. I’m tired of sitting at home and waiting for you to grace me with your presence. I’m not stupid.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elle asked. She turned back to Carmilla. “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” Laura answered. “She didn’t need to tell me anything. I figured it out when I mentioned that you’d had lunch with her. She’s a terrible liar.”

Elle’s face slowly turned into a snarl as she looked between her best friend and Laura. “Wrong. She’s actually a perfect liar.”

Laura wasn’t expecting that. She wasn’t expecting Elle to sit down on the couch either, but she did.

“You know Carm and I have been best friend since we were six years old and I found her crying on the playground?”

Laura nodded her head.

“The neighborhood where we grew up wasn’t…” Elle seemed to be thinking, but Laura thought it was probably an act and only for her benefit. “…something you’d be used to. Kids like us had to learn to…survive. It makes lifelong friends out of people. The thing is Carm and I are a lot alike. Almost like sisters in a way. And I know you don’t have a sister but you know how that is all the same. The competition. The one-upping.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Carmilla told her.

Laura was looking back and forth between the two.

“Did she tell you about Betty?”

“Shut up.” Carmilla growled.

Betty? Laura thought. Who was Betty? “No. Who’s Betty?”

“My ex-girlfriend. Then one Carmilla fucked one night before I moved to college. I was supposed to be at work, because you know I had a job… unlike some people…” She cut her eyes at Carmilla. “But that day I got off early. I had a key to Betty’s apartment. I still remember it like it was yesterday…” Elle’s snarl was terrifying.

Laura’s stomach bottomed out. She tried her best to school her features, but in order to do that she couldn’t look at Carmilla.

“Shut the fuck up,” Carmilla shouted.

“Do you know how it feels to find the only two people in the world you’ve ever trusted, betray you?” Elle asked Laura. “Because I do.”

“I’ve apologized for that!” Carmilla spat back. “Over and over again. I fucked up. I was wrong. And I shouldn’t have done it, Elle.” She looked near hysterics. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But what I did to you still doesn’t give you the right to…”

“To what?” Elle interrupted. “To get my life together? Fall in love with someone else? Move in with her? Plan our life together? Invite you back into it and trust you again?”

Laura frowned at Carmilla then. She looked scared to death. Carmilla shook her head and Laura wasn’t sure if she was shaking it at her or Elle.

“Why are you twisting this?” Carmilla asked. “Oh right because that’s what you do. You make me out to be the bad guy. You think you’re a victim? You wanna paint it like you’re the one being hurt? Do victims cheat? See girls from school? Lie about volunteering in a fucking children’s hospital? Is that what victims do??

Laura spun around. Cheating? Girls at school? It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected it, but still Carmilla never confirmed it.

“Is that true?” Laura asked.

“Laura…” Elle started.

Laura held up her hand. She wasn’t asking her. “Is it true?” She asked Carmilla again.

Carmilla sighed. “I didn’t think you could…” She shook her head, obviously angry at herself.

“That I couldn’t what? Handle it?” Laura felt a lot of emotions warring inside of her, but right now anger was winning. “You thought you needed to protect me? So you just tell me what you think I need to hear? Was everything else a half-truth, Carmilla?”

“What do you mean ‘everything else’?” Elle asked.

They both ignored her.

“That’s not why…” Carmilla tried. “Fuck,” she groaned. “This isn’t what…”

Laura closed her eyes. She couldn’t deal with Carmilla. Not right now. She turned to her girlfriend who was sitting on the couch. Elle could mask all emotion if she needed. She raised her eyebrow at Laura, waiting for the question.

Laura sighed. “Is it true? Is there a girl from school?”

“There’s lots of girls from school.” Elle shrugged. “But I’m not seeing any of them,” she finished.

It was incredibly impressive how nonchalant Elle could be when she lied. “You’re going to make a great lawyer.” Laura looked at Carmilla. “Actually, you’d both make great lawyers.”

“Laura I would never…” Carmilla started again.

And again Laura interrupted her. “What? Hurt me? Lie to me? You’ve both been lying this whole time. About one thing or another. Am I some pawn in this game you two are playing?”

“Of course not,” Elle answered. “I love you.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and scoffed. “You aren’t capable of loving anyone but yourself.”

“Is that so?” Elle asked. “You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. I believe you remember that I was capable of loving Betty. And I was capable of forgiving you. If that isn’t love maybe you need explain to me what is.”

“Except you didn’t forgive me,” Carmilla answered. “You never have. This entire thing with Laura, all those years, you’ve…”

“You think I’m with Laura because I thought you’d like her?” Elle sneered. “Jesus Christ. The level of your self-aggrandized delusions is frightening. You should get help for that.”

Carmilla looked disgusted. “You expect me, the one person who knows you as well as you know yourself, to believe that you love her? That you aren’t using her? You’re right. We both grew up in the same neighborhood. So I can say with no uncertainty that people like you don't change.”

Elle smirked and raised her eyebrows. “But people like you do?”

“You can’t even admit it!” Carmilla screamed.

Elle crossed her arms. “Neither can you.” She rolled her eyes. “What kind of person thinks that an entire relationship, a relationship of two years, is nothing but a game to exact revenge?” She looked at Laura.

“A kind of person who’s right,” Carmilla snarled. “A kind of person who knows what you’re doing and knows who you are. You don’t love her. You’re using her!”

“And you do?” Elle smirked.

Carmilla physically backed up at the question. “I didn’t…” She looked at Laura. “That’s not…” She shook with anger or fear or something Laura couldn’t name. “This isn’t about me.”

Elle raised her eyebrow, a confident grin on her face. “Oh, but it is.”

Carmilla definitely said something else. Laura heard words like game and pawn and using and love but at that point she felt her lungs just stop. She wasn’t even sure when she realized she couldn’t breathe, but she knew in that moment she couldn’t. She felt the exact same way only once before. The day she found out about her mother. She tried to remember what stopped it last time but she couldn’t.

“I’m so tired of your bullshit. I’m so tired…” Carmilla stopped suddenly and ran over. “Shit, Laura. Breathe.”

Elle jumped up as well. “She’s having a panic attack!”

“No fucking kidding!” Carmilla answered. She put her hand on Laura’s arm. “Breathe, Laura.”

Laura shook her head and grabbed her chest. She backed away from both of them. She couldn’t catch her breath and her heart was racing so hard she knew it would stop all together soon. She was going to die in front of the only two people she knew in this city. The two people who’d used her as… as a pawn. She tried to gasp. Her throat was burning.

Both women tried to grab her but Carmilla was faster. She spun Laura around and put her hands on her shoulder and pulled Laura roughly against her chest. Carmilla took a large breath and breathed out. “Do you feel me breathing?” She repeated the motion. “Breathe with me. Just exhale. You can exhale.”

Laura struggled for a moment and then closed her eyes. She concentrated on Carmilla’s chest pressed against her back. She tried to copy her movement. She pushed out a ragged breath.

“That’s it,” Carmilla whispered. She wrapped her arms very lightly around Laura and placed her palms on her chest. “In and out.”

Laura nodded and continued to take gulping breaths.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Carmilla whispered. Her hands rose and fell every time Laura took a breath. “See? You’re okay.”

“Let her go!” Elle screamed.

“Hush,” Carmilla growled. “Ignore her, Laura. I’ve got you. Just take a breath.” She waited for Laura to do so. “Another one.”

Laura continued to copy her movement. In and out. Once she had a little better control of her breathing, she felt the tears burning in her throat.

She was humiliated. She’d come over here last night and… She couldn’t think about that. Carmilla was stilling holding her. She wanted to pull away but she was afraid the panic would come back. She leaned further into the woman and let herself be held until she could calm her heart rate. She couldn’t stop the tears that pooled in her eyes, but she figured if she kept her back to them, she could postpone the moment when they figured out she was crying.

“You’re doing a good job,” Carmilla whispered.

Laura waited for her to say something else. To apologize. To break the spell, but she didn’t. She just held her.

She kept her eyes closed, even when she felt Carmilla turn her head and place her cheek against her hair. She didn’t want to know what Carmilla was looking at but then she heard Elle.

“I cannot fucking believe this,” Elle shouted. “I can’t fucking believe you. Either of you.”

Laura jumped when the door slammed shut.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about her. You’re okay.” Carmilla turned her head back and rested her chin on Laura’s shoulder. She moved her hands and put them around Laura’s waist. “Take another deep breath.”

Laura obeyed. They stayed like that for a few moments, as Laura continued to breathe. She felt Carmilla’s arms tighten, but they weren’t restricting.

“I’m so…” Carmilla started.

“Please don’t…” Laura husked out.

Carmilla nodded against her shoulder. “Okay.” Laura felt her swallow roughly and realized she was crying.

It took a lot of strength to pull away from her but Laura finally did. When she turned around, Carmilla’s lips were pursed and her eyes were red and wild. She looked scared. She opened her mouth to speak, but Laura held up her hand.

“I can’t do this right now. I don’t know what to believe but I can’t think. Not in here. I’ve got to…” go, she didn’t finish. What if Elle went back to the apartment? Where was she going to go?

She needed air. She needed to be outside. She needed to be away from everything that was buzzing in her head.

She quickly moved over and grabbed her phone and keys. “I have to leave,” she said more forcefully.

Carmilla’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears. She swallowed several times and Laura watched her throat bob. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but…” She looked desperate. “…please don’t believe her instead. I wouldn’t hurt you, Laura. I’ve been trying to do everything but hurt you this whole time.”

Laura shook her head and the ridiculousness of it all. “Good job,” she deadpanned.

Carmilla’s throat bobbed again. “Please don’t do this.”

Laura frowned. “I’m not. I’m not doing anything but getting out of here and away from the two of you for the moment. I need to think.” She shook her head. “You owe me that.”

Carmilla nodded dejectedly. “What if she’s at your apartment?”

Laura shook her head. “I’m not going back to the apartment,” she told her. She walked to the door and opened it.

“Where are you going?” Laura’d never heard her sound so…so small.

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “I wish…” she couldn’t turn and look at Carmilla and she couldn’t finish. She couldn’t say that she wished this wouldn’t have happened. She wished she could believe her.

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla choked out. “God. I’m so sorry.”

Laura kept her back to the woman but she paused before she left. “I know you want me to believe you. I’m just not sure how I can right now,” she finished, closing the door.

She pretended not to hear Carmilla crying on the other side.

* * *

Laura found herself sitting on a park bench, a cup of coffee in her hand, completely unsure how she’d even ended up there.

She wanted to think about Elle. What she was going to do about her. What Elle’d lied about. She wanted to think and figure it out and… and all she could think about was Carmilla.

Carmilla. The woman who supposedly hated her. Except she didn’t. Except she’d comforted Laura at that bar. Except she flirted with Laura and Laura flirted back. Except she let Laura into her home. Except she let Laura… do what she did last night and then she’d held her in her sleep.

Laura slept on Carmilla’s chest last night. She hadn’t even moved. She hadn’t wanted to move. Carmilla helped her breathe today.

She groaned to herself.

She wasn’t expecting the revelation about Betty. She was expecting Elle to come over, to be angry, to shout. She wasn’t stupid. But she didn’t expect Elle to say what she had about Carmilla. And she didn’t want to believe Elle. She was sure she shouldn’t believe Elle… but… what if she should? Laura was a firsthand witness to the women Carmilla ran through. Hell, she hadn’t even remembered Elsie’s name. What if Elle was right about her?

Laura tried so hard to win Carmilla over. She just wanted Elle’s friend to like her. At least that what’s she told herself for two months. Had she actually wanted more than that? She didn’t lie last night. She’d dreamed about Carmilla more than once. More than a few times, honestly. But she’d told herself they were just dreams. Everyone had them. It didn’t mean anything.

Except it did.

Laura didn’t know what to do. She took out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Who’d give her the best advice? Who’d be the most honest?

* * *

“…and after the panic attack, I left,” Laura finished. She took a deep breath. She’d just babbled and rambled through the whole story.

“Wow,” Laf said. “When I asked what was wrong I didn’t expect that.”

“No kidding.”

“I didn’t know you had panic attacks.”

“I don't. Not normally anyway. I’ve only had one other.”

“When?” Laf asked.

Laura sighed. “After I found out about my mother. It was terrifying…is terrifying. I can’t breathe and my heart hurts…” She took a breath to calm herself. “It’s awful. Safe to say I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”

“Can’t blame you there,” Laf agreed. “So what're you gonna do?”

Laura sighed and switched her phone to her other ear. “That’s why I called you.”

Laf chuckled. “I can’t tell you what to do, Laura. You should’ve called Danny if you were looking for that.”

Laura chucked back. “I know. I just want advice.”

“Okay. Put two fingers against you throat.”

“What?”

Laf sighed. “Against your pulse point on your throat.” They waited a beat and Laura complied. “Okay? Can you feel your pulse?”

“Yeah…”

“Elle.”

“Again what?”

“Elle,” Laf said again.

“What are you talking about?”

“Carmilla,” Laf answered.

“Huh?”

“Have you moved your fingers?”

“No,” Laura shook her head before she realized Laf couldn’t see her. “No. I haven’t.”

“Carmilla,” Laf said again.

“Oh,” Laura answered suddenly getting it.

“Which one made your heat beat faster?”

“Say their names again.”

“Elle,” Laf said and waited another beat. “Carmilla.”

“Oh,” Laura said again. “Okay.”

“Let me guess. Carmilla. Am I right?”

“How did you…”

“I didn’t,” Laf interrupted. “But you just told me.”

Laura closed her eyes and sighed. “What am I gonna do?”

“What do you want to do?”

It was a valid question. “I want to go back and talk to her. Find out what’s going on. God she was… I heard her crying when I left.”

“Carmilla?”

“Yeah.”

“So go talk to her.”

“What about Elle?” Laura asked.

“What about her? Laura if you don’t love Elle, you have to fix it. You owe it to yourself. I’m not sure if you owe it to either of them, but it’s not really my room to judge so I won’t.”

Laura smiled softly. “That’s why I called you. Danny’d fly over here and Perry…”

“…would just cluck her tongue and worry. You made a good choice.”

“I know,” Laura said.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you guys too. Maybe I’ll come visit soon. I’d like to see my dad too.”

“Sounds good,” Laf answered. “Now get off your butt and go get answers. You deserve them.”

Laura thanked them again, promised to keep them updated, and hung up. She stayed on the bench a little while longer. She wanted to finish her coffee. And maybe she needed to psyche herself up a little.

Finally she pulled out her phone.

_Laura: Hey_

_Carmilla: Hey. Are you okay? Where are you?_

_Laura: At the park. I told you I needed to clear my head._

Laura watched the ellipses that told her Carmilla was typing her back. Either it was a long text or she was erasing and retyping.

_Carmilla: Did it work?_

So it was the latter. For whatever reason it made Laura’s stomach flutter.

_Laura: I don’t know honestly._

_Carmilla: At least let me know if you’re okay._

_Laura: Do you care?_

_Carmilla: How could you ask me that?_

_Laura: Because I don’t know_

_Carmilla: Yes. Of course I do._

Laura wanted to believe her. She decided to be honest.

_Laura: Then no. I’m not okay._

_Carmilla: I’m so sorry._

She almost typed it’s not your fault. She was used to forgiving people. Maybe she forgave too easily? Maybe if she’d been more careful she wouldn’t have found herself here, in New York, with nobody.

Nobody? Was that true?

_Laura: I know. But it doesn’t change how I feel._

_Carmilla: How do you feel?_

_Laura: Like I’m some pawn in a game you and Elle are playing. Like neither one of you cared enough to even think about what your decisions would do. Like I have nowhere to go. Like I have no one here._

When the ellipses appeared this time, she assumed the text was longer. She wasn’t wrong.

_Carmilla: You have every right to feel that way. I thought I was helping you but that doesn’t excuse what I did. You aren’t a pawn though. And it may be a game to Elle. I don’t know. But this isn’t a game to me. You aren’t a game. And you will always have somewhere to go. You aren’t alone here. I promise._

Laura put her fingers against her pulse again. Laf often said biology didn’t lie. They were right about that.

_Laura: And Betty? Was all of that true?_

_Carmilla: Did I sleep with her? Yes. I did. Do I feel bad about it? Yes. Am I trying to repeat the past? No. No I’m not. I wasn’t drunk last night. I’m not that person anymore. I didn’t even give Betty a second thought._

_Laura: That doesn’t make me feel any better at all._

_Carmilla: I understand that it wouldn’t. But it’s true. But you… I can’t stop thinking about you. Not since last night. Or last week. Or hell, two months ago when I met you. It took everything in me not to run after you._

Laura read the text three times before another one appeared.

_Carmilla: Why’d you text me and not Elle?_

_Laura: How do you know I haven’t texted her?_

_Carmilla: Have you?_

_Laura: No._

_Carmilla: Then why?_

Because you’re the one that makes my heart beat faster, Laura thought. You’re the one that I want to see. Speak to. You’re the one I want to believe.

_Laura: An experiment._

_Carmilla: ???_

_Laura: One my friend taught me. According to the results, I didn’t have a choice. I had to choose you._

_Carmilla: Well remind me to thank your friend. You’ll have to tell me about that one day. I mean if you ever speak to me again._

_Laura: Do you want to see me again?_

_Carmilla: Do you have to ask me questions when you already know the answer?_

_Laura: Maybe_

_Carmilla: Of course I do._

Laura thought about asking her to meet her somewhere, but she realized she hadn’t changed clothes and she didn’t want to go home. She did buy a toothbrush before she stopped in the coffee shop. She decided she’d stop by a restroom and brush her teeth so she didn’t feel completely gross. She really wished she could take a shower. She was still thinking when her phone buzzed again.

_Carmilla: Will I?_

_Laura: Will you what?_

_Carmilla: Get to see you again?_

_Laura: Still at home?_

_Carmilla: Yeah. I’m not going anywhere._

Laura didn’t reply at first, so Carmilla texted her again.

_Carmilla: If you’re waiting for an invitation, this is me inviting you. Again. And you don’t have to wait for an invitation every time. It’s standing. Okay?_

_Laura: Okay._

_Carmilla: So are you coming back?_

_Laura: Give me thirty minutes._

The text ellipses disappeared and reappeared several times. Laura waited a full three minutes for the reply.

_Carmilla: Thank you._

Laura didn’t answer her. Mostly because she had no idea how.

* * *

_Thank you._

For answering me, Carmilla thought. For giving me another chance. For coming back over here.

Please come back.

She’d spent the first thirty minutes after Laura left sitting on her couch, stunned. She wasn’t sure what surprised her. Elle coming over? Not really. She’d expected that. Not even the mention of Betty because she should’ve expected that. In fact, almost nothing Elle said or did surprised her.

No. Nothing really surprised her except the depth of emotion she experienced when she say Laura’s face. When she realized Laura doubted her. When Elle used the word _love_.

She couldn’t love Laura. She didn’t even know Laura.

Except she did. She listened to everything Laura said. She knew her best friend’s names were Lola Perry and Lafontaine (they were non-binary, Carmilla remembered) and Danny Lawrence. She knew Danny and Laura dated before she met Elle. She knew her father’s name was Greg. She knew that he was protective and that Laura talked to him at least three times a week. She knew her mother died in a car accident when Laura was in high school. She knew Laura loved _Dr. Who_ and could name every villain in every season of _Buffy_. She knew Laura was afraid George R.R. Martin wouldn’t finish _The Song of Ice and Fire._

She knew she wanted to be a journalist. She knew her favorite professor’s name was Dr. Love and that Laura found that hilarious.

She knew she loved cookies and when she missed home, she’d drink cocoa because her mother made it for her as a child.

She knew Laura was a romantic. That she believed in true love. That she trusted people and wanted to make the world a better place. She knew she wanted to travel and she wanted her father to be proud of her and she wanted children.

Carmilla knew more about her than she knew about anyone else in the world. She’d told herself for so long she hated Laura. Hated the way she smiled and laughed and thought the world was black and white and perfect and good. She told herself everything but the truth. The only thing Carmilla hated at the moment was herself.

When Laura couldn't breathe, when she panicked, the only thing Carmilla could process was she had to help her. She pushed every bit of terror at the situation, at what Elle said, at what they’d done, all of it, as far down as she could and she put her arms around her and she tried to help her breath because if Laura _couldn’t_ breathe, Carmilla _wouldn’t_.

The fuckedupness of the situation was not lost on her. The only person in the world Carmilla believed could make it better and she’d let her friend, hell she’d let herself, hurt her.

She sat in her guilt until she could no longer stand it and then she’d taken a shower and lay down on the couch. She kept her phone clutched in her hand and she had to almost physically stop herself from calling or texting Laura. From checking on her. When it vibrated and Laura’s name appeared, Carmilla’s heart skipped a beat.

She knew the girl hadn’t forgiven her. Knew it would take more than some well-placed words on a phone screen, but the fact Laura was coming back, that she wanted to, was all Carmilla cared about.

She got up and made coffee. She couldn’t just sit still. Otherwise she’d be counting every second until Laura walked back through her door and she wasn’t sure she could survive the insanity that implied.

She was pouring herself a cup of coffee when the buzzer rang. She jumped at the sound invading the silence and ran over to the intercom.

“Hey,” she said as she pushed the button.

“Hey,” Laura answered. “Can I come up?”

“Of course,” Carmilla answered and buzzed her in.

She’d already slid the door open when Laura walked up.

“Hey,” Laura said again. “You took a shower.”

Carmilla nodded at the observation. “Uh yeah. I couldn’t just sit here and…” she shook her head and stopped talking. “Do you want to? Take a shower?”

Laura frowned. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Crazy thing but I actually have other clothes besides the ones I’m wearing.”

“I’m not sure I’d look good in your shorts and knee socks.”

I’d beg to disagree, Carmilla didn’t say. “I’ve got yoga pants and t-shirts you can’t see through. So the offer still stands.”

Laura studied her for a moment before she nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure you don’t mind?”

Carmilla waved her off. “Bathroom’s through there,” she pointed. “Go ahead and I’ll grab them.”

When she’d pulled out the clothes, she realized she should’ve told Laura to wait. The bathroom door was shut now. What was she supposed to do? “Shit,” she mumbled to herself before she knocked.

“Yeah,” Laura called. “You can come in.”

Carmilla shook her head and again found herself praying for strength as she tentatively opened the door.

Laura was already in the shower. The shower curtain wasn’t clear but it was definitely on the wrong side of sheer. Carmilla tried not to audibly groan and instead immediately looked up at the ceiling. “So, uh…here’s the clothes.” She fumbled for a towel under the sink. “And a towel. There are more under the sink if you need them.”

She heard the shower curtain squeak but she didn’t look down.

“Are you looking at the ceiling?” Laura asked.

Carmilla couldn't help but groan this time. Of course Laura would call her out. Jesus. “Just giving you your privacy, Cupcake.” _I thought it meant you wanted to eat me._ Fuck. “Uh…Laura.”

Laura giggled. “Are you afraid to see me naked?”

Carmilla closed her eyes. “Define _afraid_.”

“Just leave the clothes on the counter.”

Carmilla did and went to leave.

“Can you hand me the towel first? I’ve got some soap in my eyes and…”

Seriously? Carmilla thought. She closed her eyes and moved in the general direction of the shower, the towel held out in front of her.

“Are your eyes closed?”

“Maybe,” she muttered.

Laura laughed again. “Okay. Thanks for the towel,” she teased, taking it. “I’ll let you off the hook. Just be careful leaving with your eyes closed.”

“I’m trying to be respectful.”

“You can’t see anything,” Laura added. Carmilla heard the curtain squeak closed. “So do me a favor and open your eyes so you don’t trip walking out of here. If you fell and I had to jump out to help you that would just ironically defeat the whole purpose of you avoiding seeing me naked to begin with.”

Jesus Christ, Carmilla thought. She slowly opened one eye and then the other. Laura was right; she couldn’t see anything. Except she could. She could see the outline of everything. Apparently Laura spent all of her free time at the gym. So that was cool. Or... you know, whatever.

Carmilla spun around quickly. “Right. So I’m just gonna go,” she said.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Laura called behind her.

Carmilla shut the door and leaned against it, bumping her head back lightly. “What the hell, Karnstein?” She whispered. “Could you be anymore of a teenage boy?”

She heard the shower turn off and jumped away from the door, running back towards the kitchen.

* * *

Laura came out of the bathroom about ten minutes later, towel-drying her hair. Carmilla tried not to stare at the fact that she was wearing her clothes. No one had ever worn her clothes before. She liked it. A lot.

Laura smiled softly, a little shyer now that she was out of the shower.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Carmilla asked her.

Laura shook her head. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Neither am I. But I should eat and so should you. So humor me.”

Laura shrugged. “Chocolate?”

"Chocolate?" Carmilla stopped what she was doing. “Chocolate what?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You want chocolate for breakfast?”

Laura nodded.

“Okay…” Carmilla answered. “Let’s see if I have something chocolate.” She opened and closed a couple of cabinets. She turned back around. “Don’t you want something a little more nutritious than chocolate?”

Laura pretended to be thinking. “Nah. Chocolate’s good.”

Carmilla shook her head. She didn’t have any chocolate because she didn’t live with a six year old. “I have Nutella? It’s not chocolate exactly but I could make some toast and you could…”

Laura grinned. “That’s perfect.”

Carmilla nodded. She placed a bowl of fruit in front of Laura along with the Nutella and bread. “Strawberries?”

“If I can put Nutella on them.” Laura smiled, taking a drink of the coffee Carmilla handed her.

“Strictly speaking I guess you can put Nutella on anything you eat,” Carmilla said, sitting down beside her.

“Even cupcakes?” Laura asked innocently.

Carmilla almost choked on her coffee.

* * *

After they finished breakfast and Laura helped her clean, they moved back onto the couch.

“Do you feel better?” Carmilla asked and then realized how that sounded. “I mean after the shower?”

Laura nodded. “Yeah. Thank you. I’ve been thinking about one since I left.” She scrunched her face. “Well not just that, I guess. But it’s hard to think when you want a shower.”

Carmilla nodded. “I’m glad you came back. I know I don’t have a right, but…I was worried.”

Laura frowned. “I’m sorry about the whole not breathing right thing. I’ve…”

“No,” Carmilla stopped her. “Jesus. Don’t apologize for that. That wasn’t your fault.”

Laura nodded. “It’s only happened one other time.”

Carmilla noticed her hesitation. “You don’t have to tell me about it.”

Laura shrugged. “Maybe I want to?”

“Then please do.”

Laura frowned before she pushed a piece of hair behind her ears. “I was in Calculus when I found out. I hate Calculus. In fact, I hate math altogether. I always have. But I really hate it now.”

At least they agreed on something. “Calculus is evil.”

Laura smiled sweetly. “The principal came in that day and stood in the doorway. She was one of those principals everyone was afraid of, you know?”

Carmilla nodded.

“When she said we need to see Laura Hollis, the whole class started oohing liking I was in trouble.” She frowned and looked down at her lap. “I really wish that was the reason. But I just sort of knew when I saw her face. You know?"

Carmilla nodded again because she felt like she was supposed to. She didn't interrupt her though.

"There were several people in the hallway. Her. The nurse. One of the counselors. And then I saw my dad’s sister, my Aunt Stacy walking towards us. Her face... She was crying but she was trying to hide it.” She fiddled with her hands in her lap. “I knew. I think maybe I screamed the word no. I definitely screamed something. When they said, your mom… that’s when I stopped breathing. My heart…” she took a deep breath.

“You don’t have to finish.” Carmilla wanted to hold her. Do something. She had no right though, so she didn’t move.

“…my heart… I felt it break in my chest. It hurt. It physically hurt.” She finally looked up. “Have you ever felt anything like that?”

Carmilla shook her head softly. “No. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially you.”

“I’m sorry it hurt you,” Carmilla clarified. She ignored the way her stomach dropped. “I’ve heard people say that’s what heartbreak feels like. A physical pain.”

“It does.” Laura frowned. “The next thing I knew I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stop my heart from racing and I couldn’t get the air to leave my lungs. I woke up in the nurse’s office with my aunt standing over me. I passed out.”

Carmilla frowned again. “I’m sorry we made you feel that way again today. And for what it made you remember.” She felt horrible.

Laura shook her head. “I didn’t pass out. You stopped it.”

“I didn’t do anything…” …but cause it, she didn’t finish.

“You actually did,” Laura said. “You helped me breathe. When I felt you breathing I concentrated on that. Just like you said. You kept me from feeling…feeling like I felt that day.” She sighed. “So thank you.” She waited a beat. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

“To do what?” Carmilla asked.

“The panic attack thing. Where’d you learn to do that?”

Carmilla shook her head. “I didn’t. I just wanted you to breathe.”

“Oh,” Laura said quietly. “Oh,” she repeated. “Thank you then. For helping me. And for not freaking out. I felt like I was choking until you did that.”

So had Carmilla but in a completely different way. She shrugged and pressed her lips together. “You have no reason to believe me and I don’t blame you if you don’t. But I want to be honest because I haven’t been.”

Laura swallowed and nodded slowly. “Okay…”

“Your mother’s name is Anna.” Carmilla looked away from her.

“What? I…I’ve never told you that. I’m not even sure Elle knows that. My dad calls her Blair. It's her middle name.”

“I know.” Carmilla nodded. “But one night at one of those parties Elle dragged us to…you’d had too much wine. And you were sitting on the couch between us… Elle and me… and you whispered to her, my mom’s real name is Anna. Elle kinda nodded. I’m pretty sure she didn’t hear you. But I did. Even though you weren’t talking to me.”

Laura bit her lip and then realized Carmilla noticed and stopped. “Why are you telling me this?” She wasn’t being accusatory. She just seemed genuinely confused.

Carmilla realized this was one of those moments. Those moments people always talk about. When everything would change one way or another. She didn’t have a choice. She’d come too far to back out and she wasn’t sure even wanted to.

“Because I listen to everything you say,” she whispered.

“What?” Laura whispered back.

“I don’t just hear everything you say. I listen. I want to know. Since the first time I met you, I’ve wanted to know everything about you.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “I don't have any right to want that. And I figured I wouldn’t get a chance because…because of Elle and what I’d done to her and…I just needed you to get away from her." She pushed her hair out of her face once again. It was important to have something to do with her hands. "She didn’t love you. She doesn’t.”

Laura nodded. “I know.”

Carmilla nodded back. “I knew she was going to hurt you. And I wanted to keep that from happening; even if it meant I scared you away. Mostly because it would scare you away. I thought about what it would’ve been like if I hadn’t been so stupid that night with Betty. If I hadn’t made such a colossal mess of it all. Why couldn't I have met you first?” She took a breath. She rarely spoke this much. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved. I’m sorry for letting Elle lie to you. I’m sorry for lying about the girl in her cohort. For letting Elle use me as an excuse when she lied. I don’t have an excuse. Elle knew I felt guilty for what I’d done and she knew I’d lied for her. But that’s on me.” She swallowed harder this time. “I’m just sorry. And I understand if you never want to see to me again. I deserve nothing less. But if you do…” she took a deep breath and turned to Laura. “…if you do, I’d want absolutely nothing more in the world.”

Laura watched her speak. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she finally spoke. “You listen to everything I say?”

Carmilla nodded.

“Why?”

Carmilla shrugged. “You make my stomach flutter.”

“What?”

“You make my stomach flutter. You make my heart beat faster. You make me nervous.” Carmilla frowned. “You terrify me.” Before Laura could ask she shook her head. “Not you…but what you make me feel. I’ve never felt it. I wasn’t sure I even could.”

“Okay,” Laura finally said.

“I know it’s too much. I’ve probably freaked you out or…”

“No,” Laura interrupted. “It’s not. I just need…I need to process it maybe? It’s a lot to take in.”

Carmilla nodded. She was scared Laura would get up. That she would leave. That she’d never see her again. She wanted to put her hand somewhere besides her hair, anywhere, so that she could feel Laura and remind herself that she was still there.

Maybe Laura noticed. Maybe Laura could read her mind. She didn’t care. All she cared about was that Laura took her hand.

“Hey,” she said. “It’s okay. I just need a few minutes. Don’t freak out. Okay?”

Carmilla nodded again.

“Okay?” Laura tried again.

“Okay,” she found herself answering.

* * *

They sat in silence for longer than Carmilla was comfortable. Finally Laura got up and poured herself another cup of coffee.

“I didn’t even drink coffee before I moved to New York. The time change was crazy though. I couldn’t sleep and I was always tired. Elle wanted this ridiculously expensive coffeemaker. For whatever reason, I bought it for her. But I felt guilty spending that much money on a coffee machine and it not getting to do its job. So I made myself drink coffee so it would have a purpose outside of the one cup Elle made every morning.” She frowned.

Carmilla tilted her head to the side. “You started drinking coffee because you felt sorry for your coffee machine?”

Laura nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Well…okay. That’s…yeah.” She had no idea how to respond to that. Cute popped in her head quicker than she’d like, but she figured it wasn't the best time to say that.

Laura shrugged. “Anyway. Now I like coffee.” She turned back to look at the coffeemaker. “I always feel like I’m cheating on Stella when I use a different one though.”

“Stella?” Carmilla asked.

“Yeah. My coffeemaker.”

Carmilla nodded. “You named your coffeemaker.” It wasn’t a question. She just felt she needed to state it out loud so she’d believe it.

“Of course,” Laura answered anyway.

“Of course,” Carmilla repeated.

“What’s her name?” Laura waved towards Carmilla’s coffeemaker.

“Uh, I’m not sure?” Carmilla answered. “She hasn’t told me.”

Laura shook her head. "Well of course she didn't tell you. You do realize that your coffeemaker can't talk, right?"

"Okay..." Carmilla answered. "Then I guess I haven't gotten around to naming my appliances yet? Seems like a big decision and I wouldn't want to mess it up."

“She looks like a Blanche.”

“Blanche, huh?” Carmilla smiled. “You name all your appliances after Tennessee Williams’s characters?”

Laura smiled back. “Maybe.” She took a sip of her coffee and sat back down. “Also it’s kind of cool you realized where I got the names,” she muttered and bumped Carmilla with her shoulder.

“You might’ve mentioned that you wanted to see _Streetcar_ on stage once or twice. Personally, I prefer Maggie the Cat.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “You would.”

"Hey," Carmilla scoffed and bumped her shoulder back. “Liz Taylor was hot.”

“Well, if you ever get another coffeemaker you can name her Maggie.”

“Hold on. Why can’t I just name the one I have Maggie?”

Laura shook her head and Carmilla was tickled at how serious she actually looked. “Because I've already named her. Duh. If we’re gonna spend more time together, you’re gonna have to keep up.”

Carmilla nodded. “Is that what you want?”

Laura raised her eyebrow questioningly.

“For us to spend more time together?” Carmilla clarified. Why was she questioning her? Why couldn’t she just leave well enough alone?

“I think so,” Laura said.

“What if it’s not?” Carmilla asked, even though she didn’t want to.

“What do you mean?”

“What if you’re just scared? Or if you change your mind? What if Elle…”

“That's a lot of what ifs.” Laura stopped her. “Look. I don’t know what I want or what we’re doing. Until last night, I was pretty sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with your best friend.”

Carmilla shuddered. “I guess that’s my point.”

“And I would’ve made the biggest mistake of my life as well.” She sighed. “I know I’m naïve. Provincial.”

Carmilla winced as Laura threw words Carmilla had used when they first met back in her face.

Laura shrugged. “I get it. In fact, I’m well aware of what I don’t know.”

Carmilla nodded, afraid of what she was going to say next.

“But I’m not helpless. I’ve known for a while that Elle was a mistake. I was just afraid of saying it out loud. I mean that meant I’d have to admit that I’d basically given up everything and moved to another country for no reason. I’ve seriously considered just packing it all up, breaking the lease, and moving back home.”

Carmilla swallowed.

“But I don’t want to. I want to stay in school. And I love New York. I don’t need Elle in order to make it work.” She frowned. “And I don’t need you.”

“Right,” Carmilla whispered.

Laura shook her head. “You don’t understand. I don’t _need_ you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to know you. I do. I really, really do. I won’t deny what you make me feel. I used to think it was because I couldn’t stand you. That our mutual dislike was the reason my heart sped up when you were in the room. That it was why my mouth went dry. But then when you’d ignore me or pretend like I wasn’t there…Gah, I couldn't stand it. I goaded you. You forgot that little tidbit didn’t you?”

“Are you serious?”

“I played every game you did. I wanted to.”

“The last few times I’ve seen Elle you weren’t with her though. You’ve been actively ignoring me.”

Laura nodded. “Because of how I felt. Not in spite of it. It scared me.” She tried smiling. “Look, I don’t know where this is going. I’m not asking to marry you or anything. I just want it to go somewhere. Or I at least want to try to see what’s there.” She sighed. “I believe you. The things you said. I know you’re telling the truth. I don’t know why I do because to be honest, you've pretty much lied to me the entire time we've known each other.”

“That’s fair,” Carmilla winced. “But I wasn’t lying earlier.”

“I know. Hence why I said I knew you weren’t, silly.” She patted Carmilla’s leg. “I guess this is all moot and beside the point right now because I need to get Elle out of my life first.”

Carmilla nodded, attempting to process everything. “Okay…”

Laura nodded. “You know her better than I do. What do we do? Or what do I do? Go over there and talk to her?”

Carmilla shook her head. Absolutely not. Especially not alone. Elle was beyond pissed when she’d left. She needed to cool down. She needed a couple of days if not a couple of weeks to cool down.

She swallowed and wondered if what she wanted to suggest was even wise. She wasn't sure, but she suggested it anyway. “Maybe you should stay here? Just for a few days. A week at the most. Give her a chance to find somewhere else to live. If she doesn’t feel cornered you could avoid a lot of heartache. I’ll go with you to get your stuff." Because I don't trust her, she didn't add. "If she’s there you can tell her what you’re doing. If she’s not you can call her.” She shook her head because she was close to babbling. “I’m not telling you what to do. You don’t have to stay here obviously. I can get you a hotel. Or you can get a hotel. Or…”

“Breathe,” Laura smiled. “It’s okay. I don’t mind staying here. Though we might have to rework our sleeping arrangements. I’m not sure you make the best bed for me to sleep on. At least not long term.”

Carmilla closed her eyes, took Laura's advice, and breathed through her nose. A part of her thought Laura had no idea what she was doing to her. And a part of her thought she knew exactly what she as doing.

“So could we go soon? I have school Monday and I don’t want to worry about a confrontation all weekend if I can help it. Maybe I can talk to the building manager too? If worst comes to worst, I’ll pay to break the lease and find somewhere else to live. But I think you’re right for what it’s worth. Angering her won't help anything.”

“You realize if she’s there she’s going to assume the worst?”

“Would she be wrong?” Laura asked.

That was a valid question, Carmilla thought. “Would she?”

“If she assumes we’re trying to hurt her. Then yes. But if she assumes you and I feel something for each other… then no. I think she’d be pretty right about that.”

Carmilla smiled softly. “Me too, Cupcake.”

“Don’t you mean Laura?” She smiled.

Carmilla smiled. “I don’t know. I kind of like the name cupcake,” she winked.

“Fine.” Laura smacked her arm playfully. “Just don’t get any ideas about slathering me in Nutella.” She jumped up and ran to bathroom. “Too much coffee!” She called.

Carmilla’s mouth was still hanging open when Laura closed the door. She fell face first on the couch.

"Screwed," she mumbled into the cushion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update soon. Again thanks for all the comments and kudos!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm totally snowed in and I'd already written this chapter, here you go.

What the fuck am I doing? Carmilla thought.

Currently her hand was planted firmly between Laura’s thighs. Her first instinct was to wiggle her fingers, but first instincts usually got her into trouble so she pulled away. Laura’s eyes were still closed and she chased Carmilla’s lips with her own.

Fuck. What the fuck am I doing?

Laura Hollis was Elle’s girlfriend. Her best friend’s girlfriend. Her lying, manipulative, stupid best friend… but still. She was the only girl (save one) Elle’d stayed with longer than two weeks. And maybe it wasn’t for the right reasons, or fuck her maybe it was, but probably wasn’t, and here she sat in a booth in some skanky, dark bar, with her hand on Elle’s girlfriend’s…

"Fuck," Carmilla whispered.

Laura’s eyes flew open and she studied Carmilla’s face. They were both breathing a lot heavier than could be expected but could definitely be warranted. Carmilla was glad it was dark in the bar.

Even though she’d pulled her hand away, it still hovered over Laura’s lap because she couldn’t decide where else to put it. She knew where she wanted to put it but that wasn’t particularly helping her at the moment.

Laura studied her face before she bit her lip again.

Carmilla bent back over because she wasn’t made of stone and tugged it lightly between her teeth before she had time to think about it. “Please stop biting your lip,” she muttered against Laura’s mouth.

What the fuck am I doing?

Laura released a puff of air against her mouth because for whatever reason Carmilla’s dumbass still hadn’t moved.

“That was…convincing,” Laura finished.

She could feel Laura’s chest heave. It made her head fuzzy. She thought I was acting? I deserve a goddamn Oscar for that performance then, she mused. She nodded and pulled a little further away. Laura went to bite her lip again and Carmilla raised her eyebrow. Laura seemed to catch herself and let go.

Laura looked down at her lap and Carmilla pulled her hand completely away. She wasn’t sure, but she thought Laura looked a little disappointed.

“I need to…” Laura sat back a bit. “Can I run to the restroom? Before we go back?”

Carmilla nodded. Why was she asking her?

Laura scooted closer to her. “Uh, you’re kind of in…”

“Shit, right.” Carmilla jumped up and let her out.

And then she fell right back into the booth and ran her finger against her lip before she threw her head back and sighed. What the fuck am I doing? 

* * *

Carmilla paid for the drinks and watched Laura as she made her way back across the bar. The girl seemed to have collected herself while she was in the bathroom. Carmilla wished she could say the same.

Laura held out her hand. “Let’s go back to the restaurant. Okay?”

Okay. Carmilla could do this. She took Laura’s hand and ignored the spark she felt when Laura rubbed her thumb against her palm. She let Laura pull her out of the booth. Maybe she pulled too hard or maybe Carmilla wasn’t paying attention, but whatever the reason, she found herself flush against the girl. She instinctively put her hand on Laura’s hip.

Laura leaned into her. “Thank you,” she whispered in her ear.

Carmilla nodded and reluctantly pulled away. She wasn’t sure sure why she was thanking her. Laura took her hand again and didn’t let go as they left the bar.

When they got outside Carmilla tugged her hand so she’d stop. “Are you still…you know, okay with this?” she asked her. “I don’t know for sure that she’s…” Bullshit, she thought. I know exactly what the hell she’s doing.

Laura bit her lip, realized she’d bit it, and shook her head quickly. “She’s been lying to me this whole time; hasn’t she?”

Well she sure that hell wasn’t volunteering at some kid’s hospital... so yeah. How much she lied, Carmilla didn’t know. She knew Elle was messing around with some girl in her cohort, but she also knew it was something less than casual and she wasn’t sure how much more Laura could take tonight, so she didn’t mention it specifically. There wasn’t a point in hurting the girl more than they already had. Carmilla just nodded. “About some things, yeah.”

“Then yes.” Laura smiled softly. “I don’t know you at all; do I?”

Carmilla shrugged. “We’ve only known each other for two months.” She swallowed. “Look, we don’t have to do this. I can go stall her at the restaurant and you can do what I suggested. Get her stuff and change the locks. The Super will do it for you. It’s best to make a clean break here.” She meant that. She didn’t want Laura on Elle’s bad side. Elle could be vindictive. Carmilla wasn’t afraid of her, but that didn’t mean Laura shouldn’t be.

Laura shook her head. “And again, I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me what to do. Or protect me.” She frowned. “Let’s go meet her. You can read her better than I can. If you think I need to do something else, I’ll trust you.”

Carmilla frowned. “I don’t know why you’d trust me. I’ve been awful to you.”

Laura shrugged. “Something about your eyes,” she whispered.

Carmilla didn’t know what that meant and she ignored the way it made her heart thump.

* * *

The first time Carmilla saw Laura, she was hanging on her best friend’s arm. As long as Carmilla had known Elle, she’d never seen her with a girl like Laura. Or actually that wasn’t true. She’d seen Elle with plenty of girls like Laura. But she didn’t date them. Not for long anyway. When she told Carmilla about her girlfriend, Carmilla expected someone completely different. Not someone like Laura. It had to be someone different. Someone who could call Elle on her bullshit. Someone who could see through the lies. Elle didn’t want girls like Laura. Girls whose innocence was as obvious as their trust. Girls whose smiles were soft and whose eyes were kind. Girls who made Carmilla’s knees weak and her heart beat faster.

She knew the moment she walked into the room and saw Elle’s face it was a game. Carmilla knew it in the smirk Elle gave her when no one was looking.

When Elle leaned over and whispered, “Jealous? I just thought to myself; what would Karnstein do?” Carmilla wanted to punch her in the face.

Carmilla knew it was payback. Elle knew how she’d feel the first time she laid eyes on Laura. She rubbed Carmilla’s face in their relationship. She talked about her constantly. She smiled every time Carmilla rolled her eyes because Elle knew her best friend. And she knew it wouldn’t take long for Carmilla to fall for her girl.

It took Carmilla all of five minutes before she was sick of their sweet cooing and kissing and she remembered why she had to get away from her best friend in the first place. Elle could checkpoint her across a goddamn ocean. She knew Elle’d been dating Laura for over two years, but that was beside the point. Elle loved the long game. She deliberately chose someone she knew Carmilla would be attracted to. And for two months, Carmilla tried to fight it.

Maybe one night Carmilla’d been too drunk and maybe she’d slept with the one girl Elle’d ever actually loved. But she’d paid for that. She’d paid over and over again. And though she was smart enough not to say it, she did Elle a favor. The girl didn’t love Elle. She was using her. The irony wasn't lost on Carmilla. And she thought…she hoped Elle was over the betrayal. Elle let her believe she was over it. For four years she let her believe it. But as soon as Carmilla returned, she knew she’d been had.

The problem was none of what happened between Elle and Carmilla was Laura’s fault.

So Carmilla had been nothing but horrible to Laura. She wanted her to run. At first she didn’t want Elle to fucking win. But later she realized she wanted Laura to get away because she was good and she didn’t deserve Elle's leeching and sucking her dry like a goddamn vampire. She didn’t want Laura to pay for their mistakes. They’d both taken advantage of so many people over the years. She didn’t want the same to happen Laura. Of course, by that point she couldn’t tell Laura the truth. She wouldn’t have believed Carmilla even if she’d tried. So Carmilla did what she could. Not that it worked. Laura just hated Carmilla even more and fell more in love with her stupid friend.

Carmilla resigned herself to having to watch the girl get hurt. It made her mad at life, at her best friend, at herself. She thought there was probably a special place in hell for people like her and her friend. People who could hurt other people. And people who could stand by and watch it all the same.

What she almost forgot was how cocky Elle could be. Tonight’s revelation wasn’t that surprising. She remembered like always it was only a matter of time before Elle got too arrogant and screwed it up. When she returned to the States, she told herself Elle was different. Carmilla spent four years atoning and trying to be better. She couldn’t undo her mistakes, but she could make sure she didn’t make the same ones again. And she hoped against hope her friend changed as well. When she saw her that night with Laura hanging on her arm, she knew she’d been hoping for a miracle.

* * *

Elle sat in a booth against the window when they stopped outside the restaurant they’d previously abandoned. Carmilla watched her face. She was fooling with her phone and hadn’t spotted them yet. Absolutely ever instinct in her body told her to take Laura away and to not look back.

Laura let go of her hand instinctively. “Sorry,” she muttered.

“It’s okay.” Carmilla clutched Laura’s wrist. “Are you sure about this?”

She nodded, her lip between her teeth. Carmilla quirked her eyebrow. Laura quirked hers back but didn’t let go of her lip.

Carmilla had to keep herself from pulling Laura to her and kissing her in the street. She let go of her arm quickly before she did just that.

Laura winked and turned to go in the restaurant.

She didn’t groan but she wanted to. She realized just how screwed she was, even as she followed her inside.

Elle jumped up and out of the booth as soon as they walked in. She ran over to Laura and threw her arms around the smaller girl.

Carmilla stood back, a frown on her face. Elle cocked her eyebrow at her best friend.

“I told you I had to change clothes,” Carmilla rolled her eyes, sitting in the booth.

Elle cut her eyes back and pulled Laura down next to her. She pulled her closer and nuzzled her face into Laura’s neck. Carmilla thought about grabbing the fork next to her and stabbing her hand with it.

“You know how this one never notices when she’s got paint on her shirt?” Laura asked.

Carmilla wanted to scoff until she realized Laura was right. And then her stomach fluttered because that meant Laura’d noticed. She stopped herself from actually giggling because she’d just about reached her quotient of stupid and embarrassing things she could do today.

Elle nodded suspiciously.

“I came in and she was sitting here with paint all over her clothes. She said she got caught up and lost track of time.” Laura smiled at her girlfriend.

“That’s because she’s a moron,” Elle rolled her eyes.

Carmilla flipped her off.

Elle ignored her. “And you just went back to her apartment? Willingly?”

Before Laura could answer her, Carmilla spoke up. “Like I was gonna leave her here alone.”

Elle sighed. “Wouldn’t you?”

Carmilla glanced at Laura who was worrying that lip. Without thinking, she reached across the table and pulled it free with her thumb. She shook her head. “Sorry. You had something…”

Elle let out an honest to god growl. “Did you just touch her?”

"No." Carmilla tilted her head. “You imagined that.”

Elle leaned with her back against the window on the side of the booth. “What the fuck is going on?” She crossed her arms and cut her eyes between the two of them.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Carmilla countered, crossing her own arms.

Elle snarled and turned to her girlfriend with a questioning look.

Carmilla wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, but Laura hesitated. “Carm and I’ve been talking and…”

“Carm?” Elle was turning red at this point. “I have got to be dreaming.”

Laura cleared her throat. “Like I said,” she stated pointedly. “Carm and I’ve been talking and we’ve decided to bury the hatchet or whatever.” She turned to Carmilla and shrugged. “We don’t even know why we were fighting to begin with. I mean, you’ve been so busy lately, and I don’t know a lot of people outside of school and Carm’s said that we should…”

“You should what?” Elle interrupted. She cut her eyes at her best friend.

Laura sighed. “We should be friends,” she finished. She reached across the table and took Carmilla’s hand. “I think she was just afraid I’d come between the two of you. You know how it is when that happens.” She winked at Carmilla. “But I told her I would never threaten your friendship. I want you to be happy. So we’re trying to start over.” She patted Elle’s cheek with her other hand. “You don’t have to say thank you. I know you appreciate us trying.” She kissed her nose.

Carmilla smirked until she saw the kiss. She’d asked Laura earlier if she could stomach Elle for a few more days. She should’ve questioned herself instead.

“Are you gonna let go of her hand?” Elle asked.

“Oh,” Laura feigned. “Sorry,” she giggled.

“And you’ve just decided to be her friend now, huh?” Elle questioned Carmilla.

“Yes,” Carmilla nodded. “Is that so hard to believe?”

Elle raised her eyebrow back. “It’s almost fucking impossible honestly.”

“Your lack of faith in me is sad,” Carmilla answered.

Elle rolled her eyes. “But completely warranted.”

Carmilla shrugged but didn’t answer. Elle was sort of right. She groaned inwardly. What the fuck am I doing?

* * *

Dinner was well… quiet. Carmilla could feel her friend staring at her. She could imagine the earful Elle was gonna give her when she got her alone. They made small talk; well mostly Laura made small talk, because apparently the tiny woman could best even a truly uncomfortable silence.

Carmilla actively tried to ignore her best friend’s stare. They ordered a few more drinks. She knew there was no way Elle didn’t know they weren’t their first drinks because Laura was babbling even more than usual, but Elle didn’t mention it. Carmilla made note of how quiet she was actually being and realized that didn’t bode well for her.

“So tell me about your day,” Laura prompted her girlfriend.

Elle smiled at her. “I’m sure Carm doesn’t want to hear about my boring classes.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Sure I do.” She lied.

Elle narrowed her eyes before she turned back to her girlfriend. “One of the cases…”

Blah, blah, blah. Carmilla didn’t give a shit; Elle knew her well enough for that. She pretended to pay attention though. Until she felt something ghost against her calf. Fuck… okay. She tried not to move. It could only be one of two people and she doubted very highly Elle was running her foot against her leg. Being the genius she was, she went with process of elimination and tried not to close her eyes at the thought. She could feel Laura’s heel hanging half off and for some reason that made what she was doing even hotter.

Carmilla swallowed roughly and tried to nod in all the right places just like Laura. Laura continued to prompt her girlfriend. She asked question after question. Elle loved to talk about herself. What she probably wouldn’t have loved was the fact her girlfriend’s foot was at that very moment running up Carmilla’s thigh.

Carmilla gripped the drink she was holding and kept her eyes on her friend. Elle finished her stupid story around the time the waitress brought the check. Carmilla grabbed it before Laura could. She didn’t even bother worrying if Elle would grab it.

“You don’t have to do that,” Laura frowned.

Carmilla shrugged. She squeezed her thighs together and trapped Laura’s foot between them. “I feel like I owe you,” She winked.

Elle rolled her eyes.

Laura moved her foot slowly and Carmilla gripped the side of the table with one hand as it drug back down her thigh. When Laura worried her lip, she had to look away. If she didn’t something bad would happen and she wouldn’t have cared enough to stop it.

“Well, thanks or whatever for not leaving her or…” Elle trailed off.

It snapped Carmilla out of what she was thinking. “Sure,” she muttered.

Laura slid her foot away completely and Carmilla wanted to moan at the loss.

“We should be going,” Elle said. She put her hand on the small of Laura’s back, prompting her to stand.

“Right,” Carmilla frowned and followed them outside.

“Thanks for coming out,” Elle tried again. “And for not leaving Laura stranded.” She still clearly suspected something was up. And well, she wouldn’t have been wrong. Carmilla just wasn’t sure what that was.

Carmilla tried to smile.

Laura surprised Carmilla again when she jumped into her arms. “Thanks for everything,” she said. “I don’t have class on Saturdays and Elle has her volunteering so you should call me tomorrow. We can do lunch.”

Carmilla nodded at her and tried to forget how she’d just pressed against her. “Sure.”

“I’ll see if I can meet you,” Elle added.

The hell you will, Carmilla thought, as she watched them walk off.

* * *

All the way home, Carmilla wondered what the fuck she was doing. Was she just taking a bad situation and making it worse? And why the hell did she care if Laura was being played? Why now? She’d watched Elle take advantage of girls her whole life and she’d never gotten involved before. There was a time when she’d even participated. Laura wasn’t any different.

Except that she was. Carmilla knew that. She could lie to herself about a lot, but she couldn’t lie about that. Laura was…

…texting her, she realized, when she felt her phone and glanced down at the name.

_Laura_ : _You home?_

_Carmilla: Yeah. You?_

_Laura: I am._ _Think it worked?_

_Carmilla: You still want it to?_

She waited for a few minutes. She was about to text her back, when Laura replied.

_Laura: Yes. So let me ask again. Think it worked?_

_Carmilla: What’s she doing right now?_

It had worked all right. Or something had. Carmilla was still second-guessing their game. What if Elle convinced Laura that Carmilla was the one who was playing her? What if Laura told her everything and never spoke to Carmilla again. What if…

_Laura: She grilled me when we got home but then she got some text and said she forgot something at the library. She said she’d be back in a few hours._

Jesus Christ, Carmilla thought. Elle was too goddamn arrogant for her own good. One smile and she thought she was winning. If it weren’t Carmilla’s fault this was happening in the first place, she’d drive over there and smack her best friend in the back of the head.

_Carmilla: She’s a moron._

_Laura: Yeah. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been._

_Carmilla: You aren’t stupid. You’re sweet and that means you’re trusting. There’s a difference._

“Holy shit,” Carmilla moaned. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

_Laura: You think I’m sweet?_

_Carmilla: Why do you think I call you cupcake?_

_Laura: Oh. That makes sense. I thought you called me that because you wanted to eat me._

“Fuck me.” Carmilla groaned.

Before she could even form an answer to that particular revelation, Laura texted again.

_Laura: Metaphorically speaking._

Carmilla decided to let that one go.

_Carmilla: So you’re okay?_

_Laura: I figure it’s gonna hit me soon and I’ll freak out but I’m glad I don’t have to look at her right now. What are you doing?_

_Carmilla: Nothing_

Thinking about earlier.

_Laura: Would it be weird for me to come over?_

Carmilla closed her eyes. Would it be weird? She wasn’t sure she cared.

_Carmilla: What if she comes back?_

_Laura: I don’t care._

“Me either,” Carmilla answered. She hesitated before replying. If she said yes, there’d be no turning back. She couldn’t get out of it. The next text would effectively end the friendship she and Elle shared. She knew that. Elle was the only friend she’d ever counted on and Carmilla’d almost ruined that four years ago. And for all Elle’s faults, she was probably the only friend Carmilla had. But at the moment, she couldn’t for the life of her give a damn. She groaned aloud. Apparently she waited too long to reply.

_Laura: I shouldn’t have asked that. I’m sorry._

Fuck it, Carmilla thought.

_Carmilla: You know where I live._

_Laura: That’s not an answer._

Actually it was. It would be weird. Hell, it would be more than weird. It would be no turning back. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

_Carmilla: Yes. It would be weird but I still want you to come over. So this is an invitation. Please come over. Better?_

_Laura: If you’re sure?_

Was she?

_Carmilla: I’m sure._

_Laura: Okay. See you in thirty._

“What the fuck am I doing?”

* * *

Laura’d been to Carmilla’s apartment with Elle a few times and she didn’t live that far from the couple, but it still didn’t change the fact that Carmilla questioned whether or not the girl would change her mind until forty minutes later when Carmilla’s intercom buzzed.

“Hey,” Laura’s voice rang through. “Can you buzz me in?”

“Sure,” Carmilla answered. Her hand was shaking. She shut her eyes and hit the button to buzz her in.

Before Laura got there, she’d changed into a tank top and a pair of shorts. She’d briefly though about putting on more clothes, but she was so nervous she was afraid she would start sweating, and she figured that’d be the worse than being under-clothed.

When she slid open the door, Laura stood on the other side, her arms behind her back, rocking on her heels. She’d also changed. She unzipped her pullover as she stood there in a pair of yoga pants and a tight white t-shirt, her hair pulled into a loose ponytail. 

Carmilla closed her eyes and prayed for strength.

“Hey,” Laura smiled shyly.

“Hey.”

“Can I come in?”

Shit. Carmilla stepped out of her way. “Of course. Sorry. I’m…”

“A lot more nervous than you were earlier,” Laura smiled as Carmilla shut the door. “If this is freaking you out I can…”

“No,” Carmilla rushed out. “No. I’m good. Come in. Seriously.”

Laura threw her phone and keys on the table and followed Carmilla to the couch. Carmilla handed her a beer and sat down beside her.

“So…” Laura started.

“So…” Carmilla echoed. “Are you okay? I mean about everything?”

Laura nodded. “Yeah. I’ve known for a while she was lying about something. I just didn’t want to…” She frowned. “I gave up a lot moving here.”

“Meaning?”

“My friends. Family. Everyone I know lives on the other side of the ocean.” She shrugged. “It’s okay. I mean I won’t be lost when she leaves or anything. I guess I’m just mad at myself for being so stupid.”

Carmilla shook her head. “You aren’t stupid. I told you we were…”

Laura put her hand on Carmilla’s arm. “Stop. You literally haven’t done anything except try to scare me away from someone who was taking advantage of me. So don’t do that.”

Carmilla stared at her hand for a second before clearing her throat. “I was mean to you.”

“Yeah.” Laura nodded. “Possibly the wrong way to go about it?” She smiled.

Carmilla frowned.

“Don’t." Laura shook her head. "I’m not angry with you.”

“You should hate me.”

Laura shrugged. “Yeah, well I don’t like people who tell me what to do,” she winked. “Can I be honest?”

Had she been anything else? “Yeah,” Carmilla nodded. “Please.”

“She’s not my type. She’s too tall. Like way too tall. I feel like a pocket pal when I'm with her. Plus she’s arrogant. She’s always talking about herself. And she treats me sometimes like I’m a baby or delicate or…I don’t know. I hate the way she always puts her hand on my back in public.” She looked at her hands. “When I first saw your picture, when she and I first started dating, I thought…” She shook her head. “Never mind. I’m stupid.”

Oh hell no. “You thought what?”

“I just sort of thought like…wow; right? Where’s this person? Cause…whoa.” Laura blushed. “That’s embarrassing. I’m sorry.”

What the fuck am I doing, Carmilla thought before she countered, “When I first saw you, I wanted to kill her. She knew…ugh. She knew I’d like you. Be attracted to you. She even said as much.”

Laura looked up. “She did?”

Carmilla nodded.

“Well?” Laura prompted.

“She said…” Carmilla started.

Laura shook her head. “No. I don’t care what she said.” She frowned. “I just mean were you? Attracted to me?”

“Who’s not attracted to you?” Carmilla honestly asked. She saw the way people looked at Laura. Hell, she assumed that was just an added bonus for Elle.

Laura shrugged. “I don’t know? Lots of people?”

Carmilla realized she was serious. “That would be lots of gay men or straight women maybe. Otherwise…it’s not hard to be attracted to someone who’s beautiful and kind. Even if that someone hates you.”

Laura frowned again. “I said I don’t hate you.”

“Semantics.” Carmilla shrugged. “I gave you ever reason to.” She looked away.

Laura turned Carmilla’s chin so she was looking at her again. “I wouldn’t have stopped you tonight. In that bar. I’ve never let anyone touch me like that. Not in public. But all I could think was I’d let her take me in this booth. And I’d let everyone watch. I’d let Elle watch. I didn’t care.” She looked down, before she caught Carmilla’s eyes again. “I still don’t.”

Holy fuck, Carmilla thought. Okay. So… holy fuck. She took several breaths because… yeah. Holy fuck.

“You can’t say things like that. Not when I’m…” Carmilla took a drink to stop speaking.

Laura scrunched her face, confused. “When you’re what?”

Ugh. Breathe, dumbass, Carmilla told herself. “Not when I’m thinking about…” she couldn’t finish. It wouldn’t be wise to finish.

Before she could even try to think about what to say next, Laura crawled onto her lap and straddled her. “Thinking about this?” She whispered against Carmilla’s lips.

Carmilla couldn’t speak. She nodded instead. Her hands were still awkwardly resting on the couch. She moved them to Laura’s hips when the girl pressed against her.

“Am I right? Unless you don’t want to?” Laura asked, suddenly unsure.

Then she bit her lip. So maybe not so unsure, Carmilla thought.

Carmilla tried not to moan. She really, really did. But she couldn’t help it. “I… uh…” she couldn’t form words. Instead she leaned up and took Laura’s lip between her teeth. She sucked lightly before she let go. “You’ve got to stop biting your lip,” she muttered against her mouth.

“I kind of think you like it,” Laura whispered back.

Oh she had no idea.

Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura and pulled her flush against her before she kissed her again. All rational thought was buried way too deep in the recesses of her mind. The kiss was different this time. It wasn’t as sloppy or rushed and it wasn’t prompted by Elle or tricks or alcohol or… it was just Laura. And Carmilla knew in that moment she’d wanted to do just that for two months. She was so screwed, but she didn’t care enough about it to even think about stopping.

When Laura opened her mouth this time, Carmilla was more confident. She thrust her tongue inside. Laura moaned and the vibration was almost too much for her. Carmilla wondered where the hell she learned to do that? Could someone like her really not know what she did to people?

Carmilla pulled her closer and Laura wrapped her arms tighter and sank further down into her lap. When Laura circled her hips, it was Carmilla’s turn to moan. She sat up and Laura wrapped her legs around her. She wasn’t wearing jeans now and Carmilla could feel how warm she was when she pressed against her stomach.

Carmilla kneaded her fingers into Laura’s back, before she ran them under her t-shirt. She reached up and pulled Laura's hair loose. Laura shook her hair out and groaned again. Then she tightened her legs. Carmilla parted her own legs and Laura fell further into the space between them. She ground her hips against Carmilla and both of them groaned.

“Oh,” Laura gasped and pulled back before circling her hips again. Her eyes were closed and she bit her bottom lip as she concentrated.

Carmilla could do nothing but watch. She quickly twisted so they were lying down. The abrupt movement caused Laura to fall completely on top of her. She tried to catch herself, but Carmilla leaned up and took ahold of Laura’s lip yet again after she bit it. “That is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” She held Laura against her.

Laura breathed out against Carmilla’s mouth and put her forehead against hers. Carmilla thrust up her hips and Laura gave up all semblance of control of the situation at that moment. She buried her face in the other girl’s neck and panted hotly.

Carmilla tangled their legs together so she could pull her tighter against her. Laura hadn’t stopped moving her hips and Carmilla continued to thrust into her. She pulled her closer. She could feel Laura’s puffs of air every time she pressed into the girl above her.

“Oh my god,” Laura muttered. They were so close that if they’d bothered to take their clothes off there wouldn’t have been a part of their bodies not touching. Laura’s breathing began to hitch. “I think I’m…” She was humping Carmilla like a teenager at this point and it was the goddamn hottest thing Carmilla’d ever experienced.

“It’s okay,” Carmilla whispered against her head. “Let go.”

Fuck. And come all over me, she thought. 

“Oh god. Oh god… Please…” Laura rutted against her a few more times before she suddenly stilled.

Carmilla pressed her hips into Laura’s as hard as she could, pulled her closer, and buried her nose against her hair.

“Fuck,” Laura breathed out as she came. She gasped against Carmilla’s neck and circled her hips a few more times before she fell boneless against the woman underneath her.

Carmilla closed her eyes and hugged the girl on top of her. Holy fuck, she thought. I could maybe do that the rest of my life. She felt Laura trying to pull away.

“Oh god,” Laura whispered. “I’m so…”

Carmilla tightened her grip. “Don’t. Please. You’re not anything. Don’t be embarrassed. Or sorry. Please. That was the…that was one of the hottest things I’ve ever done.” She whispered against her head.

Laura buried her face further against the other woman’s neck. “I shouldn’t have…” but she made no effort to finish what she was going to say and she didn’t move.

Carmilla’s heart pounded. “Please don’t finish that. Even if you really mean it.”

Laura expelled a long breath. “I don’t mean it,” she whispered against her throat. “I may have had a few dreams about you. Where I did that.” Her voice was a whisper and Carmilla could tell she was embarrassed. “Except possibly with less clothes and maybe less schoolgirl hormones or whatever.”

Carmilla bit back another moan at the idea she’d dreamed about her. Plus the words “less clothes.” And the word “schoolgirl.” Because… Jesus Christ. She shook her head to clear it. She kissed the side of Laura’s head. She was her best friend’s girlfriend. She should feel a lot guiltier than the guilt she currently felt, which was absolutely none. She kissed Laura’s cheek and hugged her tighter. “Don’t go home tonight. I don’t care how mad she gets. We can deal with it later. But if you leave…” she took a deep breath. “Please don’t go home tonight,” she finished quietly.

Laura sighed and kissed her throat. “I won’t. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to move.”

“Then don’t,” Carmilla whispered. “Stay right there.”

Fuck Elle, Carmilla thought when Laura nodded against her and snuggled in. She knew what the fuck she was doing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos. I'm glad you guys like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An interlude, cause you know...I wanted to post one, I guess.

Laura wasn’t disappointed that Elle wasn’t at the apartment when they picked up her things. At first she was just going to get her clothes, but Carmilla suggested that she get anything that she wanted to keep long-term. She’d done what the other woman asked, but she didn’t want to believe that Elle would be that vindictive. However, she also wasn’t willing to risk her mother’s engagement ring and a few other keepsakes on misguided hope.

After she’d let her building manager know what was going on and paid for the next two months’ rent, she felt a little less anxious about the entire situation.

Carmilla had disagreed about a couple of things though. “If you pay the rent for two months, she’s not going to leave.”

Laura had listened to her but ultimately shook her head. “Then I’ll find somewhere else to live. Look, it gives her a chance to find something else. And she doesn’t really have a lot of money saved up. Plus she’s not working and this will give her time to…”

Carmilla frowned and interrupted. “…take advantage of you.”

“I guess that's one way to look at it. But we were also together for two years. And whether or not you want to admit it, that makes me kind of responsible for a lot of what's occurred. And it makes me responsible for her to a certain extent. I don’t want her to be homeless.”

"How could she be homeless when you’re literally paying for her home?”

Laura understood where she was coming from but still...“You want me to put her on the streets?”

Carmilla sighed. “No. But she’s crafty. She’d figure something out.”

“So how would you feel if this were different? If I were cheating on her? Would you want me to put her on the streets then? Or her put me out?"

Carmilla groaned. “No. Of course not. I don't mean it like that." She ran her fingers through her hair, a sign Laura was coming to understand was a sign of exasperation. "Do what you have to do. I just hate to see you do it out of some sort of misguided obligation or guilt or whatever.”

“It’s not guilt. It's the right thing to do.”

She wasn’t lying. Guilt was horrible and Laura technically tried to avoid it whenever possible. Her current situation didn’t leave her a lot of options, but she didn’t want to put Elle on the street, no matter what the woman did or didn’t do. Laura wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she thought Elle were homeless.

Carmilla hadn’t argued anymore even though Laura could tell she wanted to. Laura knew Carmilla had known Elle a lot longer than her, but Laura couldn’t… she didn’t hate Elle. And she didn’t want to leave her with no options.

When they got back to Carmilla’s apartment and got Laura’s stuff inside, she called her.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about it going straight to voicemail. On one hand, she was obviously relieved to avoid the confrontation, but on the other, she also wanted everything to just be over. She had a feeling that was probably wishful thinking. Nothing hard had ever come easy to her, so she wasn't sure why she was expecting this to be any different. 

“Hey,” she started, once the voicemail picked up. “I went by the apartment and grabbed some things. I’m thinking about just terminating the lease and finding something closer to school, but I know that you weren’t expecting any of this and I don’t want you to be without a place and…” she paused because she was rambling. She could see Carmilla in her peripheral on the other side of the apartment and she wasn’t sure if the woman could hear her or not. “…the rent is paid this month.” She decided not to tell her she’d paid for two months. “So that gives you a chance to find a place to stay. I’m really sorry about how this ended. I mean that, Elle. It’s probably best if we make a clean break or whatever, but I don’t want this to be harder on you or me than it should. If you find some place sooner or whatever, just let me know. And…uh…I hope you’re okay or whatever. Just maybe…maybe text me and let me know you’re okay so we…I... so I don’t worry.”

“She didn’t answer I’m assuming?” Carmilla asked.

Laura shook her head. “What do you think she’s doing?”

“I honestly have no idea. Probably plotting world domination. Why?”

"Not funny," Laura frowned. “I don’t know. You don’t think she’d…I mean, she wouldn’t hurt herself or anything like that?”

Carmilla shook her head. “No. I don’t think that. She’s not that type of person and you know it.”

Laura nodded. She was right. Elle wasn’t the type, but even still Laura couldn’t help but worry. “Just because I’m not in love with her doesn’t mean I don’t care about her. She sounded pretty upset when she left and…”

Carmilla sighed and sat down. “I don’t know what to tell you. Anything I say will sound like I’ve got some sort of ulterior motive. She’ll make a move, Laura. I don’t know what that is, but…I don’t think you’ve heard the last of her.”

Laura nodded again because Carmilla was right. “Are you okay with losing your best friend?”

Carmilla frowned. “I’m pretty sure I lost her four years ago. I can’t atone for my mistakes anymore. Elle’s the type of person that will trap you with what you owe her. I don’t want to be indebted to her anymore.” She patted the seat next to her and Laura sat down. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just telling you what I know.”

“Okay,” Laura answered. “You’re right. I think we should…” she stopped speaking when her phone began to vibrate. It was a FaceTime call. Her eyes got wider when she realized who it was. “It’s my dad. I didn’t even think about…” She shook her head. “Crap.”

“Want me to give you some privacy?”

Laura shook her head. “It’s fine,” she said, before she answered it. “Hey, Daddy,” she smiled into the screen. “How are you?!”

Her father’s face appeared on screen. He was frowning. “Laura Jane Hollis, do you mind telling me what the hell's going on?”

“That good, huh?” Laura asked. “I’m good too. Thanks for asking.”

Her father pursed his lips. “Where are you?”

“At a friend’s?”

“Is that a question or a statement?” Her father asked.

“A statement...a statement. I’m at a friend’s. Why?” She tried to keep her voice light.

“Let’s see,” he started. “I just got off the phone with your girlfriend. She’s informed me that you disappeared last night and she spent all night looking for you. She said she found you with her best friend. Is that true?”

Laura groaned and glanced at Carmilla. The woman had her eyes closed and was silently cursing under her breath. She figured she was cursing Elle. She didn’t blame her there.

“Technically? Yes. But…”

“So you’ve decided to end your relationship,” he interrupted, “with the woman that you followed halfway around the world. And then apparently you've also decided take up with her best friend. The woman that you said was horrible to you. The one you couldn’t stand. Is that what’s happening?”

Laura frowned and glanced quickly at Carmilla again. Her eyes were open this time, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Who are you looking at?” Her father asked. “Are you with her now?”

“Daddy, maybe if you’d let me explain instead of taking Elle’s word over mine and jumping to ridiculous conclusions about…”

“So you didn’t move out of your apartment?” He interrupted again. “Was she lying about that?”

Laura moaned. “No. I did actually. But just for the time being. Just until she can find somewhere else to…”

“And you’re at that woman’s house? Elle’s best friend? Or ex-best friend or whatever she is?”

Laura told herself to control her anger, but she was having a difficult go of it. “So if you know everything already, why call me and accuse me? You obviously believe Elle. Over your own daughter. Who by the way, you haven’t even allowed to speak.”

Her father frowned again and rubbed his forehead. “Honey, I’m not taking sides. I just want to know that you’re okay. She seems to think…”

Laura shook her head. “She seems to lie. A lot. About a lot of things. You can believe her or you can trust that I know what I’m doing. Yes. I’m at Carmilla’s. Because she has a name besides _that woman_. And yes, I’m staying here until we can work out some sort of agreement about the apartment. I’m an adult.” She frowned. “I don’t love Elle. Staying with her one more day would be stupid and cruel to everyone.”

He nodded. “Is the girl there? Is that where you are?”

“The girl?”

“The friend.”

Laura sighed. “She has a name, Daddy. You could use it.”

“Fine. Is _Carmilla_ there? Are you with _Carmilla_? Is that _Carmilla’s_ apartment your sitting in?”

“Seriously?” She groaned. “Yes. She’s here. She’s sitting next to me. But I’m not letting you talk to her. Because I’m not cruel and would rather spare her the inquisition if it's all the same. She hasn’t done anything.”

“So she doesn’t have feelings for you? Because Elle said she did the same thing with her last…”

“Elle says a lot of things,” Laura interrupted."...because again, Elle lies." She caught Carmilla’s eye again and smiled softly at her. “I guess you can decide for yourself if Elle is more trustworthy than your own daughter. I’m certainly not going to argue my point any longer when you haven’t even bothered listening to anything I’ve said.”

He frowned again. “Laura, that’s not what…”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“So she doesn’t have feelings for you? And you don’t have feelings for her?”

Laura closed her eyes and cursed her girl… ex-girlfriend. “My feelings, and hers for that matter, are absolutely none of your business. I’m sorry if you think they are. I understand you’re worried. And I know you think you have a right or whatever cause you’re a dad and that’s what they do. But you really don’t. My decisions are mine. If you want to know what’s actually going on here, I’ll be glad to tell you. But I’m not talking to you anymore like this. I’m tired. I’ll call you later on this week. I love you.”

“Laura don’t hang…”

She didn’t give him a chance to finish.

She held the phone in front of her. He of course tried to call back, but she turned the phone to private and laid it down. “Ugh,” she moaned. She turned to Carmilla. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known she’d call him.”

Carmilla frowned back. “Of course she would,” she agreed. “But it’s not your fault. Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. He’s overprotective and quick to make assumptions. He’ll cool off. Especially if I don’t answer him.” She threw her hands up in the air. “There goes any sympathy I had for her. She knew how he’d react. I should’ve known better than to give her the benefit of the doubt.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m so glad he lives on another continent.” She turned and glanced at her phone and immediately saw Danny’s name flash across it and rolled her eyes again, flipping it over. “And she called Danny. She’s been busy. So I’m just gonna ignore it completely. If that’s cool?”

Carmilla nodded. “How about for today we just don’t think about any of it? Fuck it.”

Laura smiled. “Yeah. Good plan. Where’ve you been all my life?”

Carmilla smiled and reached over and grabbed the remote. “Let’s order pizza and drink whiskey and watch something stupid on Netflix. And then tomorrow we can deal with whatever. If you want me to talk to Elle I will. I mean I’m not trying to… you know, whatever. But I know how she can be and I just don’t want…” She ran her fingers through her hair. Yep, exasperated. "I just don't trust her." 

Laura took pity on her. “I don’t blame you. It’s okay. Stop worrying. I didn’t think my dad was just going to jump on board with me shacking up with my ex’s best friend.” Her eyes widened. “Not that we’re shacking up.” She hid her face. “Oh god,” she moaned. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she mumbled. “I’m gonna stop with the talking now.”

When she peeked through her fingers, Carmilla was smiling. “What kind of pizza do you want, Cupcake? And if you say chocolate, I’m gonna…”

Laura tilted her head. “…you’re gonna what?” She bit her lip.

Carmilla’s eyebrow shot up. “I can’t think when you do that.”

Laura mirrored her eyebrow, her lip still between her teeth.

“That’s completely not fair. Seriously. You’re just trying to make me flustered.” She crossed her arms and turned away from Laura. “And it’s not gonna work. Props for effort though.” She closed her eyes.

Laura reached over and ran her fingertips quickly down Carmilla’s side.

Carmilla’s eyes flew open and she jerked and jumped away. “Did you just tickle my side?” She asked incredulously.

Laura shrugged. “Possibly. I don’t think you can prove it though because your eyes were closed. You seem to do that a lot. Close your eyes, I mean.”

“Because it removes the temptation.”

“What temptation?” Laura asked innocently.

Carmilla turned her body so she was facing Laura. She looked into her eyes but she didn’t speak.

Laura held her stare, the smile slowly drifting off her own face under the heat of the other woman’s gaze. She unintentionally worried her lip this time.

“That temptation,” Carmilla whispered in a low husk. She leaned in closer. “See at first, I thought… there’s no way she’s doing that on purpose. It’s an unintentional thing. Your eyes are so innocent. But then…” she looked from Laura’s lips back to her eyes. “…then I realized maybe you weren’t as unaware as I thought.” She leaned over until she was just a couple inches from Laura’s face. She bit the air close to Laura’s lip.

Laura gasped.

“So when you do that,” she continued, still close enough that Laura could feel each word she spoke against her mouth. “I just want to take it between my teeth…” she licked her own lips. “…and suck.” She pulled back a tiny bit so she could look in Laura’s eyes. “Hungry?” She whispered.

“Uh…” Laura blinked several times. “Uh…huh?”

“Are you hungry?” She whispered again.

Laura nodded dumbly. She felt Carmilla’s hand move, but she couldn’t stop staring at her face. Therefore, she was a little shocked when Carmilla slipped her telephone into her hand. “Me too,” she winked. “So order us a pizza.” She pulled back and sat against the couch.

Laura, for her part, couldn’t move. It took a few seconds for her to even realize she was holding Carmilla’s phone. She blinked again. “That was cruel.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Turnabout, Cupcake.”

Laura sat back, Carmilla’s phone in her hand. “You shouldn’t challenge me. That’s insane. I mean seriously. I’m an only child. I don’t even understand sharing. And I definitely don’t like to lose.”

Carmilla did look at her then. “We’ll see…”

“Fine,” Laura huffed. “Unlock your phone so I can order your pizza.” She handed it to Carmilla who did as she was told and handed it back. “I’m also getting one of those giant cookies. Cause you know…chocolate,” she challenged.

Carmilla smirked. “You get your way now. I’ll get mine later.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Carmilla shrugged and turned on the television. “Can’t give away all my secrets.”

Laura laughed. “Yeah. You aren’t really pulling off that whole air of mystery vibe as well as you think you are.”

“Give me time.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “What kind do you want?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Whatever. I’m easy.”

Laura smiled back. “Good try. I’m not going there. You’re just gonna have to eat whatever I tell you to.” She leaned over next to Carmilla’s ear. “And I mean the pizza, Ms. Mystery,” she whispered.

She watched Carmilla close her eyes and take a deep breath.

“Or maybe I don't,” she whispered before she sat back.

Carmilla threw her head against the back of the couch.

* * *

“I can’t believe I just sat through a two and half hour documentary about a stupid fish,” Carmilla muttered around the cookie she was eating.

Laura shrugged. “You told me to pick.”

“Clearly I gave you too much power then. Because you pick poorly.”

“Uh, you didn’t have to keep watching it. I asked you if you wanted to find something else after the seventy-fifth sigh. Which by the way, dramatic much?” Laura took a drink. She was trying to temper herself because getting drunk with Carmilla Karnstein in the middle of a Saturday afternoon was really not a smart move to make.

And Carmilla was right technically. The fish movie was really stupid. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it.

“We should’ve watched that drug lord one. If you’re stuck on documentaries at least pick ones where people’s lives are in danger or something.” Carmilla scrolled through the selections.

“The fish’s life was clearly on the line.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Well thank god he survived. I wasn’t sure I could take the suspense.”

“You know, even though I no longer think you’re an asshole, you’re still an ass.” She rolled her eyes. “How about we play a game?” She suggested.

Carmilla stopped scrolling and raised her eyebrow. “I’m listening…”

“Twenty questions. I get twenty and you get twenty. And we have to answer them. No matter what.” Laura took another drink. 

"I thought you meant a drinking game."

Laura scoffed. "You're drinking. It's a game. Just continue to drink. Honestly, it gives us a chance to get to know each other better. I mean think about it...we're going to have to share a small space for a few days and there are some things I'd like to know about you."

"Such as?"

Laura shrugged. "I'm curious by nature. And I know how you are about sharing, so if we make it a game, maybe I'll get some questions answered."

“That sounds incredibly dangerous actually.”

“Well, if you’re afraid or whatever, we can watch your cocaine movie instead.”

Carmilla scoffed. “I didn’t say I was afraid. I said it sounded dangerous. Maybe I like a little danger.”

Laura laughed. “I’m pretty sure that whole badass persona thing you’ve got going on is just an act, Cutie,” she drawled.

Carmilla rolled her eyes at Laura. “Fine. I’ll bite. Let’s play. Your suggestion so you go first. Ask away, Cutie,” she drawled back.

Laura smiled. “Okay. Have you ever been in love?”

Carmilla’s eyes widened. “What the hell? You can’t start with favorite color or whatever?”

Laura shook her head. “Your favorite color is black. Not that I'm not a genius, but seriously don't insult my powers of deduction. And it’s not a game unless one of us gives first. I plan on winning so I’m hitting hard. So again, have you ever been in love?”

“How many passes do I get?”

Laura shrugged. “One.”

“Okay. Then yes. I’ve been in love.”

“With…”

Carmilla held up her hand before Laura could finish. “You get one question at a time. So my turn.”

The smirk she wore made Laura’s stomach jump. I may have made a mistake, she thought.

“Where’s the wildest place you’ve ever had sex?”

Laura almost spit out her drink. Damn it, she thought. “Okay. I’ll answer, but I think we should caveat this game with no judging. Cause if you start judging, I automatically win.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure I can get on board with that. Also, you don’t get to change the rules when they don’t suit you. But hey, no judgment here. So answer. Or you know…pass. I’m sure I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than that.”

“My grandmother’s kitchen.”

“Are you joking?”

“Is that another question?”

Carmilla crossed her arms. “Fine. Your turn.”

“Who were you in love with?” Laura quickly asked.

“Pass,” Carmilla said. “Next question.”

“Wait a minute,” Laura started. “You’re gonna pass that? Seriously? Do you think that’s wise?”

Carmilla nodded. “Very. Next question.”

Laura smiled innocently. “Okay. If you’re sure?”

Carmilla nodded again. “Positive.”

“Fine,” Laura pretended to be thinking. “What’s the wildest fantasy you’ve had…”

Carmilla went to answer.

“Nope.” Laura held up her hand. “I’m not finished with the question. What’s the wildest fantasy you’ve had about me?”

Carmilla was in the middle of raising her glass to her lips. She stopped, mid-rise. “What?”

Laura shrugged. “You passed on the last one. I mean unless you want to give up and declare me the winner.”

Carmilla sat the glass down on the table and turned to face Laura."Okay. Fine." She put her arm on the back of the couch. “Remember that party, the one with Elsie?”

So she did remember Elsie, Laura thought. “Wait? Is that a question for me?”

The other woman rolled her eyes. “No. I’m setting the scene. Do you want to know?”

Laura nodded. “I remember.”

“You were sitting on Elle’s lap that night. You had that sundress on. The blue one. And you were drinking something. I don’t even know what it was. Something fruity, but it had one of those little straws in it. The ones meant for stirring and not sucking. You kept moving it to the side with your tongue, which I thought was ridiculous…like why didn’t you just take it out? But whatever. You kept moving the straw to the side and licking the salt or sugar or whatever was on the rim of that glass. You ran your tongue all the way around the rim every time you took a drink. Over and over, your tongue would snake out and you’d lick it. I kept watching your tongue. The way it twisted…”

Laura’s heart sped up. “Okay…”

“Gonna let me finish? Because you asked…”

“Sorry. Yeah. Go ahead.”

“You were wiggling on her lap. You couldn’t be still. In fact, I can’t believe she just sat there, honestly.” She shook her head. “But anyway… Elle just sat up suddenly because she’s a fucking idiot… and about dumped you on the floor, but instead you threw your arms out. You remember?”

Laura nodded. She was drunk that night. She landed half on top of Carmilla. Normally that would’ve caused a snarl or a nasty comment, but she figured Carmilla was as drunk as she was, because instead she caught her around the waist.

“I caught you.”

Laura nodded.

“Yeah. And you didn’t move. You just sort of stayed half on top of me. And your face was really close to my neck. I could feel you breathing.” She took a deep breath. “Anyway, you were still holding the drink. And most of it was gone, but a tiny drop splashed out.” She leaned over and pulled Laura’s t-shirt away from her chest by the collar. “And it fell down here,” she continued, running her finger down the hollow of her throat very close to her cleavage before pulling back.

Laura swallowed but was smart enough not to speak this time.

“All I could think about was taking you by the shoulders, throwing you down on that couch, and lifting your sundress up so I could find it. With my tongue,” her voice went deep at the end. “I even caught myself holding on to the bottom of your dress when you stood back up. I think if Elle hadn’t walked back in, I probably would’ve done it.”

Laura’s breathing had gotten heavier. When Carmilla licked her lips, she closed her eyes.

“Not the raciest fantasy I’ve had probably, but definitely the one that I was closest to attempting,” she finished and leaned back. “My turn.”

Laura’s eyes popped open. “Huh?”

“My turn. Unless you’re done. And you know…I win.”

Laura shook her head. “Nope. I’m good,” she forced out. “Ask…uh ask away.”

She was pretty terrified of just what she was going to ask now.

Carmilla smiled. “Who were you thinking of the last time you touched yourself?”

“Pass,” Laura breathed out and took a drink.

“Oh come on. Are you kidding me?”

Laura shrugged. “Pass.”

“Fine. If no one would’ve noticed, what would you have let me to do you in that bar last night?” She smirked.

Laura groaned. “I changed my mind. I’ll answer the last question.”

“No way. You can answer this one. Or you can forfeit. Your call.”

“Fine,” Laura shot back. She scrunched her face, thinking. “There was really no way for you to know this but my ear and my neck are really sensitive. When you breathed into my ear, I couldn’t think. And then you licked my throat,” she shuddered involuntarily. “I mean, I wouldn’t have let you undress me or anything but it was dark in there. And as you probably remember from last night, it’s sort of easy for me to find a rhythm if I concentrate. When you put your hand there…” she closed her eyes. She could feel herself blushing. “I wanted to move against it. I think if I could’ve just moved my hips maybe you’d have gotten the point and helped me. You really wouldn’t have even had to unbutton my pants. Seriously. The pressure of your hand was enough. It wouldn’t have taken much at all.” She took another drink, because she needed it for what she was about to say. “I’m glad I was wearing jeans. Because I was so wet it was uncomfortable. When I went to the bathroom I had to take off my underwear and put them in my purse.” She didn’t look Carmilla in the eye when she said the last part; instead she busied herself by pouring another drink. “But I guess, technically speaking, if you’d asked I’d have let you unbutton my pants. I’d have let you put your hand there without a barrier. I’d probably have let you fuck me in that booth. I mean… if that’s what you’re asking,” she finished finally looking up.

Carmilla was gripping the back of the couch so hard her fingers were white. Laura watched how heavy her chest fell. She looked like she couldn’t breathe deep enough.

Laura bit her lip.

“You win,” Carmilla said, before she pounced, pushing Laura down against the couch. When she fell on top of Laura, she kissed from her collarbone to her neck. “You win,” she breathed into her ear.

The move and Carmilla’s knee between her legs caught Laura off guard. “What do I win?” She panted.

Carmilla nipped at the skin behind her ear. “Whatever you want,” she husked out.

“Oh,” Laura breathed out. “In that case…” She grabbed Carmilla’s wrist and moved it to the top of her pants. “Want to see if I'm wearing underwear this time?” She asked, when Carmilla rose up at the movement.

She felt Carmilla slip the tip of her fingers under the waistband. She closed her eyes because she must’ve realized Laura wasn’t teasing. “Is this wise?”

Laura took a heavy breath to calm herself. “I don’t know.”

Carmilla leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. She slipped her fingers further past her waistband. “You have to be sure.”

Laura’s breathing was ragged and uneven. “It’s kind of hard to think when…when you’re…”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “I really want to touch you.” She laid her hand against Laura’s stomach. “But…”

“But?” Laura asked.

“But…I don’t want this to be just about sex.”

Laura nodded and closed her eyes. “Then you’re probably gonna have to move your hand. Because if you don’t it’s quickly going to become about sex.”

Carmilla groaned, obviously frustrated, and pulled her hand out, before she sank down against her. “How do we play this?” She whispered.

Laura wrapped her arms around her. She brushed Carmilla’s hair off her forehead, when Carmilla laid her head on her chest. “I thought you didn’t cuddle.”

Carmilla buried her face against her. “I don’t,” she mumbled, hugging her back.

“What do you call this?”

“I’m just comfortable.”

“Clearly,” Laura giggled. She reached for the remote on the coffee table. “Let’s watch your stupid drug lord movie. That'll kill any residual desire I have.”

Carmilla flipped her head over so she was facing the television. “Fine,” she whined. “If we aren’t going to…at least I got to pick the movie this time.” She moved to rise up.

Laura held her against her. “Nope. You said I win whatever I want. So I want you to stay there.”

“Fine,” she whined again, laying her head back down dramatically. “Ugh,” she groaned, snuggling against her.

“Or you can get up, if you want.” Laura decided to call her bluff.

“No!” Carmilla grumbled. “Now turn on the movie and be still.”

Laura started the movie. She kissed the side of Carmilla’s head. “Thanks for letting me stay…”

“Hush,” Carmilla interrupted. She pressed her lips against Laura’s chest in a soft kiss. “No talking,” she whispered and rose up to kiss her on the lips before she settled back in.

Laura sighed. She’d just broken up with her girlfriend, had a panic attack, and moved in with her pseudo enemy. The pseudo enemy who didn’t snuggle. But who was currently snuggling against her. She smiled to herself. Only Carmilla Karnstein could talk her into watching a movie about cocaine drug lords and murder and then cuddle on top of her while they were watching. Even after the first thirty seconds of the movie and someone had already been riddled with bullets and Laura’d already jumped twice. Laura kissed her head again. She didn’t care what they were doing or watching or talking about. She could think of absolutely nowhere in the world she’d rather be though than right where she was.

She wasn’t sure what that meant or if it was smart. But she was more than sure in that moment she didn’t give a damn one way or the other.


	4. Chapter 4

When Carmilla woke the movie was over and Laura was pressed into her back, her arm thrown around Carmilla’s waist. And her face was sore.

Holy shit, she thought, is my face sore because I was grinning? In my sleep? She closed her eyes and bit down a groan. What the hell is wrong with you, Karnstein?

She didn’t have to answer herself. It was pretty evident what was wrong with her. And it had a lot to do with a tiny human pressed not uncomfortably close against her back. She could feel the rise and fall of Laura’s chest and knew immediately she was asleep as well.

Which, what did she expect really? They’d both only slept a few hours last night and then drank way too much this afternoon. Couple that with the insanity that had developed over the last twenty-four hours and a nap seemed to be in order. She glanced at Laura’s phone on the table in front of her. She couldn’t see from where she was lying, but she was pretty sure that Danny person was calling again.

Before she could even process what that meant, Laura popped up from behind her. “Whoa! I fell asleep. What is it with you and your couch? It’s like some type of weird couchy hypnosis or something.”

Carmilla groaned and wondered if Laura always woke like a cracked out bunny. Who’s that excited to wake up? “What the hell does couchy hypnosis mean?”

Laura shrugged and watched her sit up. “My grasp of adjectival descriptors takes a few minutes to fully blossom after I’m asleep.”

Carmilla couldn’t hide the massive eye roll that elicited. “You’re quite full of yourself sometimes.”

Laura shrugged. “That implies I’m arrogant, which implies I’m mistaken about my intelligence. And I’m not. So I see your full-of-yourself and raise you aware-of-my genius.”

“I don’t even know what that means and I don’t have the brain power right now to try and figure it out.” She frowned at the television. “But I do wish I knew how the movie ended. Damn.”

“I don’t think your drug lord got as lucky as my fish.”

“Probably not.” She glanced at Laura’s phone. “I think that Danny person called again.”

Laura groaned. “God. Could Elle be any more predictable? It’s like she’s tattling to everyone I know.”

Carmilla nodded. “At least they don’t live here and haven’t popped in or anything. Cause that would be awkward.”

“Yeah. And Danny’s like six-two and she doesn’t let you forget it. If she’s trying to intimidate you, I mean. Which she’d totally be doing probably because it’s what she does.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “Didn’t you date her?”

Laura nodded, distracted. “We didn’t eat that whole cookie; did we?”

Carmilla scooted the cookie box over. “No.” She turned to Laura. “You dated someone a foot taller than you?”

Laura frowned around the bite she’d just taken. “How’d you know I dated her?”

“We’ve established I actually listened to you on occasion.”

“Yeah. So what? Haven’t you dated someone taller than you before?”

Carmilla pretended to think about it. “I’m not much of a dater.” Fuck, she thought. “Usually,” she quickly corrected. “But…maybe a couple of inches? It’s hard to tell when…” they’re lying down, she didn’t add and wondered quickly if her brain was still asleep.

“When what?”

“When they’re just a little taller. I don’t know. A foot seems…like excessively taller or something.”

“Hey,” Laura pouted. “I’m actually five-two and a half, so a foot is stretching it.”

“Excuse me. Eleven and a half inches. Eleven and half inches seem excessively taller.” And she also figured Laura was fudging the half, but she let it slide. “How did you…you know…” And apparently her _grasp_ of verbal descriptors was just as poor as Laura’s adjectives.

“What?” Laura asked, genuinely confused.

“You know…do stuff or whatever?”

“You mean stuff, like hang out and go get pie stuff or stuff like naughty, sexy stuff?”

Good lord, Carmilla thought, trying to find a way to say it. When the hell couldn’t she talk about sex? “Sex stuff. I don’t give a shit about when you had pie.”

Laura looked confused. “I don’t think height matters as much when you’re lying down. Unless I’ve been doing it wrong?”

Carmilla highly doubted that was the case. “Yeah, I guess not. If you only had sex lying down maybe.”

Laura’s eyes widened at the implication. “Oh…uh…Danny wasn’t that adventurous. And she was clingy. Not a good combination really. I didn’t really participate in standing sex until Elle.”

Standing sex? What the… Yuck. Carmilla’d walked right into that one. “Yeah. Never mind.”

Laura shrugged. “You asked.”

I did, she thought. What she didn’t ask for was the stupid white-hot jealously that flared as soon as she mentioned Elle. The thought of Elle even touching Laura, something she’d seen Elle do a hundred times (though not exactly like that…) made her stomach turn. She tried to hide her scowl before Laura noticed.

Too late though, since Laura slowly raised her eyebrow. To her credit, she didn’t say anything, but Carmilla could tell by the slight grin on her face she’d figured it out anyway. Laura wasn’t what one would call subtle most days.

“Maybe I should just answer,” Laura said, when she noticed her phone ringing again.

Carmilla followed her gaze. Why the hell did everyone FaceTime her? What happened to good old-fashioned texts and I don’t want to talk to you because I’m socially awkward types of communication? She shrugged. “It looks like she’s gonna just blow up your phone until you do.” She watched Laura bend over to grab it. “It’s kind of late there, though. Right?”

Laura frowned. “Yeah. I doubt that’d stop her.”

Carmilla bit back a retort telling her never mind then and not to fucking answer it.

Laura was sitting much closer to her now. Carmilla’d only gotten a glance of her father and she was A-Okay with that because he was frigging huge and a little terrifying based on what she’d seen. However, she got a front row seat to Ms. Danny Lawrence and her six-two, giantess scowl.

“Laura! I’ve called you like twenty times. I thought you were dead!” The groot spat out as soon as Laura answered.

“Well hello to you too, Danny. How are you on such a lovely evening?” Laura countered. “As you can see…I’m perfectly fine. And perfectly alive. Not dead. So no need for all that.”

“Who’s that?” Danny asked.

“Who’s who?” Laura asked back.

“Are you kidding me, Hollis? Who’s the person you’re sitting next too?”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. She had a feeling the giant ginger knew exactly who she was.

Apparently so did Laura. She dramatically turned to the side Carmilla wasn’t on. “Someone’s sitting beside me? Who? Where?” She looked at Carmilla. “Do you see anyone, Carm? There’s not a ghost in here or something; is there? I don’t do well with ghosts.”

“Not that I’m aware,” Carmilla answered and ignored the use of the nickname and the flutter it gave her. “But maybe your ginger friend has some supernatural ghost-seeing ability. Redheads or whatever.”

Laura nodded. “Good point. What does the ghost look like, Danny?”

Danny rolled her eyes. “Haha. You can stop playing games now, Laura. I assume that’s Carmilla.”

“Wow, I can’t pull anything over on you, can I?” Laura smiled.

“So you’re the one that’s fucking over my sister, huh?”

It took Carmilla a full ten seconds to even process what that meant. “Sister? You mean like sorority sister?” She couldn’t help it when she started laughing. “I forgot Elle was in a sorority. God, that’s priceless.” She tried to control her giggling.

Laura elbowed her, smiling. She turned back to Danny. “As you can definitely see no ‘fucking’ over of any kind is going on.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes at Laura’s choice of words.

“We’re just watching Netflix. Absolutely no chill though. Absence of chill,” Laura added.

Carmilla wanted to frown but chose not to. She wasn’t sure why this Danny giant needed to know that one way or the other.

“Laura, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I spoke to Elle and you need to talk to her. She’s beside herself. You can’t just end a relationship of two years because you had a fight. And from what she’s told me about her friend…” She made a point of making eye contact with Carmilla, “…you can’t trust her. You know how you jump into things and…”

“Danny…” Laura tried to interrupt.

“…and how when you do that; you get hurt. Elle’s upset and she just wants to make it work and then you…”

“…Danny,” she tried again.

“…are apparently playing house with her best friend. Have you even thought about what she is…”

Carmilla had had enough. She took the phone from Laura. “All right, Clifford, you get to shut the fuck up now.”

Danny wasn’t expecting it apparently and she paused long enough for Carmilla to get going.

“I don’t know you and I’m not particularly sad about that at the moment, but you’ve pretty much been blowing up Laura’s phone. From across the ocean. Based seemingly on some flimsy information you received from your sorority sister,” she drawled out. “So maybe you can shut the fuck up and let Laura explain or you can the hang fuck up and let us go back to our evidently ‘chill-less’ Netflix.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “Do you even know what that means?”

“Yes, Laura. I’m quite aware,” Carmilla countered.

“Well there was no chill. There was a nap. I guess we could call it Netflix and nap, but that makes it sound like something my grandmother would do. Except I doubt she’d watch a movie about a cocaine drug lord. She’d probably like the fish movie though. I should probably call her soon, actually. Remind me to ask her about it. Not Netflix and chill, the documentary, I mean. She actually is good at suggesting...”

“Laura!” Both Carmilla and Danny said at the same time.

“What?” She asked.

"Babbling," Carmilla smiled. "It's cute but..."

"You think I'm cute?" Laura trilled.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and went to speak but was interrupted.

“What’s going on with you two?” Danny asked.

Laura bunched her face and Carmilla really wanted to kiss it. Like really wanted to kiss it. She couldn’t believe the amount of restraint she was exercising because of the redheaded behemoth on the phone.

“I’m not explaining what is happening with Elle and me because frankly, and I’m sort of getting tired of telling people this, but it’s not your business. I don’t really care what Elle told you. As far as Carmilla goes…what exactly do you think is going on?”

The question caught Danny off guard. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…what do you think we’re doing, Danny?”

“I…uh…I mean…I just know how sometimes you’re a bit…you know…”

Whoa, Carmilla thought. What an idiot.

“I’m a bit what?” Laura baited.

“Nothing,” Danny mumbled. “Nothing. I’m sure you’re good and know what you’re doing,” she conceded.

“Exactly. Because I’m an adult…and I feel like we’ve had this conversation about a bajillion times but whatever… you aren’t my dad. I don’t need another one, Danny. Good intentions or not. I can make my own decisions.”

“Fine,” Danny snapped. “But don’t come crawling to me when this blows up in your face.”

“Seeing as she’d have to crawl across an ocean, I don’t think you’ll have to worry,” Carmilla offered.

“Not helping,” Laura mumbled.

“Whatever,” Danny countered. “You sure know how to pick ‘em, Hollis.”

“Clearly,” Carmilla said, waving her hand towards the phone.

Laura giggled. “Again. Not helping.”

Carmilla shrugged and grabbed the remote. “I’ll be quiet.”

Laura smiled at her friend. “Look. I’ll talk to you later on in the week. We’re on a mission to find the worst documentary on Netflix. Right now I’m winning, but that’s because I’m better at most things and I just win more.”

“Or it’s because I don’t know it’s a competition until after the fact and you don’t tell me the rules.”

Danny did smile at that. Though Carmilla figured it was not for her benefit. “Yeah, you should probably get used to that, Elvira.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Point taken, Xena.”

Laura frowned. “That’s not a good insult.” She smiled at Danny. “Though Elvira was creative, so point to you.” She turned to Carmilla “But Xena is hot. You should try harder.”

“Hey,” they both exclaimed at the same time.

Laura shrugged. “Talk to you later, Lawrence,” she trilled and effectively ended the call. She smiled at Carmilla. “So…let’s see what you got,” she waved towards the television.

Carmilla rolled her eyes again and scrolled through the documentaries looking for something that could beat that ridiculous fish movie. She couldn’t help but smile to herself though. She wondered just how many people Laura Hollis had wrapped around her finger.

* * *

“You take the bed,” Carmilla said, fully exasperated with the conversation at this point. “I can sleep on the couch. Truly the amount of times I’ve slept on that couch is beyond counting. I don’t care.”

Laura shook her head, her arms crossed. “That’s dumb. Why are we still talking about this? You’re not sleeping on the couch.”

“You’re a guest.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “Forgive me if I’m slow to believe that you care that much about hospitality.”

“Okay…so that’s offensive,” Carmilla countered. “I can be polite if the situation calls for it.”

“Right. And so can I. So if you don’t won't to sleep in the bed with me, then I’m sleeping on the couch.”

Wait, what? “Huh?”

“You heard me,” Laura said.

“This isn’t about me not _wanting_ to sleep in the bed with you, Laura. This is about me not…” Carmilla trailed off, unsure how to finish. This is actually about me really _wanting_ to sleep in the bed with you, she didn’t say.

Laura just nodded smugly.

Carmilla groaned. “You’re completely turning this around. I didn’t mean it that way. I just figured if we were gonna not… you know… whatever… we should probably remove the temptation.”

“Well as desirable as I am apparently, I trust you not to jump me in my sleep, Carm.”

Fuck, Carmilla thought. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just not used to sharing a bed with…” Goddamn it, she thought. Shut the hell up.

Too late. “You’re not used to sharing a bed with someone? Right,” Laura nodded. “Cause they don’t stay over. Okay. I get it.”

“Obviously you don’t. I didn’t mean it like that either.” She frowned. “I don’t want to screw this up, Laura.”

“Afraid if you sleep with me then that’ll be it?” Laura asked. “Just another notch on your non-existent bedpost?”

Carmilla tried to think about whether that was fair and realized, hell no, it wasn’t. “Is that what you think of me?”

Laura shrugged and waved her hand around. “You’re not really making a convincing case against it.”

“Right,” Carmilla nodded. “So you think all of this has been some elaborate scheme to get in your pants, which by the way, if I recall I was pretty much given the green light to do not five hours ago.” She narrowed her eyes. “And chose not to. But whatever.” She crossed her arms back. “Tell me how you really feel.”

Laura frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Please enlighten me then.”

“You’re the one who said that you weren’t used to women staying the night. What am I supposed to think?”

“How about you believe me? Cause I’m pretty sure I sort of laid it all out for you earlier. Do you need more clarity than that?”

“No,” Laura conceded. “I’m…I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know why you’d even like me.”

Carmilla sat down on the edge of her bed. “We’ve pretty much been through this. It’s not that I mind sharing a bed with you, Laura. It’s just that I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you. And unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of expertise in this area. I mean it’s not every day that I fall for my best friend’s…” fall? Jesus Fuck, shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Again. Too late. “Fall?”

Carmilla groaned, closed her eyes, and fell back on the bed. She covered her face with her hands. “I’m shutting up now. If you want to sleep in the bed with me, sleep in the bed with me. But be forewarned, I’m serious about this. I don’t want to mess it up. Which, by the way, bully me. Because it goes against every grain of my humanity to sleep in the bed with a hot girl and not touch her.”

“You think I’m hot?”

Carmilla moved her hands from her eyes. “Please tell me you got more out of what I just said than that.”

Laura nodded and bit her lip.

“Don’t bite your lip.” Holy Jesus, she thought. “Can you just not for one night? Like just be adorable, dorky Laura and not hot, sexy, I want to fuck you, Laura.”

Laura laughed. “Oh my god. That was actually really sweet in a completely dirty way. You’ve got a gift.”

“Thanks,” Carmilla mumbled. Right now she felt like the only gift she had was her lack of ability to filter whatever the hell was in her head.

“Okay. I’ll sleep in the bed with you. But be warned. I can’t temper my hot, sexy, You wanna fuck-me-ness. Cause that’s my gift.”

“Of course it is, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, popping up. “Fuck. Pajamas.”

“Fuck pajamas?” Laura asked. “That’s not the best way to go if we want to curb the temptation.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “No. I don’t sleep in them.” She flung open a drawer and rifled around for something appropriate. “I’m going to change and get ready for bed. And then we're going to bed. To sleep. And then tomorrow we’re… oh, hell… I don’t know what we’re doing. But whatever. We’re sleeping tonight. Got it, Cupcake?”

Laura mocked saluted. “Aye aye, captain.”

“Dork,” Carmilla mumbled, flinging open the bathroom door.

“Hot, sexy dork,” Laura corrected, giggling.

Carmilla hit her head against the back of the door and wondered if this was the definition of karma. If it was, she was screwed.

* * *

After she’d spent about fifteen minutes in the bathroom psyching herself up for whatever the hell she was about to not do, she let Laura get ready while she crawled into bed. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to wait on her, or just turn on her side and go to sleep. She had no experience in this area. Like zero. She could count on her hand the number of times she’d shared her bed with someone and every single one of those times, she’d been too drunk to give a damn.

At least, based on Laura’s choice of clothing on a normal day, Carmilla wouldn’t have to worry too much about whatever she was putting on or doing in the bathroom. Or she thought that was the case, until Laura bounced back out in a tank top and shorts that really… could you even call those shorts? Who were they made by, Toddler’s R Us? They were tiny… like they legally couldn’t be called shorts probably.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was the stupid, half-messy bun her hair was in and the glasses… what the hell? She didn’t know Laura wore glasses. Or that glasses could be that fucking sexy.

“Did you forget your pants?” Carmilla asked.

Laura looked confused and actually looked down at her legs. “No. Why?”

Smug little shit. “Didn’t know you wore glasses?”

“Just when I read, which I plan on doing before I go to sleep…if that’s okay?”

Carmilla shrugged and reached over to Laura’s side of the bed (really, she thought, don’t think about it as her side...) and flipped on the light for her. “Be my guest.”

“Thanks,” Laura smiled and bounced down next to her.

She bounced a lot, Carmilla realized.

Carmilla opened her laptop. She meant to answer a few emails today. She had an exhibition coming up and there were some details she needed to iron out. She figured now was as good a time as any. Specifically if she was going to ignore the woman who was sitting in bed beside her, actually fucking reading. With her tongue peeking out. And the side of her lip in her mouth.

Yep, emails, she thought.

“This quickly became weirdly domestic,” Laura observed about ten minutes later.

Carmilla finished typing and turned to her with a questioning look.

“Just us, you know… doing this, I mean.”

“You didn’t do this with Elle?” She asked, regretting it immediately afterwards.

Laura frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

Carmilla decided to let it go.

“I don’t not like it, by the way,” Laura started. Apparently determined to not let it go. “I just…I guess I just expected something else.”

“What? A mirrored ceiling? Seduction music?”

“No, smartass.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow.

“It’s wrong to be thinking it, right?”

Hell yes, Carmilla thought. Or hell no. But probably yes. “Thinking what?” She settled for.

“I mean we’re adults, right?”

Carmilla nodded.

“And who do we have to answer to but ourselves? It just seems… I don’t know like we’re fighting a losing battle and we don’t even want to fight it to begin with.”

“Laura…” Carmilla started.

“I know. I know. I get it. It isn’t wise. It’s impetuous and stupid and…and really, really tempting.”

“Agreed. On all counts.”

“You,” Laura finally answered.

Carmilla still wasn’t used to the lack of segues in Laura’s conversations. “Huh?”

“When you asked me earlier who I thought about the last time… you know… you. But you already knew that.”

Holy mother of Christ, Carmilla thought. She closed her eyes and whimpered. She could feel the bed shift and she knew Laura moved closer and seriously… like why do I have zero willpower around this woman, she wondered.

She slowly, very slowly, opened one eye. Laura was half-hovering above her.

“Want to know when that was?” Laura asked.

“Yes.” She nodded and then very quickly shook her head. “I mean no. No no no. Nope.” She closed her eye. “I don’t. Not at all.”

“Too bad,” Laura breathed out. “It might’ve possibly been this morning. In your shower.”

Carmilla’s eyes flew open. “Bullshit.”

Laura shrugged, nonchalantly. She hadn’t moved. “Well that was the last time, anyway.”

“Fuck,” Carmilla whined. She literally whined and shut her eyes again.

“I mean can you blame me? I had this idea in my head. You seem to be so…so aggressive. I just figured that would transfer to the bedroom or whatever. There’s something about the idea of you dominating me that used to get me all worked up.”

For the second time her eyes flew open. “Used to?” Was she serious?

Laura shrugged, playfully. “I mean who knew you were this little cuddle bunny instead. All Ms. Manners and proper etiquette. It’s totally torpedoed my fantasies.”

Carmilla sat up. The move startled Laura, who leaned back on her knees. “You know, if someone just continues to throw a ball at me over and over, at some point, I’m gonna catch and hurl it back.”

Laura cocked her eyebrow. “I don’t have a ball.”

Carmilla grinned slyly. “Maybe not. But you’ve been throwing something at me.” She sat up fully and Laura backed away instinctively. Carmilla put her hands out in front of her and crawled towards Laura. “The thing is…I think you want to play. And… well, you can only tease it in front of my face for so long before I give in and decide to pounce…and take it.” She crawled closer until Laura fell back on the bed and she crawled, hands and knees over the top of her. She hovered there. “Once that happens, you’re gonna have to just hang on. Because you asked for it, Cupcake. So one chance, Laura Jane. Tell me now. If you want to stop this, we’ll stop it. I’ll go back to answering my emails and you can go back to reading and not tempting me at all. Want to stop?”

Laura was lying underneath her. Her chest heaving. She looked a little afraid, but not of Carmilla. More of what Carmilla was about to do. She shook her head though.

Carmilla lifted one hand and took Laura’s glasses off her face. She reached over her and placed them on the table, before she moved back. “You’re sure?”

Laura nodded.

“Use your words, Cupcake.”

“Yes,” Laura husked out.

Carmilla tilted her head in a smug smirk. “Then buckle up, creampuff. Because your Saturday night just got a helluva lot more interesting.” She whispered.

She kissed Laura, softly at first. When Laura tried to take control of the kiss, Carmilla stopped. “Nope,” she breathed against her lips. She was still hovering above her. “This is my show now.”

She slid her mouth down the side of Laura’s neck and bit and nipped her way down her collarbone before she traced her lips back up the column of her throat. Laura was breathing hotly below her.

Carmilla nipped her earlobe and let out a warm breath that made Laura shudder. Laura immediately fisted her fingers in Carmilla’s hair holding her in place, when Carmilla began to suck at the exposed skin of her neck.

“God,” Laura breathed out.

Carmilla smiled against Laura’s neck and continued her assault. She moved slowly down Laura’s throat, licking and sucking at the skin above her collarbone. She ran her hand down Laura’s body, the one not holding herself up, and slid her hand under Laura’s shirt. She used the back of her hand to move Laura’s top up; all the while she kissed a trail to Laura’s breasts. When her lips met her own hand, she nipped at the skin right above Laura’s right breast and then abruptly stopped and rose up.

Laura opened her eyes, stunned.

“Sit up, Cutie.”

Laura nodded. And Carmilla relieved her of her shirt. She looked down at the shorts Laura was wearing. And before Laura could say anything, she pushed them down Laura’s legs and kicked them off with her on feet.

“Oh,” Laura mumbled when she fell back against the bed.

Carmilla sat up and let her eyes run the length of the woman below her. She’d imagined this several times, but she was pleasantly surprised at how much better the real thing actually was. She smirked to herself and trailed her hands up and down Laura’s body, from her knees to the sides of her breast and then ran them in a crisscross motion down her stomach and the tops of her thighs. She continued to run her fingertips everywhere, but the exact place, she suspected based on how much she was writhing at this point, that Laura wanted to be touched.

She quickly took off her own shirt and kicked off her pants as well, still keeping one hand on Laura’s stomach, rubbing up and down her sides. And then she lay flush against her before Laura could even process what was happening.

Carmilla bit back the moan. The way she fit against the woman…it was too much. It was like she was supposed to be there. Laura stared at her, eyes half-lidded, before she opened her legs and Carmilla fell between them.

“Fuck,” she muttered, when she felt how wet Laura was already.

She ground her crotch against Laura’s and closed her eyes because she wanted to concentrate on the wet sounds it made. She took Laura’s hands and held them in hers, on either side of Laura’s head.

“Do you feel how wet I am, Laura?” She breathed against Laura’s ear.

“Uh-huh,” Laura tried to answer.

She ground down again. Laura pumped her hips upwards to meet her. She gripped Carmilla’s hands tighter. “Don’t move,” Laura said.

“All that teasing you’ve been playing at all day, and when you walked out in those shorts and those glasses…I’ve been wet for ten minutes thinking about your hot little body underneath me. Thinking about…” she leaned closer to Laura’s ear, kissed her neck, and husked out. “…thinking about rubbing that wetness all over your body. The sounds it would make,” she thrust down against her. “The way…fuck…the way it makes me clench.”

“God,” Laura cried.

“I…want…to…feel…you…all…over…me,” she gasped out between each thrust.

She let go of one of Laura’s hands, and quickly trailed her fingers down Laura’s body and when her fingers dipped in-between Laura’s folds, she flopped down against her. “I love that you’re wet, Laura.” She ran one finger up and down, gathering the liquid, before she circled her clit. Just once.

Laura bucked wildly.

“Do you like that?” Carmilla asked. She rose up again and was hovering over Laura. She kissed her deeply and then moved back to look into her face. “Do you?”

Laura nodded.

“Use your words.”

Laura gripped Carmilla’s fingers tighter in her hand. Every time Carmilla would trace her folds and then circle her clit with that one finger, she whimpered. Laura moved her other hand to grasp the sheet beside her.

“Use those words you never seem to run out of,” Carmilla said, when she circled her clit. “What do you want?”

“Inside me,” Laura whimpered.

Carmilla stilled her movement for a moment and then slipped the tip of one finger in Laura’s opening. “Like this?” She barely moved. She bent closer to Laura. “Or like this?” She breathed against Laura’s lips, and thrust her finger inside.

“Uhhh,” Laura’s eyes flew open. “Like… uh…”

Carmilla stilled her hand again. “Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me. Please fuck me.”

Carmilla crashed their mouths together when she fell on top of the girl. She thrust her finger inside and circled her inner walls, before she worked another one in as well. “This? Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” Laura breathed out against her mouth with each thrust of Carmilla’s fingers. “Please.” She wrapped her arm around the woman and then wrapped her leg around Carmilla’s waist. Carmilla still held her other hand.

Carmilla used the movement to her advantage so that she could thrust deeper. Laura rocked her hips in time with Carmilla’s thrust. And then at the last second, moved one thigh down so that Carmilla had no choice but to straddle it when she put it between Carmilla’s legs. Carmilla wasn’t expecting it, and she let out a moan as she slid against the tight muscle of Laura’s thigh.

“I like when you ride me,” Laura whispered.

“Fuck,” Carmilla growled, grinding down on her thigh. She thrust harder into Laura ever time she ground down against her leg.

She tried to kiss her but at this point it was more just a sloppy mess of lips and tongue and breaths and Laura was so warm and tight and wet and she could feel her own wetness dripping down Laura’s thigh. Every time Laura thrust up, Carmilla ground down and plunged her fingers with more force into Laura.

“Keep them inside me,” Laura breathed out. “I want you to fill me.”

“Fuck,” Carmilla moaned again and did what she was told.

Laura put her hand on Carmilla’s ass and forced her to ride her thigh. It hit Carmilla’s clit just right and she slipped another finger into Laura, trying to fill her.

Both of them were erratically moving, thrusting against each other, swallowing each other’s breaths and intermittent moans. She felt Laura’s walls tighten and flexed her fingers. Laura’s hips began to buck, which caused her thigh to clench. She gripped the woman’s fingers tighter.

“I’m gonna come,” Laura husked out. “But I want…I want you…I want you to come on me,” she breathed.

Carmilla felt the tightening in her stomach at every word Laura spoke. She ground down hard, so hard her legs bowed out and she thrust her fingers as deep as she could hoping it was enough.

When Laura pressed her thigh up once more, Carmilla was fucking gone… “Fuck,” she muttered, panting through the orgasm that washed through her. She was still rubbing against Laura when Laura came, her insides pulsing against Carmilla’s fingers.

“God, Carm…fuck.” Laura gasped out. “I’m…fuck…” she moaned and breathed heavily through it. “I’m coming,” she said in a strangled voice.

The feeling and the sound of Laura coming undone was too much and Carmilla came again, rubbing herself obscenely on the other woman’s thighs before falling, weightless on top of her. Her fingers were still inside Laura. She didn’t want to take them out. She didn’t want to move. She’d have been happy to stay right there, rubbing against Laura all night.

“God,” she moaned, when felt her own wetness on Laura’s leg. She pulled her fingers out slowly and went to get off her.

“No. Stay. Right there.” Laura said, pulling her back down. She grabbed Carmilla’s ass and rubbed her against her leg again. “Don’t move.”

“It’s wet.”

“Not wet enough,” Laura countered. She slid her fingers between Carmilla’s legs. “But I think I can do something about that.”

Fuck, Carmilla thought, when Laura entered her.

She wasn’t sure she’d survive the night.

Too bad she didn’t give a fuck. Laura Hollis killed me with orgasms. Put that shit in her obituary. Hell, put it on her tombstone.

“Fuck,” she breathed out when Laura started pumping her fingers inside her and using her thigh to thrust them deeper. Carmilla sat up more fully so that she could actually ride Laura’s fingers.

It didn’t take long. Just the thought that she was basically humping Laura’s hand, riding her, was enough to send her over the edge again. She whimpered this time and then closed her eyes and just let go. Content to do whatever Laura wanted. And to go wherever Laura took her.

* * *

…which she was soon learning was to the edge of her sanity. This was a realization she came to about five minutes after she woke up to find that Laura, who’d done more than actually rocked her world last night, was wearing Carmilla’s headphones (which fine that was actually kind of cute) and dancing around her apartment, obsessively cleaning (and okay, still kind of cute).

And sure, Laura was trying hard to be quiet (hence the headphones) but it was like seven thirty in the morning and who gets up that early? Also, where were all of Carmilla’s clothes? The ones she’d strategically thrown in calculated piles of clean, somewhat clean, and yeah, definitely not clean.

“Cupcake?” Carmilla groaned, looking at the clock. “What are you doing?”

Of course Laura didn’t hear her. Because of the music.

“Laura!” She screamed and then winced when she realized the other people in the building probably didn’t want to hear her shrill yells this early in the morning. Although to be fair, they should be used to the noise.

Laura did turn off the vacuum though. “Yeah?”

“What exactly are you doing?”

Laura tilted her head, confused. “I’m vacuuming, which by the looks of your floor, I understand could be confusing.”

“Where did you find that?”

“Find what?”

“The vacuum.”

Laura frowned. “Are you serious? It was in the closet over there. Along with all sorts of other things you could actually use to clean. Do you have a cat?”

It was too early, Carmilla thought. “What?”

“Cause there’s hair all over the place. It couldn’t possibly all belong to you.”

It probably doesn’t, Carmilla almost said. “Uh, no. No cat. Not at least to my knowledge.” She sat up, realized she was naked, and for whatever reason that was completely baffling to her, because she was never embarrassed, she blushed. She pulled the sheet over her chest and reached for a shirt, which of course, Laura had apparently moved.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the sudden bout of spring cleaning or whatever, but…”

Laura shrugged. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

“No. I can sleep through a lot. You’d be surprised. Just don’t know…you know…where any of my clothes are.”

“Oh crap,” Laura frowned. “Right.” She grabbed a t-shirt out of one of drawers. “I threw all your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I figured I could hit the laundry room later. I have things that need washing too.”

Carmilla frowned and took the shirt. She quickly threw it over her head. Again, a slight wave of embarrassment rising to the surface. “You don’t have to wash my clothes. I do know how to use a washing machine.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Laura smiled.

“Well, since you’ve taken all my clothes hostage, do you mind grabbing me a pair of pants or shorts or something?”

Laura nodded and then stopped. “Are you embarrassed for me to see you naked?”

Carmilla groaned. Apparently Laura calling her out was gonna become a normal thing. “No,” she whined.

“Cause you kind of look embarrassed…” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Do you want to talk about…”

“No. Not really at all. Let’s not talk about it. Seriously. Like you said. We’re adults and we don’t have to answer to anyone.” And we’re allowed to colossally fuck up our lives by doing something both incredibly ignorant and even more incredibly satisfying. Why was life so complicated? She wondered.

Laura frowned and bit her lip.

Incredibly satisfying and tempting to repeat, Carmilla thought. “I’m getting one of those shock collars that I can activate every time you do that.” She gestured to Laura’s mouth.

I can’t help it you find me irresistible.” Laura giggled.

She had no idea, Carmilla thought. “Seriously. Why’re you cleaning?”

“I mean…you’re letting me stay here and everything. I didn’t want to not contribute. I feel like I’m taking advantage if I don’t do something. Plus, you know I’m a morning person and you’re clearly not…” she waved her arm. “…so it gives me something to do.”

"That's ridiculous. You aren't taking advantage of me. I invited you," Carmilla frowned. “Hey, wait...why would you think I wasn’t a morning person?” She raised her eyebrow.

Laura gave her a look like she had to be kidding. “Really?”

“Well okay, I’m not usually. But…you know…maybe I’m trying new things.”

Laura smiled at that. “Maybe you are. Maybe we both are.” She went to speak again, but Carmilla’s phone rang. She raised her eyebrow. “You normally get calls this early on a Sunday?”

Carmilla shook her head. She rarely got calls at all. She leaned over and grabbed her phone. Fucking A. “It’s uh…Elle.”

“Oh,” Laura frowned.

“Maybe I should just…ignore it?”

Laura shook her head. “Maybe you should answer it?”

Carmilla sighed and realized she was probably right. “Hello?”

“So she moved out,” Elle started. “But you know that, don’t you?”

“Why’re you calling me?” Carmilla kept her voice neutral. What she wanted to say was fuck off and lose my number. Go me for being polite, she thought.

“Is she there?”

Carmilla sighed. “Yes.” She winced waiting for the screaming or accusations.

“I’m not really surprised. You know?”

And was surprised when neither came.

“I…I…” don’t know what to say.

Laura was sitting beside her. She wasn’t sure if she could hear Elle or not.

“I even kind of expected it. I mean why would someone like her want someone like me? I knew it was only a matter of time. I thought about it…all last night. What you two were doing. What you were doing while I was laying here alone. I kept thinking…there’s no way…no way that Carm would do that though. She wouldn’t…I’m right. You’re just… this is just you… you don’t want…haven’t…”

Carmilla closed her eyes when she started stuttering. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me you aren’t sleeping with my girlfriend, Carmilla. That’s what I want you to say. Tell me I’m imagining all of this. Tell me it isn’t happening again.”

Carmilla didn’t answer her. What could she say?

“I love her,” Elle whispered.

“You don’t,” Carmilla spoke. “You’re angry. And you think that calling me, playing the pity card will make me feel guilty for something I…” did do. Fuck.

“Put it on speaker,” Laura whispered.

Carmilla shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she whispered back.

“Please?”

She groaned inwardly. Why was she unable to tell this girl no? Jesus. She tapped the speaker button.

“Elle,” Laura started.

“Fuck,” Elle muttered. “Laura, I can’t do this with you right now.”

“Are you okay?” Laura asked.

Carmilla looked away.

“No. I’m actually not okay. Did you sleep with her?”

Laura’s eyes widened. Carmilla turned quickly and caught her eye.

“The two of you and your silence speaks volumes,” Elle deadpanned.

“Elle, I’m sorry. This wasn’t working out. You were lying to me. And maybe I was lying to myself. But what I have or haven’t done since I left isn’t really your concern.”

Carmilla wanted to shake her head because it wasn’t the right thing to say.

“I’ll be out of the apartment by tomorrow night,” Elle countered.

Carmilla rolled her eyes. And here was the real intention of the phone call. Elle was dramatic to a fault.

Laura frowned. “And where are you going?”

“Laura, what I do or don’t do isn’t really any of your concern,” Elle mocked. “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t call to speak to you. I called to speak to Carmilla. So put her back on the phone.”

“I’m right here.” And you know it, she thought.

Elle laughed. “You really want to do this with her listening?”

No, Carmilla thought. I don’t. “Say what you need to say.”

“Fine. I hope you’re really listening to me. I’m done. Don’t expect me to get over this and forgive you and pick up your pieces anymore. When Laura wises up, and she will because she’s too smart not to, you’ll regret this. I used to think, no matter what happened, or how stupid you and I were, that we’d always be able to get over our shit. I really did. Because, you and me, you know? Against the world and all that bullshit. You’re the only person I’ve ever counted on and time and time again I’ve let you rip my goddamn heart out of my chest. I won’t do it anymore. I can’t. I’d rather be alone than go through this bullshit even one more second.” She sighed. “I’ll miss you, Laura. I really will. But Carm…” her voice actually choked.

She heard Laura’s breath hitch. Fuck Elle and her games. She wanted to say that out loud, but what would it sound like?

“…this is goodbye or whatever. Even with all this bullshit, I still love you. You’re my best friend. Sister or whatever you wanna call it. So this sucks, but… I can’t let you hurt me anymore. I’m not sure I can survive it.” And she hung up.

Jesus A. Checkmate, Carmilla thought.

“Oh god,” Laura cried. “She sounded so…”

…fucking good at her stupid, fucking game, Carmilla almost growled. She took a deep breath and put her hand on Laura. “She’s just…”

“Don’t,” Laura shook her off.

“Okay.” She sat there awkwardly.

“I hurt her,” Laura was still crying. “We hurt her.”

“I think that…” Carmilla sighed and tried to touch Laura again. This time she let her. She put her arms around her and hugged her. “Laura, I know you don’t want to hear this, but…”

“But what?” Laura asked.

“Nothing,” she finally whispered. She held her closer and let her cry. “It’s not your fault. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“I know,” Carmilla whispered. “I know.”

She loved that Laura was kind. It was one of the first things she noticed about her. And she knew Elle would do this. In fact, she was waiting on it. She just hoped Laura trusted her enough to know that Elle wasn’t right. She hoped Laura believed her. She hoped that she’d showed her…in one way or another she was worth trusting.

“Let’s wake up Blanche and get you some coffee. What do you say?”

Laura hiccupped at that. “Okay.” She let Carmilla help her stand. “I think I should talk to her. Let her know she can stay there. Maybe I can go over there later. Just so she knows it’s okay.”

Which is exactly what she wants, Carmilla thought. She realized the predicament she found herself in. She could try to explain to Laura that this was just part of Elle’s elaborate game but she knew how fucking crazy and jealous it would sound. So she just sighed and nodded. “Whatever you need,” she whispered.

“Thank you,” Laura whispered and kissed her cheek. “For everything.”

Carmilla nodded and looked away. She tried to ignore the way her stomach bottomed out at the thought she could lose something she’d just gotten. She figured she couldn’t do anything but just wait and see.

And that was about the worst feeling in the world.

* * *

Carmilla decided to get some work done while Laura took a shower. She hadn’t mentioned going back to her apartment since earlier in the morning and Carmilla didn’t particularly want to ask and subconsciously suggest it. Therefore, she felt as if she was teetering on a precipice and she hated feeling that way. As a kid, she’d often wondered what came next. Love, affection, sometimes things like food and shelter (mostly because she’d find a way to run away for a while… her foster mother was good at finding her) but it was always that freaking not knowing that did her in. It was why she didn’t get close to anyone. Why she’d only really ever let Elle in. If she didn’t count on someone, she wouldn’t have to trust them. And if she didn’t trust them, she wouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt.

Because hurt… hurt was something Carmilla never wanted to deal with again. She’d had enough of that in her early years, thank you very much. And no, she wasn’t into that 'oh whoa is me and my horrible childhood' bullshit, she just didn’t trust easily. Just like millions of other human beings on the planet.

She didn’t hear Laura walk behind her, she was so lost in her own thoughts and the figure she was sketching on the canvas.

“What’s that?” Laura asked softly.

Carmilla jumped. “You’re like a tiny ninja. I didn’t even hear you.”

Laura walked around so that she could see her. She’d changed into her own clothes. She looked clean and sweet and innocent and not like someone Carmilla had just devoured in her bed. Carmilla wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“No one’s ever accused me of being quiet.” Laura glanced at the canvas. “I’m sorry for interrupting. You probably don’t like people around when you’re working, I bet.”

Carmilla shrugged. She’d never really had to think about it one-way or the other. She didn’t normally let people into her studio long-term. “It’s just a sketch. My next commission is figure. I mean, it’s what I’m best at honestly, but it’s also hardest. Trying to capture the person beneath what someone would normally see is the way I’d describe it I guess. Some people are an open book and some people… I don’t know. I work a lot from memory. Most of the figures in my paintings are just combinations of different traits.” She frowned and looked at her canvas. “At least I think they are.”

“Who is that?” Laura asked.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at what she’d been sketching. She did most of it unaware she realized. Unfortunately, it looked a lot like herself. As a child. “I don’t know,” she settled on.

Laura nodded, even though Carmilla could tell she didn’t believe her. “When I first saw one of your works, you know the one Elle has… it’s on the wall of our…her…the bedroom. Whatever. You know which one I mean?”

Carmilla nodded. It was a painting of two little girls. They were sitting on the curb in front of a project building in an unidentified city. They both wore white, pinafore dresses and they looked completely out of place. She painted it the week before Elle left for Europe. She’d had it shipped to her after Elle’d settled in at school. They’d never even spoken about it.

“I think it’s amazing what you do,” Laura smiled. “The talent, passion, drive or whatever it is. I admire it, I mean.” She was embarrassed and her cheeks were pink. “You’re a remarkable woman, huh?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Are you asking?”

Laura shook her head. “No. I just mean that you try really hard to hide some of those good traits. I guess I’ve found myself wondering why lately? Why do you hide who you really are?”

Carmilla didn’t know how to answer that. She felt naked under Laura’s gaze. “You’ll make a fine journalist,” she finally said. “Teasing all sorts of private confessions out of people.”

“You haven’t told me anything,” Laura countered.

“Maybe not with words,” Carmilla answered. “But… I can’t be that hard for you to read. I’ve pretty much bared everything to you. For you.”

“Why?” Laura whispered.

That was the million-dollar question, Carmilla thought. “You’re smart. I think you’ll figure it out.” She sighed, “I guess you’re going back to your apartment, huh?” She hadn’t wanted to ask, but she knew if she didn’t, Laura would bring it up anyway. For some reason it was better if she asked first.

Laura nodded. “You know,” she said, moving closer. “I don’t understand why people are so worried I can’t take care of myself.” She stepped in between Carmilla’s leg and put her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders.

Carmilla scooted back on the stool a bit, and hooked her ankles around the legs before she put her hands on Laura’s waist. “Have I given you that impression?”

Laura tilted her head in an answer. “I know her better than you seem to think I do. She isn’t going to cry her way back into my life.”

Carmilla nodded, distracted by how close Laura was standing. “I didn’t say she would,” Carmilla whispered.

Laura leaned her face closer and kissed Carmilla’s lips softly. “You’re right about not being that hard for me to read. I know what you’re afraid of.” She pulled back a little. “So go with me. Not because I need you there. Because I don’t. But because I want you there. I like being with you.”

Carmilla kissed her back just as softly. She pulled her closer. “I’m not sure that will be what Elle’s expecting.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “She’s expecting me to come over and give in. You know it and so do I. She’s hurt. I’ll give her that. But it’s as much her ego as her heart unfortunately.”

Carmilla nodded, surprised. She’d questioned how much Laura would believe Elle. She figured maybe she should stop underestimating the woman standing in front of her.

Laura watched her thinking. “You’ve got to trust me. Don’t be like Danny or my dad or whatever. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I’ve made it this far and am no worse for the wear.”

Carmilla nodded. “Good point,” she said, kissing her again.

Laura smiled. “Now get ready. Let’s get this over with and then maybe we can go do something. We live in the greatest city in the world. Let’s take advantage of it this afternoon.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “Where do you want to go?”

“The Met.” Laura shrugged at her. “I’ve never been.”

“Really…” Carmilla started. The Metropolitan Museum of Art was one of her favorite places in the city.

Laura shrugged. “You aren’t the only person who listens, Carmilla Karnstein.” She smiled slyly. “Now close your mouth and go get dressed.”

Carmilla hopped off the stool and did as she was told. Laura continued to surprise her. She realized again that her cheeks hurt from actually grinning so much lately. Normally that would be embarrassing, but she sort of thought if Laura Hollis was the reason, she could definitely get used to it.

In fact, she bet could get used to anything if Laura Hollis was involved. Last week, the thought alone would’ve terrified her. Now it just left her feeling anxious and excited, but in the best way possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. See any grammar mistakes, let me know. I can only read over it so many times before my eyes gloss over.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it as far as I've edited. I decided to post it. I'll update sometime next week. Thanks for reading!

Laura’s fingers hovered over her phone. Carmilla was in the bathroom getting ready and Laura’d already cleaned just about everything she felt she could reasonably clean without going through the woman’s private belongings. More than once she caught herself glancing at the canvases that were covered under a large sheet in the corner of the room, but even she wasn’t nosy enough to pry that deep.

So she found herself, sitting on the couch, wondering whether or not she should text her ex-girlfriend and tell her she was coming over. Technically, it was still her apartment. But she wasn’t going back for her health and if Elle wasn’t there… well, it would be a waste of a trip. She wasn’t kidding about going to the museum. A detour to her apartment for no reason seemed dumb.

“What’re you doing?” Carmilla whispered behind her.

Laura jumped. “Speaking of ninjas.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Am I interrupting something?”

Laura turned to look at her. How the woman could make a pair of black pants and a tank top look so freaking sexy, Laura would never understand. And holy moly, she was wearing suspenders. Where did she even find those?

“Huh?”

Carmilla smirked. “My non-existent cat got your tongue?”

“No.” Laura shook herself out of it. “Should I text Elle? Tell her I’m coming?”

Carmilla frowned. She moved around the couch and began to put her shoes on. “I don’t know.”

“I just don’t want to waste the time if she’s not there. But then if I do tell her I’m coming, well…you know how she is. Plus I don’t want to lie to her. And if I don’t tell her you’re coming with me, then I’d be lying. You know…by omission or whatever. But if I do, chances are she’ll leave. And really…it’s just putting off the inevitable. Right?”

Carmilla sat up and smiled. “You’re cute when you do that.”

“Ask questions?”

“Ramble.”

“Gee. Thanks,” Laura deadpanned.

“Let’s just go over there,” Carmilla frowned. “But maybe prepare yourself, cause… this isn’t gonna be pretty. Or easy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just… I don’t want you to get upset. Elle can be…”

“I know exactly how Elle can be,” Laura sighed. “Look, yesterday was an anomaly. I don’t run around having panic attacks because my day changed.” She closed her eyes, embarrassed and mad at herself for how she’d behaved. “I can handle Elle.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Carmilla stood up and started rifling through some things on her kitchen counter. “Have you seen my sunglasses?”

“By the door,” Laura waved with her hand. “What do you mean?”

Carmilla found her sunglasses and perched them on top of her head. “Just that I…I don’t know. Never mind.”

Laura frowned, set on digging deeper, but decided for once, maybe she should just let it go. Reminding Carmilla once again that she could take care of herself seemed redundant. She figured the other woman was one of those people that just worried by nature, which honestly was something completely new to her as far as Carmilla was concerned. However, Laura did appreciate her concern, misguided though it was.

Laura stood up and held out her hand. “Come on, grumpy cat. Let’s go and get this over with. And then we’re going to the Met. Because I wasn’t joking about not wasting today on stupid drama.”

“Grumpy cat?” Carmilla asked, taking her hand.

“You know who grumpy cat is. And you have to know that you bear more than a small resemblance to him.” Laura let her lead her out of the apartment and waited while Carmilla locked the door.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.” Carmilla pouted, pretty much entirely proving Laura’s point.

Laura waved her hand towards Carmilla’s bottom lip. “No. Of course not. Silly me for making a completely ridiculous comparison.”

“Whatever,” Carmilla grumbled, but she took Laura’s hand again. “If we’re playing that game you remind me of a spastic Chihuahua.”

“I’ve always thought I was more like a tiny spider monkey.”

Carmilla did chuckle at that. “You win.”

Laura nodded sagely. “I’m not sure why I have to keep repeating this, but I always do.”

* * *

When they got to the apartment, Laura frowned trying to decide what to do. She knocked lightly, but instead of waiting to see if Elle would answer, she went ahead and unlocked the door. “Elle?” She called softly into the entryway.

She glanced at Carmilla who shrugged when Elle didn’t reply.

“Elle?” She tried a little louder.

“In here,” Elle answered from the living room.

Laura shut the door softly and Carmilla followed her inside.

Elle was sitting on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her legs. There were two bottles of alcohol, whiskey it looked like. One was empty and sitting on the table. The other was in Elle’s hand. “Brought your bodyguard, I see?” Elle asked.

“We just wanted to check on you,” Laura started. She moved to sit down and hesitated, not exactly sure where to sit. She finally just perched on the edge of one of the chairs. Carmilla stayed where she was.

“Right. _We_...” Elle muttered. “I told you I’d be out by tomorrow. Not today.”

Laura sighed. “You have school tomorrow.” She wasn’t even sure why she said it.

“I’ll skip.”

“Well that’s…” she stopped herself from saying dumb or stupid or unnecessary.

“Was this morning not enough for you?” Elle asked.

Laura looked up but realized she was speaking to Carmilla.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow but she didn’t speak.

Laura frowned and stood up, sitting down next to Elle instead. She heard Carmilla sigh softly, but noticed Carmilla sat down in the seat she’d just vacated. Laura turned to Elle. “I just wanted to…” she went to touch her.

“Don’t touch me!” Elle warned, scooting away from her.

Laura jerked her hand back. “God. Sorry. I’m sorry.” She held up her hands. “Did you drink all of this today?” She asked softly.

Elle shrugged.

Laura heard Carmilla scoff and she cut her eyes at her. Carmilla held up her own hands in a gesture of surrender and looked away.

“What do you want?” Elle asked, taking a drink.

Laura reached over and took the bottle out of her hand. She sat it on the table further away from the woman. “I wanted to check on you. And to tell you that I want you to stay here. Until you find something. Don’t be rash and do something you’ll regret.”

Elle laughed but it was mirthless. “Right. Thanks for the advice on rash decisions. Since you’re the expert and all.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, Elle. We don’t have to do this. It’s not written that break ups have to be messy or ugly or hurtful. I don’t want this to end badly.”

Elle laughed again. “Of course you don’t. You don’t want to feel guilty. For leaving me. And for fucking my best friend. But here’s the thing Laura. You did both of those things. So…what you want or don’t want doesn’t really fucking matter to me that much.”

“Get over yourself,” Carmilla interrupted the silence.

Laura shot her another warning glance.

Carmilla shook her head. “No. This isn’t about what we’ve done or what you think we’ve done. It’s about you losing something. It’s about pride. I don’t care how you try to play this to Laura or anyone else. The way your life has turned out is all on you. And you know it.”

Elle ignored her and looked at Laura. “I’ve known since she came back this would happen. I watched how she looked at you. Like some sort of predator…I knew it. I just thought…I thought you were too smart to fall for it. My bad. Seems no one is immune to Carmilla Karnstein’s wiles, huh?”

Laura shook her head. “The truth is this has nothing to do with Carm.”

“Carm?” Elle scoffed. “Oh no. Of course it doesn’t. Good job on convincing me of that when you use her nickname.”

Laura sighed and took a deep breath. “Elle, I know that you’ve been seeing someone else. I’m not blind or stupid. I should’ve done something about it sooner, granted, but still… it’s out there now and I’m glad. I’m glad we don’t have to play this game or pretend anymore. You couldn’t possibly believe that we had some sort of future together when this whole thing was built on lies.”

Laura watched the tears well in her eyes, and for a brief moment, she wanted to wipe them away. It made her stomach hurt to see anyone cry. Especially someone she cared about.

“Why do you always do this?” Elle cried, looking at Carmilla. “Why always take everything away from me? Why do you always want what is mine?”

“Why dangle it in front of my face, Elle? Why tempt me with it over and over and not expect it? Huh?”

Laura stood up. “So first of all, I’m not anyone’s. Not to be taken or tempted with or whatever.” She moved to the other side of the room. “This is about your mess. Both of you. The sad fact is that it doesn’t have a whole lot to do with me. I don’t really understand your damage, either of you, or what the heck you’ve been through that has caused this…” she waved her hand at both of them. “…this weird-ass competition and relationship you have. But it’s messed up. Like monumentally.” She turned to Elle. “I like her. I’m sorry. I don’t know why to be honest, but it’s the truth. I’ve liked her since the first moment I met her. And I know what you’ll say…you’ll say I hated her and I didn’t want to be around her…and you’d be right about some of that. But maybe the saying is right and there’s a thin line between…” she shut her mouth and covered it with her hand. She closed her eyes because, yep, she’d just said that out loud.

Elle laughed again and it was a sickening sound. “Good job, Karnstein. She’s more delusional than I thought.”

When Laura opened her eyes, it wasn’t Elle she sought out. Carmilla was still sitting on the edge of the chair. An unreadable expression on her face. She made eye contact with Laura and Laura felt like she was looking so deep inside of her, she could see through her. Laura looked away first.

“I don’t know how or why,” Carmilla finally whispered into the quiet room. “And god knows I don’t deserve it, you’re right about that…but I feel something for her. Something I’ve never felt for anyone. Something different and good and… I don’t know…amazing in its newness. I am sorry this hurts you, because no matter what else I’ve done or you’ve done, I don’t particularly wish that on you. But you’re right and I’m not going to deny it or lie about it to spare your feelings or…” she took a deep breath. When Laura looked back to her, she was looking at Elle instead. “…or to keep from hurting you. I could be the bigger person and walk out that door and leave you two here and let you deal with whatever the hell you need to deal with. But I won’t. I’m not. And again, maybe it’s not fair or maybe I don’t deserve it. Maybe I don’t deserve her… but I won’t lie. Because no matter what else… I’ve never lied to you. So you’re right. Every sick little thing you’ve cooked up in your head is right. I don’t know what to call it. I’m afraid to think about that because it makes no goddamn sense. Right? How could it?” She stood up. “But here’s the thing. I’m willing to risk everything I know and everything I’ve ever known, and that includes you, on the chance that I’m right about her. And on the chance that she feels the same way. You want to let your pride and ego stand in the way of that, well so be it.” She stepped closer to Laura, but still looked at Elle. “But I can assure you, Elle, I won’t go down without a fight. And if this is where you want to go all in, by all means, let’s do it. Neither of us has any more to lose than the other.”

Laura’s heart raced in her chest. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. No one had ever spoken like that about her. She almost forgot Elle was even in the room until she stood up sloppily and attempted to move closer to them.

“No,” Laura said forcefully. She moved in between them. “Sit down. You’re drunk. And you’re about to make a fool out of yourself.”

The realization of Laura’s words and where her loyalties all of sudden lay washed across Elle’s face in a pain that caused Laura to wince.

“I’m sorry,” Laura whispered softly. She helped the woman sit down. “I’m sorry this hurts. And I’m sorry that you’re finding out this way. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can safely say you’re probably not going to like the outcome.” She brushed a piece of Elle’s hair out of her face. She turned to Carmilla. “Can you just give us a moment?”

Carmilla opened her mouth, Laura was sure to protest, but in the end she just nodded and walked into the kitchen.

Laura waited until she was gone. “Look at me.”

Elle held her face in her hands. “I can’t,” she cried.

“Please?” Laura asked softly.

It took a few moments, but Elle finally looked up. Her eyes were already bloodshot, Laura assumed from both alcohol and grief.

“I don’t want this to hurt you, but I know that doesn’t really matter because it will. But please, don’t hurt yourself. Stay here. At least through the week. Or month. Please. You have nowhere to go. Leaving out of some silly sense of pride is stupid. And you know, you’ve been a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them.” She tilted the woman’s chin.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Elle cried.

“Then you won’t. You just have to accept it won’t be the way that you want.”

“I can’t watch you be with her, Laura. She’s taken everything from me. She always does.” She fell against Laura.

She had no choice but to hold her. Elle buried her face in Laura’s lap. She moved a piece of hair from her face and ran her hand up and down her back. “I know it seems like that now but it’s not…”

“Don’t,” Elle cried. “Don’t take up for her. I know you’re going to leave me here. I know you’re leaving me for her, but don’t, please don’t make it worse.”

Laura sighed, but didn’t say anything else. When she looked up, Carmilla was leaned against the doorway, watching. Laura frowned, but didn’t move. She tried to shrug.

Carmilla looked away.

Laura bent down. “Have you been asleep? Eaten anything?”

“No,” Elle muttered.

“Why don’t you go lay down? Sleep some of this off? I promise you’ll feel better when you wake up.”

Elle tried to sit up. “Don’t make any more promises to me.”

Laura frowned but stood up and held out her hand. She realized just how drunk Elle was when she staggered. Laura almost didn’t catch her. Carmilla rushed over and kept her steady.

“Don’t touch me!” Elle screamed, pulling away from Carmilla.

Carmilla held up her hands again but didn’t say anything.

Laura frowned. “I’m just going to help her get to bed.” She looked down at the bottles of alcohol and back to Carmilla.

Carmilla nodded and sighed.

* * *

Once Laura was sure she was asleep, she picked up around the bedroom. She glanced at the painting. The one Carmilla had done years ago. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t realize until that moment that it was Carmilla and Elle. That she’d painted them. Two little girls with their arms around each other’s waist. Smiling and clean and innocent. Even with the dirty and horrible world swirling around them. It looked like nothing could come between those little girls.

Except something had. Something or someone. Laura frowned.

Carmilla was sitting on the couch in the living room when Laura shut the bedroom door. She’d picked up the living room while Laura was in the bedroom. “I threw the bottles away. She’s got some more in the kitchen, but I don’t know what you want to do with them. I hid them in the back of one the cabinets.”

Laura nodded. “Thank you. Sorry about…” She waved toward the bedroom.

Carmilla swallowed. “No need to apologize. I assumed this would be hard.”

Laura nodded. She bit her lip but it was to keep from crying.

Carmilla crossed the room in a few steps. “Hey. Come here.”

Laura fell against her. “What are we gonna do?” She whimpered.

“I don’t know,” Carmilla answered. “I still don’t think she’d do anything that…” Laura felt her sigh. “I don’t know what to think.”

Laura pulled away. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” Carmilla whispered against her head. “I don’t. Do you?”

Laura shook her head. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Sometimes that can’t be helped,” Carmilla whispered.

“I wish she had family. Someone, anyone, beside…” you, Laura didn’t finish. She pulled back. “Let’s go. We can check on her later. I think she’ll sleep the rest of the day.”

Carmilla was still frowning. “Let’s go grab something to eat. If you’re worried, we can come back by and check on her.”

Laura wanted to protest. She wanted to go to the Met. She wanted to spend a day with Carmilla without worry or obligation or responsibility, but she figured she was right. And she was responsible, at least for some of it; so instead of protesting she just nodded and let the woman lead her out of her own apartment.

* * *

They made small talk until the waitress took their order and brought their drinks.

Laura was the first to broach the subject. “I never wanted to be this person.”

Carmilla watched her speak. “Person?”

“You know the one. The one that comes between people. That hurts someone.”

Carmilla sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. “Who does?”

“Did you mean what you said? To Elle?”

“Yes,” Carmilla nodded slowly. “I did. Last night, Laura…” she blushed and looked away. “…I wish I could explain what I’m feeling. But I’m not even sure you’d believe me.”

Laura took her hand and held it on the table. “Don’t. You haven’t even tried me.”

Carmilla smiled sadly. “I never had what you had. Parents who loved me. Neither did Elle, but I’m guessing you already knew that.”

Laura nodded, but for once in her life, didn’t speak. She couldn’t.

“And I’m not saying this because I want you to feel sorry for me or something. It’s not that. I’ve made peace with my childhood. It’s no one’s fault. Luck of the draw. And the truth is my life could be a helluva lot worse than it was…is. But I never learned how to say what it was I felt...am feeling, I mean. I don’t know how.” She laced their fingers together. “And what right do I have even if I could? We don’t even know each other really…" She looked away and swallowed roughly before looking back into Laura's eyes. "...but then again, I know everything about you. And it all, no matter what it is, all of it makes my heart beat faster. You make me want to be good. To at least try. The irony of it all is I’m gonna hurt someone I care about in order to try it. And I don’t care. I don’t care that it hurts her. This means more to me. You mean more to me. And I’m too selfish to give it up. I can’t do it. I guess that makes me a bad person, but I don’t care.”

Laura was always stunned when Carmilla spoke that way. More than a few sentences at a time. When she was being honest. She squeezed her hand. “After we eat, I still want to go to the museum. With you. And then I want to go back to your apartment. With you. And I want to sleep in the bed. With you. You’re right, maybe we don’t know enough about each other, but…maybe we do. And what I do know of you…what I do know right now…it’s enough. Anything else you tell me, it’s just extra. I’m sorry Elle’s hurt because it's sad to see. And yes I feel responsible. I’d wager we both do, but…it’s heartache. And it fades. It will fade. But it’s not enough to change my mind.” She smiled softly. “You know that, right?”

Carmilla nodded slowly.

“So can we still go?”

“To the museum?” Carmilla asked.

Laura nodded.

“Of course, Cupcake,” she smiled softly.

* * *

Laura’d never been that much of an art lover. She understood it’s beauty and the talent someone needed to accomplish anything close to what was hanging on the wall in front of her. But it was a detached understanding. A sort of ‘wow, that’s cool that someone can do that,’ sort of feeling.

She’d never been to a museum with Carmilla. The way she smiled. Lit up. Talked about painters and paintings and movements. The way she was fascinated by the colors and the passion and… it was amazing to watch. Laura couldn’t keep the smile off her face when Carmilla tried to explain something to her.

“How do you know so much about this?” Laura waved her hand at one particular exhibit.

“I learned most of it in school,” Carmilla answered.

“High school?” Laura asked. Her high school art class was nowhere near as in-depth.

Carmilla chuckled. “Art school. In Italy. I went to school in Italy.”

Laura, who’d been holding the other woman’s hand, dropped it and stopped walking. Carmilla turned around, a confused look on her face.

“You went to school in Italy?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Well…yeah.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Why would you?”

She shook her head. “I should’ve known that. Why didn’t I know that?”

Carmilla walked back to her. “Hey. It’s not a big deal. How could you know if I didn’t tell you?”

Laura shook her head. “I should’ve asked. I spend so much time talking and I didn’t even think to ask… I want to know more. Tell me more.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “About the painting?”

Laura smiled. “No, about you. Or yeah…about the painting if that’s what you want to talk about.”

“What do you want to know?”

“You said the other day…” Laura bit her lip and then quickly let go when she saw Carmilla’s face. “Sorry. I mean you said the other day something about your sister or siblings or something. Do you have siblings?”

Carmilla nodded. “I do.”

“And…”

She led Laura into the next room and sat down on one of the benches. “And, I grew up with a foster mother. Her name is Lilita. I don’t remember much before moving in with her. She’d already taken in another girl, she was a bit older than me…her name’s Mattie. Or Mataska, but that’s ridiculous so we always called her Mattie. About a year later, Will moved in as well.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “We lived in the same building as Elle and her sister. It wasn’t much. Lilita took us in for the paycheck. But you know…food and clothing…shelter. She was never cruel or anything. Just didn’t care that much. Mattie was more adapted to the environment than me. Will less so.”

Laura swallowed. She figured there was a lot more to that story, but she didn't pry. “Where are your real parents?”

Carmilla shrugged. “I don’t know about my father. My mother was a drug addict. She died when I was five. I lived in a home until Lilita took me in. I was six.”

Laura's chest hurt. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She didn’t know how to answer that. “For not asking, I guess. For what you had…”

Carmilla shook her head. “My childhood isn’t your fault, Cupcake. Stop it.”

Laura nodded. “Do you still talk to them?”

“My mother? No. And I don't want to. Last I heard from Will, he was in university somewhere out west. Mattie lives in Boston. She works for some company. Something about hedge funds and I don’t know. It sounds half boring and half terrifying to be honest. When I got accepted to school, I just sort of left it all behind. No love lost honestly. Not for anyone.”

“God. That’s incredibly sad.”

Carmilla frowned. “I don’t mean for it to be. I’ve just always been alone. Alone and lonely aren’t the same thing.”

Laura kissed her cheek. “You aren’t alone.”

Carmilla took her hand and looked into her eyes. “I’m coming to realize that.”

“Good,” Laura smiled. She stood up and held out her hand. “Now tell me more about this painting,” she gestured towards the wall in front of them.

When Carmilla began talking again, Laura couldn’t hide her smile. And she didn’t want to.

* * *

Carmilla sat down next to her on the couch. “Still no answer?”

Laura shook her head. “No. I’m not sure what I can do. I think we should just let it go tonight. Me going back over there will do nothing but…”

“I agree…for what it’s worth.” Carmilla sighed. “I’ll go check on her tomorrow. While you’re at school.”

Laura nodded at that. “Okay.” She smiled softly. “Thanks. For today. I enjoyed it. Seriously.”

“Me too,” Carmilla smiled shyly.

“Shit!” Laura exclaimed.

“What?”

“I forgot about school tomorrow. Ugh. I’ve got a paper. School is stupid. Why am I still going?”

Carmilla shrugged. “I have no idea honestly. Cause you’re totally right. It is stupid.”

Laura laughed and grabbed her laptop from the coffee table. “Stop. You’re supposed to encourage me. Not agree with me. Duh.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Carmilla feigned. “Then… you should do your schoolwork, Cupcake. Time waits for no one and you know…” she waved her arm around. “…all that jazz, or whatever.”

“That was the worst pep talk ever,” Laura pouted. “You didn’t even try.”

Before Carmilla could answer her, her computer’s FaceTime rang. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “And who is it now, Ms. Popularity?”

“My daddy,” Laura frowned. “I’ll just…”

“I’ll go work. Talk to your dad,” Carmilla interrupted, standing.

“No. Sit down. He’ll be nice this time. Trust me,” she tried, hoping she was right.

Carmilla frowned but sat back down.

Laura smiled at her before answering. “Hey, daddy!”

“Laurabelle,” Her father smiled. “Just calling to apologize. And possibly grovel. And see if you were okay?”

Laura smiled. “I’m good, daddy. I was about to do some schoolwork, but I’d rather talk to you instead.”

“I bet,” her father laughed. He glanced at Carmilla. “You must be Carmilla.”

“Yes sir,” she said quietly. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Hollis. Sort of… you know through a computer or whatever.”

“Likewise,” he nodded. He looked at Laura. “She’s polite.”

“Oh," Laura laughed. "She’s just pretending for me.”

“Hey!” Carmilla exclaimed.

Her father chuckled. “My Laura does have a way of persuading people to do what she says, huh?”

Carmilla nodded slowly. “Sometimes. I think it’s her competitive streak honestly.”

Her father smiled at Carmilla. “I apologize for that. It’s probably my fault she’s insufferable.”

“Wait a minute…” Laura started.

“Apology accepted,” Carmilla smiled. She shrugged nonchalantly. “Truthfully, she’s pretty cool most of the time. A bit hyperactive, but…”

Her father laughed again. “Hide the sugar and you should be fine.”

Laura crossed her arms. “Sitting right here. Hello!”

“It’s called only-child syndrome, Carmilla. Also my fault. She’ll start pouting soon.”

Laura, who was doing just that, let go of her lip and uncrossed her arms. “Will not.”

Her father raised his eyebrow at Carmilla. “See?”

Carmilla laughed. “Well, hyperactivity and dramatic nature aside, you did a pretty good job, Mr. Hollis.”

He smiled. “Well thank you. I like to think so.”

Laura crossed her arms again. “Why is everyone ignoring me?”

“Why indeed, honey?” He laughed. “I’ll let you get back to it. But promise to call me tomorrow. I just wanted to check on you. And apologize for being…accusatory yesterday. I trust you. And love you. But you know that.”

“Ditto, daddy,” Laura smiled. “I’ll call you after class tomorrow.”

“Okay. Nice to meet you, Carmilla.”

Carmilla nodded. “You too,” she smiled shyly.

After he signed off, Laura turned to her. “See? Told you he wasn’t scary.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Fine. He’s not. And he seems to love you. A lot. You’re a lucky girl.”

Laura watched her for a few moments before responding. “I think you’re right,” she whispered and leaned over and kissed her softly. “I feel really lucky.”

“Me too,” Carmilla whispered against her lips before kissing her again. She pulled away slowly. “Now finish your paper or whatever. I don’t want to piss off your dad. He seemed nice, but I don’t wanna press my luck.”

“Fine,” Laura whined and picked up her laptop. “But you’ll have to go away because you’re distracting.”

“I told you I had work to do.”

“So go do it,” Laura tutted.

“You’re bossy.”

“You like it.”

“Maybe,” Carmilla smirked.

* * *

Thirty minutes in and Laura was bored. She groaned audibly.

“I hear you sighing,” Carmilla called.

“Good. It was completely for your benefit.” Laura read through the last paragraph of her paper and decided it was as good as she was gonna get tonight. “I’m bored.”

“What do you want to do?” Carmilla asked.

Laura turned to look at her. She was turned around on her stool watching Laura. “I don’t know,” Laura whined. “Entertain me.”

“Entertain you?” Carmilla asked and raised her eyebrow. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Laura nodded eagerly.

Carmilla turned more fully around but didn’t get up. “And what, pray tell, would you suggest I do to entertain you?”

Laura shrugged dramatically. “If I knew I wouldn’t bother asking. But I am asking…so, you know…entertain me.”

Carmilla turned around and put her back to Laura. “Watch something on Netflix. I’m sure you can find something entertaining for yourself.” She picked her pencil back up and started sketching again.

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely,” Carmilla answered.

“Fine,” Laura huffed. She jumped up. She liked the fact that Carmilla’s apartment was a studio. She made as much noise as possible when she stomped into Carmilla’s bedroom. She rifled around until she found a t-shirt that was long enough to sleep in. She pulled her shirt over her head and took off her bra, throwing on the t-shirt before she took off her pants and stomped back to the couch, Carmilla’s pillow in her hands.

“What are you doing?” Carmilla asked, an amused expression on her face.

Laura made a production of turning on the television. “I’m going to watch a movie. Like you suggested.”

“What type of movie would that be? Cause you forgot your pants.” Carmilla observed.

Laura ignored the smirk she could hear in her voice. “It’s a thousand degrees in here. I’m hot. Your t-shirt fits fine. Actually, I can’t believe you own something this large.”

“Well enjoy your movie,” Carmilla called.

“Whatever,” Laura answered. She scrolled through Netflix. Stupid artist and her stupid painting, she thought.

* * *

Laura wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep. She felt foggy and warm and the credits were playing on the movie when she opened her eyes and something…

…oh god, she realized, when she looked down the couch.

“I wondered when you’d wake up,” Carmilla whispered. She placed a kiss on the outside of Laura’s knee.

She was sitting on her knees between Laura’s legs. The legs that were spread way more wantonly than Laura remembered them being spread when she was watching the movie. Carmilla’s hands were on the inside of each thigh, holding them apart. She rubbed a finger between the crease of her thigh and hip. Laura shuddered.

“I don’t remember going to sleep like this. Or actually at all.”

Carmilla smirked from between Laura’s legs. “Well you did. Actually, you hemmed and hawed and pouted like a toddler for about thirty minutes before you finally fell asleep.”

“How long have you been there?” Laura motioned between her legs. And why didn’t I know? She didn’t ask.

“Long enough,” Carmilla answered. “Once you stopped sighing and pouting…”

‘Hey, I don’t pout,” Laura pouted, biting her lip.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “Clearly I’m mistaken," she motioned with her hand. "As I was saying…” She leaned over, her face extremely close to the inside of Laura’s thighs. “…when you stopped pouting, I realized…” she pressed a kiss against Laura’s leg. “…I missed it.” She kissed the other thigh. “The pouting, I mean.” She smiled up at Laura.

“So you’re saying that you like it when I…” Laura started. Unfortunately, or rather very fortunately, she couldn’t finish because Carmilla, in one fluid movement, stretched her legs behind her and pressed her face very close to her… now very wet underwear.

“Hmm?” Carmilla asked, not bothering to look up.

“Uh…” nothing, Laura thought. Don’t put your hands in her hair, she told herself. That’s too forward. Too forward. Still, she couldn’t help but raising her hips slightly, because jeez... she was only human after all.

When Carmilla didn’t move, Laura looked down at her. She was smiling, her eyebrow in that familiar question.

“You said you wanted to me to entertain you, Cupcake. So how do I do that?” She turned her head and bit the inside of Laura’s thigh lightly, before soothing it with her tongue and sucking.

Laura’s first thought, was glad I shaved, but was followed quickly with fuck…entertain me? She wants me to tell her? Fine, she thought. She hooked her heels lightly behind Carmilla’s back. “I think you can put that mouth to better use than smartass comments,” Laura looked down and winked. Then she bit her lip. Hard. Because she was maybe a tiny bit evil.

Carmilla’s face fell against the apex of her thighs. And then she groaned. Loudly. And the vibration almost sent Laura over the edge. She sucked Laura’s underwear into her mouth. And then used her finger to move it to the side. She ran her tongue once from the bottom to the top of Laura’s folds, before she snapped her panties back in place and looked up.

If Laura’s mouth could catch up to her mind, she might’ve said something like ‘tease,’ but as it were, she could only mumble and moan.

“Is that entertaining enough?” Carmilla whispered against her drenched panties.

Laura found her voice. “Teasing is not entertaining. It’s cruel,” she managed to husk out.

“Not from where I’m laying,” Carmilla answered. She licked upward, not even bothering to move Laura’s underwear. “Unless you have any suggestions?”

Laura swatted her head away and lifted her legs quickly; she pulled her underwear down, and left it hanging on the ankle of her right leg. She didn’t even bother kicking it off as she put her legs back on Carmilla’s back. “Try it again,” Laura demanded.

Obviously, Carmilla wasn’t expecting it as she breathed out a, “fuck,” which Laura felt more than heard. Carmilla flattened her tongue and ran it up and down Laura’s folds, until Laura was babbling with frustration.

She grabbed Carmilla’s hair, pulling her closer and rose her hips up to meet her. When Carmilla closed her lips around Laura’s clit and made a seal with her mouth, she begun to suck and Laura found herself embarrassed because she knew she was seconds away from giving in.

One graze of Carmilla's teeth, a few swipes of a very dexterous tongue, and the sounds and of her sucking like she needed air, the way it felt to be in her mouth, was all Laura needed before she was bucking wildly underneath her. She didn’t even care she was coming so fast. All she wanted was for the tightening in her stomach to release.

When Carmilla pulled her clit into her mouth and sucked, Laura was gone. She dug her heels into Carmilla’s back. The moaning vibration Carmilla made put an end to her suffering and she came, hard and fast, humping the woman’s face.

Carmilla lapped at her slowly, like she was cleaning her until Laura had to push her away. “Stop,” she breathed out.

Carmilla groaned, like she didn’t really want to, but rose up anyway. She laid her head on Laura’s stomach.

Laura ran her fingers through Carmilla’s hair. “That was embarrassingly fast.”

Carmilla put her hand on Laura’s stomach and rested her chin on it so she could look at Laura. “We could try again?”

Laura reached down and pulled Carmilla on top of her. “Good idea,” she smiled, grasping the bottom of Carmilla’s shirt. “I hear it works better with less clothes,” she whispered, before kissing her.

* * *

Laura’s alarm woke Carmilla at seven. She expected it. Laura warned her it would go off. What she didn’t warn her was that the alarm would be Rihanna screaming “come on,” in her ear.

She groaned dramatically and rolled over. “Cupcake, tell me S&M is not your alarm?” She grabbed the phone and tried to turn it off.

Laura stretched her arms above her head and took the phone from her. “Can you go back to sleep after hearing that?”

“Point taken.”

Laura shrugged.

“You look good in my shirt,” Carmilla smiled.

“You look good in nothing,” Laura countered, sitting up. “Ugh. I don’t want to get ready. Maybe if we go back to sleep it can still be Sunday?”

“Doesn’t work that way.” Carmilla frowned. She ripped the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around herself so she could find something to put on.

“Hey!” Laura yelled when the cold air hit her legs. “Why are you afraid for me to see you naked?”

Carmilla threw a on t-shirt and dropped the sheet. She sat down on the bed and pulled on some shorts. “I was cold.”

Laura cut her eyes at her like she didn’t believe her. “I think it’s cute you’re bashful.”

Carmilla scowled. “I’m not bashful. And I’m sure the hell not cute.” She threw a pair of her shorts at Laura. “Now get up and I’ll make you breakfast while you get ready.”

Laura pulled on the shorts. “See? That’s cute. Making me breakfast.”

“Whatever,” Carmilla countered, moving into the kitchen. “What do you want?”

“Chocolate.”

“Goddamn it, Laura. No. One, I still don’t have chocolate and two, I’d like you to live through the next year or so without contracting diabetes.”

“Go to the store,” Laura called from the bathroom.

Carmilla rolled her eyes. Maybe she should go to the grocery store. Then she groaned and realized that she wasn’t a pushover. “Make a list,” she found herself saying.

Jesus Christ, she thought and then growled and turned on the coffee pot.

“Why am I such a pushover, Blanche?” She asked the coffee machine; fully aware she’d finally lost her mind.

After breakfast, which basically consisted of Laura slathering Nutella on anything even remotely edible, she gathered her things and kissed Carmilla on the cheek. “Thanks for breakfast,” she said, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

“I don’t really think you should thank me for contributing to your early demise. But you’re welcome anyway.”

Laura smiled. “So you’re going to check on Elle?” She glanced down at her phone. “Cause radio silence here,” she held up her phone so Carmilla could see.

Carmilla nodded. She’d really, really rather not, but she knew she had little choice. “Yeah. I’ll go after my shower. What time do you get out of class?”

“After lunch. I’ll text you.”

Carmilla pulled her to her and kissed her. “Have a good day,” she whispered against her lips.

“Now I want to stay,” Laura pouted.

“Nope,” Carmilla said, smacking her behind. “Get going.”

Laura pretended to be offended. “Even when you’re aggressive, you’re cute.”

Carmilla led her to the door. “Go to school, smartass.”

Laura winked. “See you later, cuddle bunny,” she squealed, running for the elevator.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and tried to hide her smile. She wasn’t even sure who she was hiding it from when she shut the door.

* * *

Laura left her the key to her apartment, which Carmilla realized was a good thing. She knew knocking was gonna be pointless and she doubted even if Elle were up and moving around that she’d let her in. Element of surprise, she thought, opening the door.

She walked through the kitchen and noticed that the cabinet where she’d hidden the alcohol yesterday was open. She rolled her eyes. She should’ve known better. She moved into the living room. Elle was laid out across the couch.

Carmilla’s heart stopped momentarily, afraid she wasn’t breathing. “Elle?” She asked softly.

The woman didn’t answer her, but she did attempt to turn over.

Carmilla put her hand on her chest in a belated move to jumpstart her heart. She moved closer to her. “Elle,” she said more forcefully. “Wake up.”

Her friend, or ex-friend, or whatever she was, rolled over on her side and buried her head under a pillow. “Is Laura with you?” She asked.

“No.”

“Then get the fuck out of my apartment,” she mumbled.

“No,” Carmilla said again. “Get up. You’ve got class this afternoon.”

Elle shifted so she could look at her. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Carmilla ignored the question and sat down in the chair across from her. “See you found the liquor bottles.”

“You were always shit at hiding things.”

Carmilla nodded. “Fair.”

“Like fucking my girlfriend.”

Also fair, Carmilla didn’t say. She sat back in the chair. “What are you trying to prove? You think drinking yourself into a coma is productive?”

Elle attempted to sit up and grabbed the side of her head. “You’ve done your duty, Carm. As you can see, I’m still alive and kicking.”

“Let me fix you some breakfast or something. You don’t need to skip class this afternoon and you sure the hell can’t go like that.”

Elle shook her head. “I don’t need your charity. I told Laura I’d be out by tonight and I will.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “And where’re you gonna go?”

Elle shrugged. “I don’t know. A hotel? Anna’s?”

Anna. The girl from school. Carmilla didn’t even try to hide her scoff.

“I can feel you judging me,” Elle countered.

“That’s because I’m judging you.” Carmilla answered. She decided to swallow a bit of her pride. Something she didn’t do lightly. “Look, Laura wants you to stay here. It’s your apartment too. Sort of…” she sighed. “She’s worried about you.”

“Obviously. Seeing as she sent you.” Elle frowned. “You’re not gonna win this, Carm. You may be ahead right now, but…Laura’s too good for you. She’s gonna realize what she’s doing. And what will you be left with? Nothing. You’re willing to give up everything for the slight chance someone like her would want someone like you?”

Carmilla knew what she was doing. She really did. She couldn’t help the spike of fear that ran through her at Elle’s words though. She bit it down. “I’ve already told you I was.”

“Why?” Elle asked. She seemed curious.

“I have no idea to be honest. She makes me want to try.”

“Have you forgotten how much you hate her? How much she hated you?” Elle asked, crossing her arms. She propped her feet on the coffee table.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “This isn’t about her. Or me. This is about you. We’re worried about you…”

“Shut up,” Elle scowled. “Don’t talk about yourselves like you’re a fucking couple. You’re screwing, not dating. I know you don’t understand the difference but there is one.”

Carmilla stood up. “I’m not doing this with you. I came to check on you. Not argue with you.”

“What the fuck did you expect me to do? Hug you and tell you it was okay? Forgive you?” Elle scoffed. “You’re still a fucking moron.”

“Ditto, bitch,” Carmilla scowled.

Elle stood up and staggered slightly. “Want to say that again.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Sit the fuck down. Unlike you, I haven’t been poisoning my liver for the last day and a half. And you don’t want to make any threats right now.”

Elle stomped closer and stared into Carmilla’s eyes. Carmilla didn’t back down. She only raised her eyebrow again in a challenge.

Elle snarled and sat back down on the couch, crossing her arms. “I could still take you,” she muttered.

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but smiled slightly. “Whatever,” she mumbled.

“Oh shut up,” Elle answered. “You know I could.”

Carmilla sighed. “Remember Sarah Jane?”

Elle rolled her eyes. “You didn’t even like that girl,” she answered.

When they were in high school, Carmilla caught Elle kissing a girl she’d been working for over a month. It was after school in the parking lot. Before Carmilla could even think about, she’d run over and grabbed her best friend, punching her in the face. Both of them fell to the concrete and both came away with black eyes and bruised knuckles.

Carmilla laughed. “She ran away screaming. Her voice was ridiculous. And she always wore hot pink. What the hell were we thinking?”

Elle shrugged. “Even her underwear was hot pink.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Carmilla answered. “How the hell do you know that?”

Elle raised her eyebrow.

“You’re a whore,” Carmilla muttered.

“Ditto, bitch,” Elle countered.

“Fair,” Carmilla said again.

“This doesn’t mean we’re cool,” Elle offered. “Just so you know.”

Carmilla nodded. “I expected nothing less.”

“I’m gonna stay here. Until I can find something more permanent…”

“Again, I expected nothing less…”

Elle rolled her eyes. “And I’m not kidding about Laura. It’s a deal breaker, Carm. I can’t… I won’t watch you… We’re done if you choose to do this.”

Carmilla nodded. “You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re going to. If you choose her, you’re going to. I can’t watch you two do whatever it is you're doing.”

Carmilla frowned. “What is it? Pride? Is that what this is about? Because you can find someone else. Hell, you probably have five already lined up.”

“Loyalty,” Elle answered. “It’s loyalty. You remember what that is? Right? Honor code? Laura doesn’t understand that and who could expect her to? But you know what I mean.”

“We aren’t those neighborhood punks anymore.”

Elle shrugged. “Maybe not,” she agreed. “But that sort of thing doesn’t die because we moved out of the projects. Don’t play dumb. I lied my way into Laura’s fancy little world and look where it got me.” She frowned. “Think you can do any better?”

Carmilla frowned. “I can try.” She stood up. “I’ll tell her you’re staying a while. It wouldn’t kill you to text her back. Whether or not you want to believe it, she’s worried about you.”

Elle nodded. “Oh, I know. I know Laura well. Don’t doubt that.” She stood as well. “We’ll see who comes out on top in the end, Karnstein. Let the chips fall where they may.”

Carmilla shrugged. She tried to appear unconcerned, but once she walked out of the apartment, she took a staggering breath. Getting Elle to stand down wasn’t going to work. This was a game to her. One she was determined to win.

The problem was, it was more than a game to Carmilla. And that gave Elle an advantage; one she would fully manipulate.

But Laura was smarter than that, Carmilla told herself. Laura knew better. She repeated it in her head until she almost believed it.

"Stop questioning her, dumbass," she whispered to herself.

She dug out her phone and sent Laura a text.

_Can't wait to see you again._

She watched the ellipses appear. 

  _Don't text me in class. But...I can't wait to see you again either. XOXO_

She smiled down at her phone. Let Elle play her game, she thought. Laura did know better. And that was all that mattered. Fuck the rest of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks of a holding pattern, and they’d yet to hear from Elle. Except from the obligatory, _I’m fine Laura,_ texts that she sent every night after Laura would break down and try to call. Nothing else though. Zero communication.

Carmilla had even tried reaching out to her on more than one occasion (mostly because Laura was stupid good with those puppy dog eyes when she wanted to be), but though Elle had turned on her read receipts (because she was a raging bitch, Carmilla thought) she never responded. Carmilla thought having Elle completely out of the picture would make things easier, but as it were they were waiting on the other shoe to drop. Or at least she was. Laura seemed content to stay in said holding pattern. Which basically told Carmilla that Laura didn’t know Elle as well as she did. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

Carmilla didn’t care how long Laura stayed with her. And she’d told her as much on more than one occasion. At first they’d planned on a few days, which turned into a week, which turned into two. Obviously, with Elle not moving out, Laura had nowhere to go. So Laura's choices were basically live with Carmilla or move back in with Elle, which was not fucking happening. Carmilla didn't mind Laura being there. Laura didn’t bother her. Sure she was bit…energetic at times but Carmilla actually appreciated that seeing as she wasn't. Laura left her mostly alone while she worked because she was swamped with schoolwork herself. They settled into a well... Carmilla hesitated to call it a domesticity, but she reasoned that was probably what it was, which was weirdly normal. She even got used to the almost nightly FaceTimes with Mr. Hollis. Normally popping on screen to at least say hi to Laura's dad.

Carmilla tried not to think about the fact that Laura was used to sharing her space with someone. Had been used to something similar for quite some time. She tried not to think about a lot, honestly. The truth was… she had no idea what they were doing. She didn’t like to think about it. She wondered how long they could go actually not that thinking about it. She honestly expected Laura to start to freaking out. Or really, she expected herself to freak out. But as it were, she was content to ignore the giant elephant that was residing in her apartment. For the most part, ignoring the inevitable had worked fine for her.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing. Laura, on more than one occasion, complained about Carmilla’s hair being pretty much everywhere.

“Seriously, how are you not bald?” she’d gag. “At least clean it out of the shower drain.”

Or she'd cluck her tongue at Carmilla's... lack or organization. 

"Why are you paintbrushes under the pillow?"

And Carmilla possibly rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of Laura’s diet.

“You seriously should be dead,” she’d observe. “I’m throwing the cookie dough away.”

And Laura's choice in music.

"Are you sure you're not a twelve-year-old boy?"

But normally, the other would just shrug and continue on with whatever they were doing. Carmilla figured it just gave them something to bitch about, which was better than something to not bitch about she reasoned.

It had been over two weeks since Laura had come to her apartment that night and hadn’t really left. It seemed like both yesterday and forever ago. Not that she was complaining. She wasn’t. In fact, she was actually sort of happy.

And that was terrifying.

* * *

She was waiting at the restaurant where she’d agreed to meet Laura earlier in the week. She’d gotten a rather large commission check from a few pieces she sold to a private collector, and though she didn’t particularly want to make a big deal of it, Laura wasn’t having it.

_“We’ve got to go out and celebrate,” Laura’d begged. “Please?”_

_“Celebrate what?”_

_“I can never tell if you're being noncommittal or just boring,” Laura countered._

_"Seriously? Both of those are offensive."_

_Laura shrugged.“ I don't care. We’re going. And you’re gonna like it.”_

_Carmilla couldn’t exactly say no._

She looked down at her phone vibrating against the bar.

_Laura: I don’t know where you are, but if you don’t find me soon, I’m going home with this hot number leaning over the bar. I can’t see her face, but her ass is amazing._

_Carmilla: What’s she wearing?_

_Laura: Something that barely qualifies as a shirt. And a black bra._

_Carmilla: She sounds like a whore._

_Laura: You're right. She probably is._

Carmilla figured she'd walked right into that.

“But from where I’m standing, she looks like someone I still want to devour,” Laura husked against her ear. “Hey, sexy,” she smiled, when Carmilla turned around.

Carmilla swallowed roughly. Apparently, Laura’d changed between this morning and now. She was wearing a long-sleeved black romper that barely covered her ass, which Carmilla would’ve argued was impossible given Laura’s short stature. But there it was in all it’s holy shit, fuck me sideways glory. The top was V-neck and cut lower than Carmilla could even process.

She took a ragged breath and put her hands on Laura’s waist and pulled her against her. “Hey,” she whispered and kissed her.

“Oh,” Laura muttered against her mouth. “Hello to you too.” She smiled when Carmilla pulled away. “That was unexpected.” She grinned. “But nice.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow and let her eyes roam down Laura’s body. “I think it was totally expected. Where’ve you been hiding that?”

Laura rolled her eyes and stepped around her to lean against the bar. She flagged down the bartender. “I have things besides sweats and jeans. I just don’t…you know, wear stuff like this to school. Cause that would be distracting.”

“No shit,” Carmilla mumbled, wrapping her arm around Laura’s waist.

The bartender wasn’t subtle when she saw Laura waving her down. “Hello,” she breathed in a soft husky voice. “What can I get you, Sweetie?” She purred.

She was attractive, Carmilla thought, if you liked tarted-up whores. More importantly though she was leering at her…well, whatever Laura was… like a goddamn tiger.

Laura leaned over the bar, “bourbon,” she smiled.

The bartender winked. “Coming right up,” she purred again and then cut her eye at Carmilla in a questioning glance.

And nope… Carmilla snaked her arm tighter around Laura’s waist and pulled her against her. She rubbed her cheek against Laura’s and kissed her ear. “Stop flirting,” she whispered hotly into Laura’s ear.

She kept her eye on the bartender so she wasn’t sure the face Laura made, but it was enough to give the woman on the other side of the bar pause.

The bartender turned around and huffed, pouring Laura’s drink. “On the house,” she smiled sweetly when she handed it back.

Carmilla growled and pulled Laura away from the bar. She shot the bartender another glare. “We’ve got a table,” she whispered into Laura’s hair.

Problem?” Laura smiled.

Carmilla led her to a booth in the corner of the restaurant. “Maybe I don’t feel like sharing you right now.”

"Greedy," Laura smiled. “Want me to sit next to you?”

Carmilla weighed her options. “I’m not sure how wise that is. Plus, I sort of want to look at you,” she winked. When Laura smiled and sat down on the side that faced the bar, Carmilla scowled. “No way. Swap.”

“Why?”

She decided to be truthful. “Because I want to glare at that slutty bartender. And I don’t want her ogling you.”

Laura rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re ridiculous.” She waved her hand at Carmilla’s shirt. “Everyone in here is looking at you. Cause you know…whoa. That’s…yeah.”

“Yeah and yet I paid for my drink,” Carmilla countered, eyebrow raised.

Laura shrugged and mirrored her facial expression. “Maybe I just wanted to look good for a certain someone. Think she liked it?”

Carmilla nodded. “I think she does.”

“Good. Maybe she’ll give me another free drink,” Laura winked and picked up the menu.

“You aren’t cute,” Carmilla answered.

“Yes I am.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Fine. You are cute. But you’re also a tease.”

Laura smiled at that. She started to say something else when the waiter walked up. He smiled at both of them and stuttered a bit when he looked at Laura. Carmilla fought the urge to reach over and pull Laura’s shirt further up her chest. “Dude? Seriously?” she asked instead.

He shook his head and then noticed her as well and did a double take. When Laura patted Carmilla’s hand and winked, he looked confused and then sort of disappointed. Carmilla rolled her eyes because men were stupid. He took their order and scurried off.

“We should go dancing after this,” Laura smiled, taking a drink. “You know that club down from your apartment. It’s friendly.”

Carmilla nodded but didn’t answer her. She knew the place Laura was referencing. It was definitely friendly. Maybe a little too friendly. The chances of them running into someone that Carmilla had maybe gotten a little more than friendly with were pretty high actually.

“Maybe we should try somewhere else,” Carmilla finally offered.

Laura pouted. “Why? It’s close to your apartment and we won’t have to worry about guys hitting on us all night. It’s perfect.” She studied Carmilla’s face and then her smile drifted. “Oh…oh right. You’ve probably been there a bunch, huh? I mean if we go together people might think we’re…you know, whatever. And that’s probably awkward. For you, I mean.”

Jesus Christ, Carmilla sighed. How the hell could Laura completely misread her hesitation like that? “You can't possibly believe that.”

Laura frowned and took another drink. “No. Of course I don’t,” she tried. It wasn’t the least bit convincing.

“Seriously, Laura. You can’t believe I’d be embarrassed to be there, or for that matter anywhere, with you. Right?”

Laura nodded, distracted. “It’s fine. We can do something else. Or just go home…I mean back to your apartment. Your home. Or whatever. It’s your night.”

Carmilla’s stomach bottomed out. This was definitely not where she was expecting this night to go. She reached over and lifted Laura’s chin. “Look at me.” When Laura looked away, she tried again. “Hey. Stop that. What’s wrong with you?”

Laura bit her lip but Carmilla’d come to know the difference between playful and hurt when it came to that gesture. This wasn’t playful.

She rubbed her thumb across Laura’s lip. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Laura shook her head. “Nothing,” she finally answered.

Carmilla frowned. “You know I’m not ashamed of you. How could you even entertain that?”

“I know,” Laura sighed. “I know why you don’t want to go. I know that you’ve probably…dated or whatever a few girls from that club. It was a stupid suggestion.”

“To be really honest, I haven’t dated anyone since I moved back to the States.” As soon as she said it, she regretted it. “Fuck,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean…”

Laura shook her head. “No. No, I get it. It’s fine.” She frowned. “It’s not like we…” She trailed off. “So how was your day?”

Was she joking, Carmilla wondered. “Are you kidding me right now, Cupcake? Seriously? Because if you are questioning what I feel for you…don’t. Don’t insult me like that. Or yourself for that matter.” Carmilla motioned for the waiter to grab them another drink. “I’m scared to even attempt to define what we’re doing. You just broke up with someone you’ve been with for over two years. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining here. But I’m afraid if I give it a name… I don’t know… it’ll go away or something.” She took Laura’s hand. “But if you think for one second that I’d rather be anywhere in the world than here, you’re mistaken.” She ran her thumb over the back of Laura’s hand. “Okay?”

Laura nodded. When the waiter sat down the next round in front of them, Laura knocked most of it back in one swallow.

Carmilla frowned. “Maybe you need to slow down?”

Laura waved the glass at the waiter. “Liquid courage,” she said when he nodded at her.

“Okay. How about you eat something before you do that again?” Carmilla tried.

Laura shook her head. “Nah. I’m good,” she answered. She didn’t speak again until he’d set the third drink in front of her and she took another drink. “I’ll go slower.”

Carmilla was just happy she didn’t drain it this time. She bit back a reprimand, because really, what right did she have to bust anyone’s ass over drinking? “What do you need courage for?” She finally asked.

“I have friends, you know?” Laura started.

Carmilla nodded, confused. “Yeah…”

Laura shook her head. “No, I mean we all have our strengths. Like... I don't know. I’m the fun one." She smiled to herself. "Laf is the no nonsense advice one. And Danny is …well the protective one. Neither of which I really need right now. So today… I called Perry. She’s the listener. And maybe the worrier, but that’s beside the point.” She took another drink. “I told her what was going on and that I was scared…”

Carmilla’s heart leapt to her throat. “Scared?”

Laura waved off her question. “I don’t care what people think about me or the decisions I make. I really don’t. But I just wanted someone…someone to tell me not to worry about it. To tell me to to shut up and say what I'm thinking. I know it’ll have to be me, you know?” She asked. Her eyes were a bit glossed over.

Carmilla frowned. “I really don’t know. But please maybe slow down a bit.” She tried to keep her voice light. “It’ll have to be you doing what?”

“To say it or whatever. You won’t. What sort of frame of reference do you have? You said yourself you aren’t used to…” she waved her glass around. “…whatever it is we’re doing. Plus… I mean it’s not like I don’t know how you feel. I do. But still, there’s always like that niggling little voice…the one that says, don’t be a fool, Laura. Let things be. Don’t push her…”

“Don’t push me how?”

Laura frowned. “We’re just in this sort of stasis. And I thought it was because of Elle, but let’s be honest, it’s not. I don’t even care about Elle or what she does, honestly.”

Carmilla nodded, silently agreeing there. “What do you care about?” She asked quietly.

Laura rolled her eyes and finished her drink. “Obviously you. Stop being obtuse.”

Carmilla frowned. “I wasn’t aware I was?”

“You’re incredibly obtuse sometimes. And unaware. I just...Ugh." She shook her head.  "Are we dating?"

Carmilla sighed. How the hell was she supposed to answer that? "I don't know. Are we?"

"I don’t know what else we could call it. I sleep in your bed every night. If that’s not dating, it sure the hell is something,” Laura bit her lip sadly. “Perry told me to close my eyes and picture myself in ten years, out of school, or whatever. She asked me what I saw…” She looked away.

Holy hell, Carmilla thought. She can’t just end it there. “Well? What did you see?”

It took a moment for her to make eye contact again. “I don’t know. That’s the whole point.”

Laura's talent for talking in circles was sometimes impressive. Now was not one of those times. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“See? Obtuse.” Laura shook her head. “Okay then…what do you see? If I asked you to do the same?”

Served her right, Carmilla thought. So fine, she was being a little obtuse. Which definitely gave Laura the chance to lob the ball straight into her court. Her fault, really. “Generally?”

Laura looked up. “I’d prefer specific, but we can work up to that.”

Carmilla took a deep breath and decided fuck it; she might as well lay it all out there. “Well… I guess I’d still be painting. And older. I…” don’t know how to answer that, she didn’t say. "I hope to be happy. But I'm afraid of wishing for too much. It terrifies me. What I don't know, I mean."

She watched the understanding slowly spread across Laura’s face. “See?” she asked. “That’s good. Cause me too. I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s going on. With you. With me. With us. I don’t know anything at all really.” She sighed. “And Perry said, ‘of course you don’t Laura. Who knows what’s going to happen? You might get hit by a bus tomorrow..."

Carmilla frowned. "Okay. Well let's not tempt fate." She thought back to the night when Laura randomly walked into traffic and shuddered.

Laura smiled. "Perry said to stop trying to define everything. Blah blah blah.’” She smiled. “Which okay, fine. I wasn’t expecting her to say that because am I not supposed to define it? Otherwise what’s the point? Isn’t my life supposed to be planned out or whatever?” she covered her face. “Ugh. I’m not making any sense.”

Carmilla pulled her hand away from her face and hid her smile at the rambling. “I think you are.”

“Okay. I just. I mean… I like you. And I like this. I don’t know what it means really.” Laura nodded again. “But I'm okay with that. So…uh don’t worry about me running into someone that you’ve… you know, known or whatever. I don’t care about that. I care about who you are. Not what you've done.”

“Okay,” Carmilla conceded. She couldn’t help the warmth that spread in her stomach. Laura continued to surprise her at every turn and she wasn’t sure why.

“All that being said though… can I still call you my girlfriend?” Laura asked quietly. “I mean, we don’t have to. I just sort of like… you can tell me to shut up.”

Carmilla’s eyes jumped. “Uh… yeah. I mean… of course you can, Cupcake.” She rolled the word around in her head. Girlfriend? That was okay. She was okay with that. It was better than 'the girl that sort of lives with me and I more than sort of sleep with' title she'd come up with. 

Laura studied her face again. “Are you sure?”

Carmilla smiled at her. “You can call me whatever you want,” she said. She rose up and leaned across the table. She took Laura’s chin in her hand and kissed her a little too deeply for a restaurant, but she didn’t fucking care. She pulled back. “But I like girlfriend,” she whispered into her mouth.

“Ahem,” someone cleared his throat. Carmilla didn’t move but she did turn her head to whomever the fuck it was interrupting her. “I have your dinner ready,” the waiter stuttered, blushing.

Carmilla rolled her eyes when Laura swatted her away.

“Thank you,” Laura smiled politely at him.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow at him when he didn’t leave.

“Oh right… sorry,” he squeaked out and sat down the meals.

“Please stop scaring the waiter, Carm,” Laura said after he’d left.

Carmilla scoffed. “Tell him to stop looking at you then.”

“Was he looking at me? Oh, then I take back everything I said earlier.” She moved to get up. “Maybe I can catch him.”

Carmilla grabbed her wrist. “Sit your ass down."

“Fine,” Laura fake-pouted. “Guess you’ll have to do.” She took a bite. “Now eat. And then we can go dancing.”

Carmilla winked at her. She guessed they were going dancing.

* * *

Carmilla expected to run into some people she didn’t want to see. She also expected there to be women there who would try to hit on Laura. She mentally prepared herself for what was going to happen when they walked into that stupid club.

What she didn’t expect was Elle. And her law friends. Including, based on the hand perched on Elle’s thigh, a person she highly suspected went by the name of Anna.

Laura was walking in front of her and hadn’t spotted Elle yet. She took ahold of Laura’s wrist and pulled her back. “Maybe we should go,” she whispered against Laura’s head.

Laura turned around. “What? Why?”

Carmilla didn’t get a chance to answer.

“Well. Isn’t this a surprise?” Elle said from behind Laura.

Laura’s eyes widened. Carmilla nodded softly. She put her arm around Laura’s waist when Laura turned around.

“Hey,” Laura said. “It’s…uh…” she faltered.

Carmilla could feel her shaking and pulled her closer. She put her arm more fully around Laura. “Elle,” she stated dryly.

“Carmilla,” Elle countered. She cut her eyes to Laura. “Don’t you look good?” She asked.

It caught Laura off guard. “Uh…you too. How are you? I mean…is everything…are you doing well?”

She looked fucking fine, Carmilla wanted to say. A helluva lot better than she’d looked when Carmilla had last seen her. Any pity Elle could’ve mustered from her flew straight out the window with that trademark smirk.

Elle looked down at Carmilla’s hand on Laura’s waist. “Does she know you’ve been texting me every night?”

“Of course I do,” Carmilla answered for Laura.

Elle ignored her. “I told you I was fine. You know me. I can bounce back from anything given enough time.”

Carmilla had to fight not to roll her eyes.

“I remember when you first got that little number,” Elle smirked wickedly. “I see it still fits.” She let her eyes wander over Laura’s body and went to touch her.

Carmilla pulled Laura flush against her. Her free hand literally itched. If her other arm wasn’t around Laura, she was pretty sure she’d have been thrown out of the bar for what she really wanted to do.

“Thanks,” Laura stuttered out. “Uh maybe we should…” She turned to look at Carmilla. “…go?”

Carmilla nodded. She smiled softly at Laura because, she remembered, this wasn’t about her. If she kept telling herself that she’d refrain from punching Elle in the face.

“Nonsense. We can be adults about this. Right? You should join us. I believe you know everyone here, Laura.” Elle waved at the table behind her.

Laura nodded and swallowed roughly. Carmilla gripped her waist tighter.

“Guys, you remember my… Laura? Right?”

They all nodded with varying degrees of questioning and possibly judgment.

“And my ex-best friend, Carmilla?” Elle asked. “The one’s Laura's fucking,” she clarified.

Laura gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

Carmilla stepped around her on instinct. “It’s nice to meet you,” she deadpanned. “Sorry. We’d love to stay and catch up, but we didn’t particularly plan on running into Elle tonight. And I mean…look at here… we’re all dressed up and I’d hate to see our clothes get ruined when I knock her ass out,” she growled, catching Elle’s eye.

“So common,” Elle clucked.

Carmilla ignored her and zeroed in on the one woman she knew. Even if she didn’t know her. “You must be Anna. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you. You’re a lucky girl. Hope you know that.”

Laura’s eyes widened again at the implication. “Oh wow. So you’re the girl?”

To her credit, Carmilla thought, Anna looked scared. “Uh yeah. It’s… nice to meet you?”

Laura nodded. “Sure. Nothing but a pleasure.” The change in atmosphere did give her a bit of courage though. “You know, Carm? Let’s not go. I mean I don’t want to intrude on this fun gathering, but I do want to dance. And you promised me at least one.” She bit her lip.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes. “You sure?”

Laura turned around and stepped into her space, lip still between her teeth. She completely ignored the people behind her. She nodded slightly.

Carmilla grabbed her hand and pulled her away before she kissed her in front of the entire table. “Later,” she called, not even bothering to turn around.

She pulled Laura to the side of the bar and trapped her there with her upper body. “You play dirty, Cutie,” she whispered, pulling Laura’s lip between her teeth.

“Night’s still young,” Laura mouthed against her lips.

“You think this is wise?” Carmilla asked.

“I don’t give a damn,” Laura whispered before kissing her.

If Carmilla could’ve spoken she would’ve said, ‘neither do I.’

* * *

If asked earlier, Carmilla would’ve guessed that Laura’s idea of dancing wouldn’t have been as… hot as it actually was. She didn’t know why she questioned anything about the woman, when she pressed up against her like that. When she wrapped Carmilla’s arm around her waist and threw her arm around her Carmilla’s neck, when she buried her lips against the side of Carmilla’s throat, Carmilla didn’t give a damn that every single person in that bar probably wanted Laura at that moment. She only cared that she was the one that had her.

“Why am I surprised?” Carmilla whispered against her ear.

Laura turned around and pressed against her. “You’ve spent enough time in bed with me. You tell me?”

“Good point,” she husked back.

When the song changed, Laura pulled her off the dance floor. “Let’s get a drink.”

Carmilla let her drag her off. Laura was leading her to the bar, when someone grabbed her other wrist. Carmilla turned around on instinct.

“Hi,” the woman said.

Fuck, Carmilla wanted to scream.

Laura turned around when she stopped.

Carmilla smiled at the woman. “Hey…you.” She turned around and motioned towards the bar to Laura with her head. She was trying to communicate with her eyes.

Laura seemed to get the hint and smiled tightly. Fuck, Carmilla thought again.

“Do you not remember me?” The woman asked.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Carmilla shook her head and tried to figure out how the hell she could diffuse this situation as quickly as possibly. She shrugged softly at Laura, who now had an incredibly tight-lipped expression on her face. So much for being okay with this, Carmilla briefly thought.

“Really?” The woman asked, snapping her back to reality.

Damn it. She remembered her. Sort of. Just not her name. She knew her name was Stacy or Sandy or… hell, it started with an S, she was pretty sure. She tried to look sorry when she smiled at the woman.

She heard Laura scoff behind her.

“Christy,” the woman said, crossing her arms.

Close, Carmilla thought to herself. She nodded. “Yeah. Uh…nice to see you again. But…I’ve…” She waved towards the bar. “We’re just getting a drink.”

“We’re?” Christy asked. She peered around Carmilla and noticed Laura holding her wrist. She raised her eyebrows. “Not your usual type.”

Laura, who Carmilla realized a bit belatedly, probably had too much to drink, snuck around to stand in-between them. “I’m Laura,” she smiled, holding out her hand. “And you are?”

“Christy,” she bit out.

Carmilla tried to pull Laura away, but to be so little; she was insanely strong when she wanted to be. She sighed dramatically when Laura swatted her hand away.

“Well, Christy. It’s nice to meet you. But we’re kind of busy. So, if you’ll excuse us,” Laura turned around.

And Christy grabbed Laura's wrist. Which… what the fuck? Carmilla wasn’t expecting it. And wasn’t sure how to deal with it. But apparently, Laura was or at least knew how.

Laura grabbed the girl’s wrist with her other hand, and twisted it behind her back. Then she twisted her other arm and joined it at her back. She held both her wrists with one hand and then moved the woman’s hair off her shoulder with the other. She leaned on her tiptoes so she could whisper in her ear. It almost looked intimate and not scary as hell.

“You put your hand on me again and I’ll break it. Are we clear?” She asked, as sweet as if she was selling cookies on someone’s doorstep.

Carmilla wasn’t sure if she should be turned on or terrified. She figured she was a bit of both honestly. She wasn’t sure what to do though, so she didn’t move.

It looked like Laura had the situation under control anyway, when she stated, “nod, if you understand me.”

Carrie or whatever the fuck her name was nodded. Good call on her part, Carmilla thought.

“Good. Now leave my...my girlfriend alone," she stated like she was surprised that she could say it. "And if you think you’re Carmilla’s type,” she spat the word out. “Well…you’d be wrong. But if you're wondering why it is I don’t look like you, the best guess would be because I’m not a whore.” She sing-songed.

Jesus Christ, Carmilla thought. "Laura..."

Laura shrugged at her. Then she let the woman’s arm go. The woman frowned, rubbing her wrists. Laura shooed her away with her hands. “Go on now.”

Carmilla hadn’t moved. Not after the woman scattered away. Not after Laura turned around and smiled sweetly at her like she'd basically not just given away her secret superhero identity or whatever.

“What?” Laura asked innocently.

“What the hell was that?” Carmilla asked. She pulled Laura to her possessively. Even if she didn't want to admit it, it was hot.

Laura giggled. “Krav maga. I told you I took classes in the afternoon. You should listen to me."

No kidding, she thought. "You've got me there."

Laura nodded sagely. "Plus, you’ve met my father. I’ve been practicing since I was eight. It’s basically offensive moves. I mean…I could’ve totally broken her hand. I just wouldn’t have.”

“I want to…” Carmilla closed her eyes and breathed through her nose. I want to do so many fucking things that would probably be considered illegal in this bar, she thought. “That was pretty scary. But also incredibly sexy. I'm conflicted.”

Laura shrugged and took her hand again. “Wanna get that drink now?”

Carmilla pulled her back against her. She wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist and moved her hair away from her ear. “You’ve been holding out on me,” she moaned softly, licking the shell of Laura’s ear.

“Maybe I’ll show you when we get home,” Laura whispered back.

“She’s an impressive woman, isn’t she?” Elle walked up. She was clapping slowly.

"Will you go away?" Carmilla asked.

Elle ignored her. “I forgot how hot that was, Laura. When you go all dominant.” She smiled over Laura’s shoulder at Carmilla. “She used to get so worked up after her krav maga classes. Saying she didn’t get all the adrenaline out and… well, you won't believe how strong she is when she wants to be. I still have bruises from the last time. How long ago was that, Laura? The Thursday before you left? Right?” She moved closer to Laura. “Have you shown her that trick yet? The one you can do with your legs?” She raised her eyebrow at Carmilla. “That one’s fun. The last time she did that I had to call in sick. She’s a naughty girl when she wants to be.”

Carmilla’d heard that people saw red when they were angry. She wasn’t sure if that was true but she was definitely starting to believe it might be. She didn’t even remember doing it. Or moving to do it. But she shoved Elle hard enough to knock her backwards. Elle jumped up; intent on swinging back, when Laura grabbed Carmilla around the waist.

“No way, Mike Tyson.” She pulled Carmilla further away and shoved her behind her. She turned to Elle. “Stay away from me...us. I want you out of my life. This is it. Every single thing I didn’t want to believe about you is true. You have two weeks. If you aren’t out by then, you’ll hear from my lawyer. Or my father’s lawyer. Doesn’t matter. Just understand he’ll be a real lawyer. And it’ll be a real lawsuit. Not a pretend one like you’re used to.” She stepped into Elle’s space. “This is not a threat. It’s a promise.”

Elle was smart enough to step back. “You can’t expect this to last.” She waved her arm at Carmilla.

“Lucky for you, it's not your business,” Laura answered.

“And where will you go? It’s your apartment.” Elle growled.

Carmilla shook herself out of the stunned daze she was in. “Where do you think she’ll go?” She asked, exasperated. “With me. Where’s she’s been. I know it doesn’t make sense to you. And until tonight, I still felt a tiny bit bad about that. But I don’t any more. This isn’t a game or a fling or a ploy to hurt you. We aren’t just fucking, although there’s definitely plenty of that…” She smiled. “So thanks for introducing us.”

Laura rolled her eyes. "Not helping," she admonished.

Carmilla shrugged.

Elle stood stunned, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“Two weeks,” Laura repeated.

Elle’s eyes were full of murder.

And it’s time to go, Carmilla thought. “Nice to meet you,” she called at Elle’s friends.

“Good luck with her,” Laura added to Anna. “You’re gonna need it.”

“We should probably go before we get kicked out,” Carmilla whispered, once they’d walked away.

Laura stopped walking. “I cannot believe you slept with that bimbo. You’re lucky that I’m an understanding type of girl. Because seriously. Standards much?”

Carmilla groaned because of course Laura would focus on that. “Can we discuss that at home?” She pulled Laura towards the exit.

Laura smiled wickedly. “I’d actually rather do something else at home.”

“Well move your ass, Cupcake.”

Laura giggled and ran out the door, pulling Carmilla behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been sick. And yeah... Happy Valentine's Day and Yay Season 3. 
> 
> Sorry, I still feel shitty.
> 
> So here's some light reading before we address some potential downfalls of moving too quickly. (With a happy ending, no doubt)
> 
> Read and enjoy (or not, as is your prerogative)

“So Danny’s dad said we could only use them next week without any surcharges. But isn’t that great? It’s been forever since we’ve seen you and more than forever since I’ve been to New York…” Laf rambled. Unlike them, to be sure.

Laura could feel the sweat begin to pool under her collar. She unconsciously wiped at the back of her neck.

“We don’t want to impose, Laura,” Perry added, trying her best to smooth over the fact they definitely would be imposing by stating that they didn’t want to impose.

“We aren’t imposing,” Danny answered for her. Again clearly imposing.

Laura nodded and then shook her head. She rubbed the spot in between her eyes with her pinkie, overwhelmed by the sheer number of redheads filling her computer screen. How did she know so many people with that color hair? It had to be the most uncommon color in the world. Right?  

“Plus, since you and Elle are no longer an item, I can just sleep in the bed with you and Perry and Laf can take the other room. Right?” Danny added, as if any part of this plan was even a tiny bit logical.

“And we get to finally meet the mysterious Carmilla,” Laf added, tying up Laura’s fate in a pretty little metaphorical bow.

“Mysterious,” Laura copied, having not one thing else to say. “She’ll like that,” she muttered, completely unbelievably.

“Well, I suppose it’s settled then?” Perry asked.

Laura found herself nodding already trying to figure out what to say to Carmilla when she returned.

_Hey, my friends are coming next week and I know I haven’t moved out yet, even though technically I’ve known for a few days now that Elle was gone, and I know your show is coming up next week and… say, how about I just take off all my clothes and seduce you so you’ll forget I even brought this up._

She waited until her friends signed off before she threw her head down on the couch. She figured it was time to move out.

* * *

Laura knew when people saw her they immediately thought she was cute. Naïve. Innocent. She was the epitome of an idealist, at least based on physical appearance. Someone barely pushing five feet tall often invited such prejudice. She’d tried, over the years, to play the role. She wanted to see the good in people, look on the bright side, pull for the champion. But life had a way of teaching her the lesson of pragmatism when she tried. She knew in the end life was more of a balance. One day it would give you something sweet and the next day it would rip the lining out of your dreams. She wasn’t sure why she was so shocked every time her world slapped her in the face with a big dose of reality, but she often was.

“I just got a voicemail from my super,” four days ago, Laura didn't add. “Elle’s vacated the premises, so to speak.”

Carmilla hummed. “That’s good. I guess she listened.”

Nothing else. Not when are you moving; are you moving; nothing but a noncommittal response so that Laura knew she was listening. Ugh, she was expecting something a bit more concrete.

“I guess,” Laura finished. She didn’t know how to broach the subject. She decided to take a different tactic. Diversion. “What’re your plans for the day?”

Carmilla shrugged her reply. “I’ve got a few pieces that need cleaning up before my show. I’ll probably just work. Unless you need help.”

“Need help?”

Carmilla nodded, distracted by what she was doing, which if Laura could guess looked to be cleaning her brushes. Violently cleaning actually. “You know…with moving your stuff back or whatever.”

So there is it was, Laura thought. Their fundamental difference. Carmilla spent much of her day, her life really, wondering if the other shoe would drop. Laura, on the other hand, knew it would drop. She found life was less disappointing that way. It kept her going from crushed to terrified; emotions that played across Carmilla’s face as quickly as the words Laura’d just uttered.

She decided to be succinct. “Is that what you want?” Being upfront with Carmilla was the easiest route to take when she was being broody.

“Isn’t that what we planned?” Carmilla countered.

It was times like these Laura called upon an inner strength she wasn’t sure she even possessed. Carmilla had a way… a way of pushing buttons and confusing topics and generally just… just trying to piss Laura off.

“Can you just not… you know, with the vagueness?” Laura settled on.

“I’m unsure what you mean.” Carmilla sat down the brushes she was washing and finally looked up. “It’s a simple question.”

Laura bit back a growl. She wasn’t sure what question Carmilla was even referring to. Or even if there was a question. “Huh?” She finally asked.

Carmilla sighed as Carmilla was wont to do. “Look, I can push back a few things today and help you move your stuff back in. It’s not a lot, right?”

Laura shrugged, clearly frustrated. No. It wasn’t a lot. And yes, realistically (and remember Laura was a pragmatist) it was the best way to go. The trouble was she’d been anything but pragmatic when it came to this… well, whatever the hell it was she and Carmilla were doing.

Any spark of a confrontation left her when she exhaled. “No. It’s fine. It’s not a lot. You’re right. I can get it myself,” she said, moving back into the bedroom. “Shouldn’t take me any time, really. All I’ve got to…”

“Hey…” Carmilla interrupted her, grabbing her elbow. “I didn’t mean…”

Laura turned around and raised an eyebrow in response. Carmilla meant exactly what she'd said. She just hadn't expected Laura to agree outright.

“You don’t have to…” Carmilla let the words die in the air around them.

She always did that, Laura realized suddenly. Pushed the hard decisions aside. Forced Laura to lay her bets bare. Carmilla hedged nothing. Always afraid, it seemed to Laura, that she would lose. So Laura was left with the heavy decisions and choices. Carmilla didn’t want her to go. Laura knew that. But she would never ask her to stay. And Laura knew that as well.

“No. You’re probably right. I should go back. It’s my apartment. I’ve paid for it. It only makes sense,” Laura countered. She began pulling her clothes out of the drawer space Carmilla’d given her.

“That’s absolutely not what I said,” Carmilla answered.

Laura took a deep breath and counted to ten. Then she took another one and counted again. What she didn’t want was a fight. “You could fill a room with what you don’t say.”

Carmilla pulled away. “That’s not fair.”

Laura shrugged and grabbed more clothes from the drawer. Obviously she was being dramatic. She knew that. She just didn’t want to always be the one to bring it up.

Carmilla sat down on the bed. “Will you stop?”

Laura reached under the bed (forcing Carmilla to pick up her feet) and pulled out her bag. She threw it on the bed. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“Why are we fighting?” Carmilla asked. She grabbed the bag. “Stop.”

Laura pulled it back. “One – we aren’t fighting. Two – we will if you don’t let go of my bag.”

Carmilla shrugged dramatically and let go. “So you’re just leaving?”

Laura didn’t bother hiding her dramatic eye roll. “Isn’t that just what you suggested?” Sometimes she felt as if she were arguing with wood. Were they even arguing? She wasn’t sure.

“Stop,” Carmilla said more forcefully. She took Laura’s hand. “Sit down.”

Laura let herself be led to sit. She sighed and squeezed Carmilla’s hand. “Look. I know we’ve been doing,” she waved her arm around, at a loss for words, “whatever it is we’ve been doing, but…this is for the best.” She nodded, suddenly realizing how true that actually was. “We need space apart. Not because I think we’re moving too fast or too different or too...whatever…” She sighed again; thankful for her gift of speech but not for the amount of times it failed her. “You know what I mean,” she settled on.

Carmilla stuck out her bottom lip, even as she nodded. “But it’ll be weird…”

Laura tried to hide her smile at what was clearly a whine. “Weird isn’t always bad; is it?”

“I guess not…” Carmilla whined yet again.

Laura bent closer and kissed her lips softly. “We distract each other,” she whispered quietly. “And while I’m not complaining, I know that long-term this," she waved her hand around the apartment, "isn’t doable.” She smiled in an attempt to lessen the blow.

She watched her words play across Carmilla’s face. She figured it would go one of two ways. She’d acquiesce and agree or she’d disagree and they'd argue. When Carmilla nodded, Laura let go of the very large breath she was unaware she’d been holding.

She bit her lip. “So there’s more…”

Carmilla who was busy watching her chew said lip, finally quirked an eyebrow. “More?”

Laura nodded and put on what she was pretty positive was her ‘I’m cute, just go ahead and forgive me’ face. “My friends are coming next week. They’ve got plane tickets cause Danny’s dad’s a pilot and they’re pretty much nonrefundable or something and… I don’t really understand surcharges and stuff?” Go with a question when the going got rough, she thought.

Carmilla watched her closely but didn’t say anything.

Laura hated how much Carmilla could say with her silence. “And they just decided they could stay with me. Which I mean, where would they stay? It’s not like any of them are rolling in the money or whatever… and anyway, I told them they could. Because what could I say? Basically you try arguing with three redheads. It’s like something out of a horror movie. Or one level of Dante’s hell. But whatever…except there’s only two beds at my apartment. Who knew that would ever be a problem? And Danny’s so super tall, plus Perry and Laf are… I don’t know what they are really, but I think Danny thinks we’re gonna sleep together…” She opened her eyes extra wide when she finished. “I mean not sleep together, sleep together, cause…whoa. Not like that at all. But I can’t put a guest on the couch and I just don’t…” She shook her head and tried to smile and not worry about why Carmilla wasn’t speaking. “…plus you’re show, so you’ll have people there, well my people, but they'll become your people... people there… people to support you. Besides me. Yay!” She threw up her arms in mock joy.

Carmilla twisted her head to the side. “Yay,” she countered.

Laura wasn’t stupid, but that didn’t sound like an excited Yay to her. That sounded like a ‘you’ve dug yourself into a mighty fine hole, Laura Hollis’, Yay. She squinted in fear of the retaliation she was sure to come.

“Why are you squinting?” Carmilla asked.

“Preparation for the inevitable?”

“Is that a question?”

Laura still squinted. “Depends on the answer?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “I’m not mad your friends are coming, Cupcake. What kind of person would that make me?”

The Carmilla kind? Laura was smart enough not to ask. “Well I know that we…”

Carmilla stood up. “Plus what are we really doing here?” She interrupted. “I mean we can’t go on playing house in my studio forever. And what kind of person would get jealous of you sleeping in the bed with your gigantic ex-girlfriend? The jealous kind. And I’m not jealous. I trust you. Plus, I mean I was kinda wondering when you were gonna go home. I mean…”

“Whoa… wait a minute,” Laura stood up. “You were kinda wondering when I’d go home?”

Carmilla nodded. “Yeah. I mean we can’t just stay like this indefinitely. It’s not like we’re…” She seemed to catch herself.

Too late for Laura. “Not like we’re what?”

Carmilla physically backtracked. “I don’t know. Ignore me. You just kinda ambushed me when I walked in.”

Laura shook her head and crossed her arms. “Ambushed you? Are you joking?”

Carmilla scrunched her face. “Do I look like I’m joking?” She seemed sincerely inquisitive.

Which, for whatever reason, fueled Laura’s anger. “You look like a jackass.”

Carmilla lifted her eyebrow. “Are we fighting? Cause I’m not sure. I sort of suck at certain verbal cues and want to be prepared,” she smiled.

Laura tried to hold her frown, but wasn’t even mildly successful. “You play dirty,” she semi-smiled back.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and sat back down. She pulled Laura into her lap. “Do I want to see you move? Nope. But was I expecting it? Yep. So I’m not mad or anything.” She kissed the column of her neck. “Do I want you sleeping with Agent Orange? Hell no. But do I trust you? Emphatically.” She turned Laura’s head and kissed her on the mouth this time.

Laura caught herself moaning. “Will you miss me?”

Carmilla tugged Laura’s lip between her teeth. “Will I miss the alarm going off before normal humans are even in bed? Not really. No.”

Laura swatted her arm. “Ass.”

Carmilla fell backwards, bringing Laura with her. “You like it,” she teased.

Laura turned around and straddled her. “Maybe…”

* * *

“Living room. Kitchen. Bedroom. Other bedroom. Bathroom. Grand tour complete,” Laura smiled completing her 360 degree tour and plopping down on the couch.

“You weren’t kidding about it being tiny,” Danny observed, sitting down next to her.

Everything was tiny to Danny, Laura almost said. She smiled instead. “One of the girls in my cohort is married with twin babies and a two-year-old. Their apartment is smaller by at least a hundred square feet.”

"That sounds like my definition of hell," Laf frowned.

"Ditto," Laura agreed.

“Well, it’s tidy,” Perry observed. “And lived in…” She frowned slightly. “We sort of thought you were still staying at Carmilla’s?” She looked around as if Carmilla would magically appear from the woodwork.

Laura shook her head. “I moved back here about a week after Elle vacated. And the super’d changed the locks.” She internally shuddered at the thought that Elle could still get in and was thankful her super was understanding.

“So when do we get to meet her?” Laf asked. They sat down on the arm of the chair Perry was occupying.

"Uh... you already know Elle," Laura stated.

All three rolled their eyes. "Carmilla," they said, weirdly in sync. 

Triple Ginger speak. Creepy. Laura nodded. “She wanted to be here when you guys got in, but she’s got her gallery show day after tomorrow. It’s in a cool little place in Soho. You guys remembered; didn’t you? I mean it’s not super fancy or anything but…”

“Chill, Hollis,” Danny interrupted. “We remembered. I brought my clean gym shorts.”

Laf nodded. “And I brought a skirt.”

Laura looked appalled.

“They’re teasing you. Which isn’t nice,” Perry added.

Laura smiled, trying to erase the images from her head. “Who’s hungry?”

* * *

“The door is obviously big enough for him too,” Lafontaine interrupted yet again. “I don’t understand the logistics of this movie. How is it heroic if he’s just stupid? They would’ve both fit just fine. If he's too stupid to realize that, then he's culling the herd anyway. Good riddance.”

“You’re ruining the atmosphere and frankly sort of scaring me,” Perry interjected. "They haven't even gotten to that part yet."

"Oh far be it for me to spoil the ending of the movie, Per. I thought you knew that the boat sank."

“I’ve got to agree,” Danny stated. “She could’ve scooted over.”

"And yet, neither of you have made it to the end of the movie. For all you know, Godzilla could appear and eat everyone." Perry sighed dramatically.

"Oh cool," Laf nodded. "I hope that happens."

Perry rolled her eyes and looked to Laura for help.

Laura rolled her eyes back and was set to rescue her and tell them to shut up, when her phone chimed.

_Carmilla: Hey hot stuff. Whatcha wearing?_

_Laura: A life jacket. From now on… I will always wear a life jacket._

_Carmilla: Well that wasn’t where I expected this conversation to go._

“It has nothing to do with her red hair, Per.” Laf stated. Laura wasn’t sure what caused that observation. Or if she wanted to know.

“I’m just saying it’s sad because she’s a redhead. There’s too little representation as it is. Their babies would’ve been little ginger dolls and now they’ll never…” She sniffed.

Danny raised both her eyebrows at Laura in a ‘missed us?’ sort of face.

Laura countered her facial expression and then smiled.

_Laura: Arguing about whether or not the Titanic was fair to redheads_

_Carmilla: The boat or the movie?_

_Laura: I have no idea. Here’s a quick question. Was the door big enough for both of them?_

_Carmilla: Yeah. But it would’ve sucked if they’d both survived. One of them had to go. And seeing as Winslet made even me believe redheads were sexy for a hot second, I figure it would have to be Jack. Right?_

_Laura: That’s the dumbest argument I’ve heard tonight. And I’ve heard plenty._

_Carmilla: You wound me. Why the hell are you watching Titanic anyway?_

_Laura: Cause it was on? We couldn’t decided because Danny wanted to watch some dumb basketball game, Laf wanted to watch Bill Nye, and Perry is way, WAY too into the Food Network to ever be allowed to touch the remote. So we settled on Titanic._

_Carmilla: What was your contribution?_

_Laura: Duh. Titanic. And I always win. Plus it’s my house. Which feels sorta empty since you’re not here._

Since Laura’d moved back, Carmilla had stayed over. At first it was because it was too late or too cold or too whatever but the last couple of nights they'd given up pretenses.

_Carmilla: Miss me?_

_Laura: Nope_

_Carmilla: Sure about that?_

Laura was about to respond when a picture came through.

_Carmilla: Remember when we talked about Wonder Woman the other night? It’s weird the things you can find in this city if you just walk around and peer in some shops or something._

Laura’s face instantly flushed. She hoped that the others didn’t notice. Or that they didn’t have like some sort of x-ray phone vision.

Carmilla was wearing a tiny pair of blue boy shorts with white stars and a red tank top with the famous gold emblem. She even had on a pair of knee high red leather boots, though Laura was suspicious that they didn't come with the outfit and Carmilla'd just been hiding them. She had her face turned away from the camera, most likely because she was more embarrassed sending it than Laura ever could be receiving it. And truth be told, it wasn’t the sexiest lingerie, photo-wise, Laura’d ever received. But it sure the hell was the hottest.

_Laura: I can’t even form words with my fingers right now_

_Carmilla: I take it you like it? Cause I might have bought you one too._

_Laura: Like it… that’s putting it mildly. But I don’t want to be Wonder Woman. I want you to be Wonder Woman, and holy shit you are definitely looking like Wonder Woman._

_Carmilla: No. I got you this one._

Another photo came through. Laura had to hide her scoff.

_Laura: Do we need to get into the differences in comic universes again? DC? Marvel? Completely different universes unless you count crossovers. Spiderman and Wonder Woman weren't a thing. Also, where is the rest of it?_

_Carmilla: That is the rest of it. I figured we could write our own superhero comic book story or whatever._

_Laura: Well that would be canonically impossible honestly_

_Carmilla: Today you can be Hot Fuck me Laura and not Cute Dork Laura. And just say, ‘oh Carm, good idea. We can fight for dominance of the underworld.’_

Laura rolled her eyes at the fifteen thousand things that were wrong with that suggestion before she scrolled back up and looked at the pic Carm had sent her.

_Laura: Fair. But you’re getting a mild education afterwards. And you have to be evil. Every superhero story needs a good and bad guy._

_Carmilla: I won’t argue, but I don’t see why I have to be the bad one._

_Laura: Because good always wins. And so do I. Goes to show I’d be the winner. Now bring that on over here._

_Carmilla: I didn’t buy enough costumes for everyone. Sorry. They were out of Groots at the store._

Laura frowned, realizing her dilemma.

_Laura: Okay. Maybe leave them at home but come over here. They want to meet you and they’re playing the violins so the movie can’t be much longer._

_Carmilla: Your friends play the violin?_

_Laura: On the damn boat. Keep up._

_Carmilla: Poor Jack_

_Laura: He’ll just reincarnate himself as Gatsby. He’s the real superhero._

_Carmilla: Dork. I’ll see you in twenty._

“Texting your sweetie?” Perry asked.

“Hmmph,” Laura grumbled. “No. And aren’t you guys watching this movie? It’s the climax. People died making this movie.”

“No one died making this movie, Laura.” Danny interjected.

Laura pouted. “Well, people died and then they made a movie about those people dying and so it’s sort of the same thing.”

“Not at all,” Laf added. They slowly slid Laura’s beer away from her with their foot. “Might want to lay off the sauce.”

“Carm’s coming over in a few,” she rushed out. “So be nice,” she made eye contact with Danny specifically.

Danny held up her hands. “I’ll try as long as she does.”

Laura groaned. That sounded a lot easier than it would be.

“Don’t worry. No one will embarrass you.” Laf grinned like the maniac they were.

“That’s absolutely right,” Perry smiled, smacking both of them lightly on the back of the head.

Thank you, Laura mouthed at the only kind set of eyes in the room.

* * *

She forgot Carmilla had a key, and to be honest the rest of the movie was nothing if not dramatic. So dramatic in fact, she didn’t hear Carmilla come in.

“It looks like I picked about the worst time on the planet to walk in, huh?” She spoke softly from the doorway.

“Oh Carmilla, it’s so nice to meet you,” Lafontaine jumped up about to herd Carmilla into the kitchen.

“Nope,” the other three yelled as Perry pulled them back down. She smiled at Carmilla. “It really is a pleasure to meet you, but Laf has never made it to the end of the movie. They claims it’s the physics, but actually it's the emotions that does it.”

“I just don’t understand why those people jumped off. Just hang on a bit longer. And I hate that mother. Ugh. Of course she survives, doesn’t she? And the damn door. It was big enough for two.”

Carmilla quirked her lips. “Agreed.”

"We aren't arguing about the door again," Laura said and patted the other side of the couch that Danny wasn’t occupying.

“Elvira,” Danny muttered as she walked by.

“Clifford,” Carmilla acknowledged.

“I’m Lola, but everyone calls me Perry. And this is Lafontaine. They’re crying right now. So the three of us are in states of shock. Sorry if we weren’t more hospitable in our introductions.”

Laura and Danny nodded their agreement.

"No one is crying!" Lafontaine growled. 

The rest of the room ignored them.

Laura frowned at Carmilla. “Every time I watch this movie I hope it’ll end differently. Like she’ll find out that he found another piece of floating driftwood. So he could live too. And then they can have little ginger babies that look like little angels. And how fair is it that she has a life jacket and the door? She just automatically got the door? Was feminism not even a thing in the early 1900s? Ugh,” She buried her face into Carmilla’s neck.

Carmilla pulled her closer. “Misguided chivalry. It’s been the death of many men.” She kissed the side of Laura’s head.

Neither woman noticed the other three watching them. Carmilla was content to ignore a formal greeting for as long as possible and Laura’s face was buried in her neck.

They let the rest of the movie play in complete, albeit comfortable, silence before anyone spoke.

“Hands who’s weirded out by that?” Laf asked, motioning to the position Laura and Carmilla were in.

All three redheads raised their hands slowly.

“Good. So not just me.” Laf stood up. “Lafontaine. Nice to meet you.”

Carmilla took their hand. “Carmilla. Likewise.”

“A woman of few words. I like her.”

Laura rolled her eyes and wiped a tear away. She hated that dumb movie. Why'd she pick it? “I wasn’t aware we needed your approval.”

“I didn’t say you did. I was just giving it. In case you were collecting approvals or whatever.”

Laura noticed Camilla about to question them and just shook her head slowly.

Danny shrugged. “I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’m glad you’re here. We’ve watched this movie a dozen times and we can’t make it to the end. So thanks for that. I was dying to see how it ended.”

Carmilla frowned. “She throws the fucking necklace into the ocean.”

“I know, right,” Danny answered. “Apparently she didn’t age well and senility got the best of her. Otherwise that was the dumbest movie ever made.”

“It was symbolic,” Laura argued. “Of their love.”

“Exactly,” Perry agreed.

“The symbolism is burying a priceless heirloom at the bottom of the ocean instead of…I don’t know…” Carmilla offered.

“Of giving it to her grandchildren so they’d never go hungry? It seems a bit sentimentalist to me.” Laf interrupted.

Laura crossed her arms. Maybe she agreed with them practically speaking. But she wasn't willing to concede just yet. She frowned at Carmilla. “So, hypothetically speaking..."

"Ugh," the other three women groaned.

Laura ignored them. "Hypothetically speaking, you would just keep my necklace? You wouldn’t bury it with me? As a symbol of whatever it was we’d have had if we were on the Titanic and you managed not to drown?”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow in a challenge, even as Laura’s friends bent closer to hear how she could work her way out of this one. They’d never seen Elle win one of Laura’s convoluted hypotheticals, so they were all secretly hoping Carmilla could best her.

“Let’s take a look at the scenario. I need parameters. Is it the same time period?”

Laura nodded.

“And we’re both female?”

Again Laura nodded.

“Well… I know you think you’d be Jack cause you're spontaneous and gutsy, but you’re wrong. That’s me. Grew up unlucky. Looks good in suspenders. Traveled the world for my art. Spent a lot of of my time in Europe drawing French women in various states of undress," she winked.

Laura rolled her eyes.

Carmilla continued. "And spoiled little only child with a wild streak and surprisingly good dance moves, and an award-winning pout, who's stuck in a loveless relationship, that would be….”

Laura full on pouted. “Whatever. Continue.”

“That’s where those similarities would end. Because I’m not dying. Not if I can help it. Because unlike Leonardo DiCaprio, I do not suffer from misguided chivalry and that ocean is cold. Plus you’re smaller than Kate Winslet. And lifejackets are made so that two people can stay afloat. You can thank the boater safety class I had to take in high school for that one. Point being, we both would've made it on the door and neither of us would’ve drowned. Might’ve had a bit of frostbite, but I can think of ways we could've kept warm…” she wiggled her eyebrow.

Laura rolled her eyes when Danny and Laf laughed.

“However, if years later, in another freak boating accident… like seriously, are we testing fate? Why would we ever go back on the water when we literally survived the worst maritime tragedy in recorded history? Are we stupid in your hypothetical scenario, because I have a problem with that. I don't believe being with you would lower my IQ. That would take like an accident or something, right?"

Laf nodded. "Basically a traumatic brain injury."

"Right," Carmilla nodded. "And I don't plan on having one of those either… but whatever… years later I decided to let you talk me into getting on another boat because I am nothing if not a sucker for your pouts, and then lo and behold, in a shocking twist of ironic fate you drowned in another accident where doors and my patience were both lacking… I would still keep the necklace. One, it’s worth a lot of money and I’m a starving artist. It’s good to have collateral seeing as my breadwinner died in a tragic boating mishap. But two, and I’d argue more importantly, I’d sleep with it every night because it was yours and if I was faced with no longer having your heart pressed against mine, I’d at least have a very poor imitation."

Laura was biting the inside of her cheeks when Carmilla finished with a triumphant smile. She didn’t want to let Carmilla win this round, though she knew by the looks on her friends’ faces, she’d already lost.

Carmilla winked at her. “And when I was old and dying, I’d give it to my favorite grandchild, because favorite is better than first. First might be an asshole and I don’t want to give your heart to an asshole. So I’d give it to my favorite grandchild and tell them the story of the day your grandmother was a moron and ended up drowning after surviving the frigging Titanic. And then I’d pray that they got their genes from me. For several reasons obviously. And then I’d tell them to bury me at sea so I could spend eternity with my lady love.” She smiled cheekily at the end.

Laura should’ve cared that they were watching, but she didn’t. All she cared about was kissing this woman sitting beside her. And that’s what she did. She pulled Carmilla to her and kissed her like no one else was in the room.

Except… there were three others in the room.

“Yep,” Laf said. “The Titanic didn’t end with that much kissing.”

“It would’ve been a better ending though,” Danny added.

“Stop staring,” Perry squeaked.

Carmilla pulled away. “Sorry. So I’m Carmilla Karnstein, starving artist, and a fool for your tiny gay. Formally introduced. Nice to meet you guys.”

Laura bit down the biggest smile ever. She’d been worried about the four of them meeting for a week. And Carmilla’d managed to charm them in minutes. Carmilla winked at her again. She bent over quickly and grabbed Laura’s ear with her teeth. “It’s like I’m some sort of superhero or something, huh?” She whispered before pulling back and contributing to whatever conversation was occurring now.

Laura just prayed she hadn't listened and in fact brought the uniforms with her.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I'll respond to comments tomorrow, but I know that someone had a question about "slut shaming." It wasn't intentional. It was just in the moment and something I'm afraid many of us do when we go through that possessive phase both girls are in. It's born of insecurity and years upon years of women demeaning other women as our only worth was to win in a competition of obtaining the best suitor and marriage material. 
> 
> History lesson aside, it's not something I encourage, but a lot of things I write about I don't encourage, like straight moving in with someone you used to "hate." Lying, deception, using alcohol as a means of escape...all things I don't encourage. So I hope it wasn't offensive in that way. In the way that it seemed that it was encouraged, I mean. Because it wasn't. Encouraged. 
> 
> I too have the gift of babble. Go figure. And my PSA for the day - girls be nice to girls. Cause we're just better at everything and deserve it.
> 
> AN 2 - My knowledge of Marvel vs DC comics is limited at best. Forgive the inaccuracies. 
> 
> AN 3 - Because my stupid girlfriend (she's only stupid because I'm sick) works with little kiddies who tend to be germ carriers who should be followed around with men in Hazmat suits, I'm still sickly. Logically speaking then, all grammatical errors are her fault. Not mine. 
> 
> Happy V-day. (And sorry for long notes. That's not usually my thing.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief... smuttyish(is that even a word?) interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my girlfriend was like... "you're posting the chapter before the smut on Valentine's Day? That's shitty. Post the smut. Have I taught you nothing?"
> 
> I realized she was right. About most of it. She hasn't taught me anything really, but whatever. 
> 
> So a brief interlude to say thanks for reading. And also because smut. And I really wanted to do Carmilla's show from Laura's point of view. And also smut. 
> 
> Yep... that never gets easier to say. It's even more embarrassing to write by the way.

Carmilla was nervous. Okay, understatement. She was scared shitless. Not so much about the gallery showing, though that was terrifying in and of itself, but the fact that for the first time in a long time, someone she cared about would be there to witness it.

What if Laura hated it? What if she thought Carmilla had no talent? Or she was a freak or what if she laughed or…

“Stop pacing,” Laura cried dramatically, throwing her arms in the air.

Carmilla shook her head but didn’t stop. “Huh?”

Laura groaned unnecessarily loudly. “How do we feel about strap ons?” She asked instead of explaining.

Carmilla stopped her pacing at that question though. She turned to Laura, now hyper-focused, as she briefly just imagined Laura used the words strap on. “Huh?”

“Strap ons?" Laura asked again. And not as a figment of Carmilla's overactive imagination apparently. "As a thing. You know… that people use to have sex and stuff. How do we feel about them?”

“Oh I thought you meant the other kind of strap on.” Carmilla mocked. She wondered if she’d woken up in an alternate dimension where her girlfriend was British, crazy, or had managed the fine art of cloning. “Is there a reason you’re using the collective _we_?”

I’m feeling sort of royal?” Laura smiled. Carmilla loved how she answered her in questions some times. It was cute and way off the topic of... oh yeah, strap ons. “It was just a question. No need for more crazy.”

“Well _we_ ,” she pointed to herself. “feel…” she scrunched her face. “You’re asking me whether I like strap ons, correct? And not, you know, like how I literally feel about them?”

“Sure,” Laura answered with her canonical non-answer. She was good at that, Carmilla realized. “How do you feel about using them?” She asked again.

Carmilla scrunched her face, pondering the question and the avenues it would lead them down. “Why the word _feel_? What does that mean… you know what… no. I don’t care. I like them. A lot. There you go.”

Laura nodded. “Okay." She clapped her hands excitedly. "So are you super excited about your show tomorrow?”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me… Laura…” Carmilla was in no mood for Laura's roundabout conversation turners.

“Not at all. I mean I can tell you’re nervous, but that’s to be expected. But don’t worry, even though you haven’t let me see your paintings at all,” she huffed, “I know you’ll do great.” She smiled sweetly. “Cause you’re you. And that’s pretty much enough. Right?”

Jesus H, Carmilla thought. That was the worst, fourth-grade pep talk she'd ever heard. “Going back to strap ons…”

Laura shook her head. “No time. You’ve got one day to prepare. What’re you going to say? Oh, will there be reporters there? Maybe I can network,” she nodded at her own brilliance. “Of course I don’t want to be an art reporter, no offense…”

“Uh, none taken…” And strap ons, anyone? She thought.

“But I definitely should think about what I’ll say if they ask me who I am,” Laura frowned. “Oh shit. Who am I?”

“A freak?” Carmilla ventured. "A tease?"

Laura scowled.

Carmilla shook her head. “Can we go back to the strap on question?”

Laura waved her hand around like she didn’t have time for that. “I bought one yesterday. I realized I should’ve asked first.” She stood up. “So what do we say? I’m your girlfriend? Friend? Some chick who likes art? I can be all three you know.”

Some chick who likes art? What the hell was she talking about? “Holy shit, Laura. Slow down. You bought a fucking strap on yesterday?”

“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on?” Laura put her hands on her hips.

Carmilla could physically feel her eyeballs rolling in their sockets. She prayed to a deity she didn't believe in for strength. “Fuck yes, that’s what I’m choosing to focus on. Care to elaborate?”

Laura sighed and plopped back down on Carmilla’s bed in usual over-the-top, Laura Hollis, dramatic fashion. “I bought a strap on yesterday. I would like to use it. Whenever you’re feeling game. However, if you’re going to continue being prudish I’ll just slip it Danny’s carry-on because I may have a tiny bit of a wicked sense of humor.”

Carmilla had to sit down to process that paragraph of information Laura just threw at her. “Okay. First of all, do not and let me say it again because it bears repeating, do not give the giant the strap on. Or any ideas about said strap on. In fact, don’t even use Danny’s fucking name in the same sentence please. Second of all, I’m not a prude. And finally, I’m game. Look at me, being all game and stuff. Game as fuck. Right now. I’m game.” She grabbed Laura and pulled the girl on top of her. “Game, game, game.”

Laura bit her lip pensively. “Did you short a circuit?”

Carmilla’s answer was to kiss her soundly. They were in her apartment. Alone. For once since the ginger triplets got to town. They claimed they were going sightseeing, but Laura figured that was code for going to see Elle, wherever the hell she was. Carmilla didn’t give a damn one way or another. Not now. Not after…

She pulled Laura to her. She sort of wanted to get this show on the road. One, Laura was right and she did need to prepare something. Two, she was worried about when the three of them would be buzzing away on the downstairs buzzer, here to pick up Laura from her play date – Danny’s words. Carmilla had rebutted with, "you've got a phone, grandma. You don't have to pick her up."

And nope, still not thinking about gigantor.

Because, strap on...

Carmilla finally pulled away. “Well?” She cocked an eyebrow.

Laura mirrored her movement. “Well?”

“Jesus, Laura. Now is not the time to be obtuse. Now is the time to show me what you bought and you know… we do what needs to be done or whatever with it... before your entourage comes a’knocking.” She squared her jaw. And before I sound more like a sputtering teenager.

“Aww, come on, Carm. That look doesn’t work on me. I invented that look.” Laura smiled and kissed her nose. She sat up more fully. “It’s under the bed. But I’d rather, you know, put it on in the bathroom.”

Hold up…what? Carmilla thought. “Why would you put it on?”

Laura crawled off her. “Huh?”

Carmilla sat up. “Why would you put it on?”

“Because it’s not real and I’m a girl, i.e. I don't have a real one. And eww. That's gross and not the reason I got it. Cause again, eww, eww, eww," she shuddered. "So I’d have to put it on?”

Carmilla groaned, silently agreeing with the eww part. “No… I mean… I usually you know…”

Laura’s eyes got bigger than Carmilla’d ever seen them. “Do not finish that statement. Seriously.”

Carmilla pretended to lock her lips and throw away the key.

Laura rolled her eyes. “What about our relationship says you automatically wear a strap on? And why is that automatic either way? Why can’t we both wear it? I mean at different times, but whatever… But even so have I misled you that I’m some sort pillow princess intent on you taking control and being all aggressive? Or is it your leather pants and general fuck you attitude that you think gives you the advantage?”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, unsure if she could speak. Right now she had no advantage, she realized.

“Stop being a dork,” Laura answered.

“I’ve never…” She swallowed what little pride she had left.

“Never?” Laura asked, as if she’d just confessed to never eating pizza or going to the zoo and not been on the receiving end of a sex toy.

Carmilla shook her head. “Not that way. I mean I’ve used one before but not… no one has ever… I don’t…” know how to speak because she didn’t want to admit that the thought was quickly turning her on.

Laura pushed her back down on the bed. "Well today is a new day. I want to get inside of you. Like now." She reached under the bed and grabbed the bag. “And I’d rather get this thing on before we start,” she winked and scurried to the bathroom more like a tiny rabbit than a hot chick with a sex toy.

Carmilla didn’t move from the spot she was lying in. What if it hurt? Okay, it wasn’t going to hurt. It might hurt her pride, she reasoned, but not really… cause she had to admit that being topped by Laura was something she really, really liked.

“Stop overthinking,” Laura called from the bathroom.

And why am I so transparent, she also wondered. “Whatever,” Carmilla sighed, trying to sound aloof and failing miserably.

When Laura walked back out, Carmilla had her eyes closed.

“Stop overthinking,” Laura said again. “Broody Broodenstein. Some may say your art is the canvas, but I say it's the brooding.”

"Shut up." Carmilla opened one eye. “That’s the dumbest name ever.”

Laura one-shoulder shrugged. She was wearing a pair of lace shorts with garter belts and Carmilla’d never seen a harness like that and holy fuck, all trepidation she was feeling flew straight out the window.

She swallowed thickly. “Where the hell did you find that?”

Laura shrugged. “A store.” It was an inefficient answer, per usual, but Carmilla gave not one shit.

The dildo was black and didn’t look like it could kill her, so as far as Carmilla was concerned; it was so far so good. Laura hadn’t bothered to put any other clothes back on and her attention was quickly drawn to her naked chest. But then she remembered the garters and looked down, and holy shit, Laura was wearing fuck me heels. Where the hell did those come from and why did Carmilla not know they existed?

It should’ve been funny, like cheesy porno funny, but it was definitely not. Not at all. Not funny. It was fucking hot. Like need to remind yourself to breathe hot. She closed her eyes momentarily so she could clear her mind because she definitely wanted to fucking remember this.

She opened them when she heard music. She wasn’t sure who it was and she didn’t care.

She only cared that Laura was standing in front of her now. She rose up on her elbows, one eyebrow raised in question.

“I like to work with a rhythm,” Laura answered.

Carmilla nodded and swallowed harshly again. “Whatever you say,” she managed to squeak out. Laura could play the intro to Dawson's Creek over and over if she'd wear that while listening to it.

“You might come to regret that,” Laura smiled.

“I highly fucking doubt it.” Carmilla answered.

Laura leaned over and began unbuttoning Carmilla’s shirt. When Carmilla moved to help her, Laura swatted her hands out of the way. “Nope.” Once she was done, she pulled Carmilla all the way into a seated position and reached around her back, unhooking her bra.

Carmilla took the chance to kiss Laura’s exposed stomach, biting lightly. She felt the toy bump against her chest. All of a sudden she thought it looked a bit bigger than she’d originally guessed. She wrapped her hand around it, pulling. Laura gasped.

“Oh,” Carmilla whispered. “It’s one of those.”

Laura leaned back and peered down at her, smirking. “I’m nothing if not giving, but I also thought hey, why not us both benefit? You know?”

Carmilla closed her eyes again, trying to marry the sweet nature of Laura’s voice with the sex goddess standing in front of her. It was a hard line.

“Hey?” Laura asked, bringing her back to the present. “Whatcha thinking?”

“About a million different things. All of which should be illegal.”

Laura ran her fingers through her hair and Carmilla moaned. She had the hardest time paying attention when Laura did things like that.

“Take off your shorts, Cutie,” Laura drawled.

Carmilla rolled her eyes but quickly complied because she wasn’t a moron. Laura was chewing her bottom lip and Carmilla felt heady and drunk. From sheer anticipation. And that had never happened before.

Laura motioned with her chin and Carmilla took the hint and scooted back further up the bed.

“I was saving this as a surprise. You know, for after your show tomorrow, but then I realized that… well, I suck at surprises. Blame it on my lack of siblings. But when I got here this morning, which sucks by the way… you all the way over here in your apartment all alone, and you answered your door looking well… fuckable, I guess. I quickly changed my mind.”

Questions were streaming through Carmilla’s head. How did she get it here? How long had it been under her bed? What did she mean by fuckable? The most she could get out was a slight, “Oh.”

Laura smiled, still standing over her. “And then with the pacing. Back and forth. It’s enough to drive a sane woman crazy. So I thought… you know as a treat or whatever… that I’d give you your present early. At least this one, I mean.”

Carmilla did try to catch on to that at least. “There’s more?”

Laura smirked. “Later…” She walked closer to the bed and Carmilla was impressed she could stand in those heels, much less move like they were part of her body.

Carmilla was sitting up on her elbows again. But her feet weren’t touching the floor. Laura knocked her knees apart and stood in between them and then ran her fingers through her hair again.

“You do that again,” Carmilla smiled, “and I’m going to jump you.”

And then she hit her knees. In one fluid movement, because _krav maga, Carm,_ she hit her knees like a ballerina/ninja and spread Carmilla’s legs while she did it.

She ran one finger down Carmilla’s slit, and Carmilla lost her balance and fell back when her arms gave.

She could feel Laura breathing against her. “I’d say we have about thirty minutes before my friends show up and find us in a mighty compromising position. But be rest assured that the day they leave, we aren’t getting out of bed. And this will take a lot longer from start to finish.” And then she licked.

Laura’s tongue, Carmilla remembered, was magic. She wasn’t sure why she forgot but it seriously shocked her every single time Laura did what she was now doing. She kissed her mouth the same way. Like she was fighting for dominance or control. Like at any minute someone would pull her head away and she wouldn’t get to finish. It was greedy and wet and hungry and Carmilla actually screamed when she shoved her tongue inside.

Her hands were everywhere. Moving up and down Carmilla’s legs. Around her ass, back to her stomach. She grabbed Carmilla’s hands, which were clutching the sheets, and interlaced their fingers. She never let up. Licking and sucking a familiar pattern by now.

Carmilla felt her stomach tighten, because really, she wasn't stone, and the sound... Jesus Fuck, the sounds Laura made... and she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. Fuck the toy because this felt too goddamn good to…

“What the hell, Laura?” She groaned at the sudden lack of pressure.

Laura arched her eyebrow and reached for something on the side table. Carmilla realized it was lube and closed her eyes. When she felt it drip between her legs, she shivered.

Laura ran her fingertips up Carmilla’s side slowly. She was still hovering, but Carmilla could feel her crawling, almost like a cat, up her body. If she had had cognitive ability besides the words, “holy fuck,” she’d have probably commented on it. As it were, she was so worked up that she could do nothing but thrust her hips into the air searching for something to press against.

Before Laura even lay down, she grabbed Carmilla’s legs and slung them around so that she was fully lying on the bed. And then she went back to crawling. Slowly, fingertips dancing. Up and down her stomach. Around each breast. She kissed a line up the middle of Carmilla’s chest, but she still wasn’t touching her. When Carmilla tried to pull her to her, Laura sat up. “Hold on to the railing,” She whispered, moving Carmilla’s hands to the headboard. “And don’t let go.”

Carmilla nodded, perfectly mute and perfectly soaked.

Laura bent lower and kissed her hard on the lips, sucking Carmilla’s tongue into her mouth much like she'd kissed her somewhere else moments earlier. Carmilla moaned against her lips because the taste of herself on Laura's tongue absolutely never got old. Laura kissed her harder.

She moved her lips around to Carmilla’s ear. "I love it when you do that."

"Do what?" Carmilla croaked out. She loved it when Laura whispered in her ear. She’d loved it more if she could just get Laura to stop teasing already.

"I love it when you moan in my mouth," She said, snaking her tongue against Carmilla’s ear. "But you know what I like more?" She didn't wait for an answer. Which was good, because Carmilla couldn't talk. "I like it when you come in my mouth."

Fuck, Carmilla’s brain short-circuited and she jerked her hips up. This time Laura let her. She felt the dildo for the first time bounce against her stomach and wondered how the hell she was going to get it inside of her if she had to hold on to the fucking railing. She went to move her hand.

“Nope,” Laura tutted and batted her hand away.

Carmilla gripped the headboard again, sighing dramatically.

And then Laura lay down flush against her. And she wiggled. Just a little bit.

“Fuck,” Carmilla moaned loudly. She jerked her hips again. “Please,” she was not above begging. She didn’t even need to be told to beg. If Laura didn’t do something quick, she’d come just from the friction. She moaned again.

And then Laura…stopped. Fuck, what was she doing, Carmilla wondered. She opened her eyes hesitantly.

Laura smiled wickedly.

"Please…stop teasing me. Please." If she'd been more aware, she'd have winced at how needy she sounded.

 Apparently, Laura loved it because she giggled. And Carmilla actually felt herself get wetter. She watched Laura guide the toy where she wanted it though. Her eyes flicking down between their bodies and back to Carmilla’s face, gauging her reaction. Carmilla nodded and Laura slowly pushed it inside.

And holy god fucking finally, Carmilla thought. Laura lay flush against her for another few moments, letting her adjust. Maybe adjusting herself. She wasn't sure and she didn't care. Cause it felt fucking golden and amazing. Carmilla went to move her hands again and Laura rose up, placing hers on top of Carmilla’s. “Nope,” she winked. And then she thrust. Just once. And Carmilla didn’t realize she could go deeper and it felt like heaven and nothing was supposed to be this fucking good and she wondered if she was going to die today...

Laura bent down and kissed her forehead. She started a soft rhythm and Carmilla briefly remembered why there was music playing and hoped like fuck the next song was fast and hard, because this shit was torture. Good torture, if that was a thing. Whatever. Her brain wasn’t working and that was fucking fine with her.

"Carm, I really wanted to use this when I could fuck you all day. But we can't. So if we're going to do this," Laura was breathing heavy, still hovering above her, "then we're gonna do it the way I want," she winked.

When the music changed, Laura picked up her pace. She never pulled completely out, content to fuck her in small deep thrusts. She reached down and grabbed Carmilla’s thighs, throwing her legs around her waist. It changed the angle enough that Carmilla was pretty sure she lost her vision temporarily.

Laura wrapped her fingers around Carmilla’s wrists, which were still on the headboard. She kissed Carmilla sloppily, and picked up her pace. Her thrusts were deep and hard and she never pulled completely out. Carmilla began to hope she'd never pulled out. She'd let Laura stay there forever. In this state of half-teasing, half-bliss and she'd give her the world.  Carmilla had a brief thought of 'she's definitely not a novice at this,' but then realized she didn't fucking care and would write a thank you card to whomever showed her how to do it.

Each new lunge was accompanied by a soft grunt from Laura and Carmilla finally opened her eyes to see Laura’s closed, her lip between her teeth.

“Fuck,” she moaned.

They weren’t making a lot of sounds. Words were too difficult. Their bodies were taking care of the noise. The sweat pooled on Carmilla’s stomach quickly and caused a slapping noise every time Laura pushed inside of her. It was hot, literally and figuratively, and she closed her eyes tighter and concentrated on the way their bodies sounded when they glided against each other. The wet popping noises they made when Laura briefly pulled away and Carmilla chased her with her hips was all she heard. It was obscene and amazing.  

Laura’s head fell between Carmilla’s shoulder and her neck and she halfway nipped at her pulse point before giving up and breathing a staccato-like pattern against her throat.

Carmilla had never been this wet. She’d never had sex like this. Each breath against her throat and each thrust and she felt herself get wetter and she was honestly afraid Laura was going to fall out of her and break this incredible rhythm they had going.

Except Laura was so deep inside of her and there was no way she could slide out. She’d never had that feeling either. The feeling of being so completely filled and taken and their bodies touching everywhere and she still hadn’t let go of that fucking headboard. She was gripping it so hard in fact, she heard when it started hitting the wall, even though she didn't feel it. All her feelings was concentrated elsewhere. Fuck if her fingers were bruised tomorrow. She could care less. Because the thumping against the wall... and the slapping of their skin... and she was in some sort of zen state she didn't even fully understand.

And then Laura started talking again. "I could fucking …do this … forever. Fuck…I want to… fuck you...” She trailed off, but Carmilla got the picture.

And when she talked dirty, Carmilla got even wetter. She didn't even think it was possible. “Me… too,” Carmilla tried to answer and then just fucking gave up on actual words.

"You are so wet," Laura said. Her voice was gruff and harsh and sexy and Carmilla moaned again at the sounds of Laura's words mouthed against her neck.

Laura rose up suddenly and let go of Carmilla’s wrists and moved her hands to Carmilla’s hips. She lifted them up and she pounded. So hard it should've hurt. It didn't.

The orgasm surprised Carmilla. It came almost out of nowhere. She’d been hovering since Laura walked out of the fucking bathroom, but when she gripped her hips and clawed her fingers into her skin and plunged into her faster than Carmilla thought possible, her stomach rolled and bottomed out and it had never, never, never fucking felt like this.

“I’m… fuck,” she tried to say it. She let go of the headboard and wrapped her arms around Laura’s back. She tried to communicate any way she could.

Laura pressed her mouth to Carmilla’s collarbone and she bit. Hard. “Come for me,” she husked out.

“Fuck,” Carmilla moaned louder than she’d ever moaned during sex... or any time ever.

Laura’s own ragged breaths told her that she was following. She thrust a couple more times and then went rigid. She bit Carmilla again. “God,” she breathed against her neck. She licked and kissed the spot she’d just bitten.

Carmilla was still jerking slightly around the toy. Her body intent on pulling it in further, as if it had anywhere else to go. When Laura went to move off her, she pulled her back down. “Not yet,” she whispered, begged, pleaded. She didn't care. 

Laura put her forehead on Carmilla’s and rotated her hips. Once. And then again.

“Oh god,” Carmilla whimpered when she started to spasm again. She felt the heat in her stomach like a warm flame this time. She couldn’t believe she was gonna come again and she almost wondered if she could. “I’m…”

Laura kissed her lips. “I know,” she whispered back. “Let go.”

Carmilla closed her eyes and did what she was told.

When she came the second time, her cheeks were wet.

* * *

It took more minutes than Carmilla cared to count for Laura to bring her back around. She pulled slowly out of her and threw the toy on the side of the bed. She lay down beside Carmilla and pulled her against her chest.

Carmilla couldn’t really do anything but breathe and wonder if Laura was some sort of sex goddess. Maybe she took other classes besides krav maga? Then she realized that would suck a lot, and decided against it.

Laura kissed the side of her head. “I think you sort of… ummm…”

Carmilla moaned and put her hands over her face. “No way. No I didn’t.”

Laura smiled. “Just for like five seconds. Ten tops. Don’t worry. Everyone blacks out every once in a while.”

Carmilla shook her head. “Not me. I don’t.” Nor had she made anyone black out ever. Who the hell does that? What other sort of tantric, mind-blowing secrets did Laura know? And why wasn't she sharing them?

“Except you did,” Laura smiled.

“Except I did,” Carmilla acquiesced. She rose up and kissed Laura softly. “I’d like to stay in this bed with you all day.”

Laura smiled at her because as soon as she finished that statement, her phone rang. “Sorry?”

Carmilla groaned when she saw the groot’s name pop up. “Tell me it’s not a FaceTime.”

Laura giggled and shook her head. “What’s up?”

“Just checking in, Hollis. You guys up for lunch? Since I was told I couldn't pick you up and then she called me a grandma. How old is she? Cause I bet she's older than me.”

Laura smiled and ignored Danny's baiting. “I’m famished.”

“Gross,” Danny immediately countered.

Carmilla twisted her face. What the hell, she mouthed.

Laura rolled her eyes at both of them. “I just got finished with my morning workout. So I need a shower. I’ll stop by Carmilla’s and grab her. Meet you in an hour.”

“You should get rid of that Where’s My Friends App if you’re going with that line,” Danny countered.

“Good point,” Laura conceded. “Noted for future reference.”

“One hour. You don't have to look presentable. Just clean." Danny said. "Oh and tell your soul-sucking girlfriend, Perry went to the market and restocked your shelves because she thinks you should be dead based on what was in there."

"Tell the cute ginger I said thanks," Carmilla trilled.

Laura rolled her eyes. "One hour," she repeated, hanging up. She kissed Carmilla on the lips again. “Shower?”

Carmilla nodded, even though she’d rather stay in bed. She would’ve given Laura her firstborn or her first million at the moment. Hell she'd make nice with the redheaded giant and her band of merry gingers if she had to. As long as the feeling she had at that moment absolutely never changed.

Because it felt good as fuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, such a romantic, huh?
> 
> I don't know how to spell strap on. Is it strapons? Strap-ons? Strap ons? Google is not helpful and makes me feel dirty for asking. I just left the space in cause again, what the hell ever.
> 
> I'm probably gonna have to change the rating on this sucker. But... I'll wait.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my sister had a baby. Early. And I had to go to California because baby and that was cool and exciting and scary... but all better now.
> 
> Hope this chapter makes up for my time away. 
> 
> I think it's going to be about 15 chapters if it works out the way I have it in my head.

Laura realized, belatedly, that the other surprise she had for Carmilla was not at all in fact what Carmilla was expecting. Which okay… maybe she’d led her on. And okay, maybe she was a tiny bit of a meddler, but was it wrong to want your girlfriend to be happy?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, her father would say. She thought it was probably paved with like child molesters and mass murderers but whatever. 

As it were, Carmilla was slamming things around the apartment and just being a general drama queen, in Laura's astute estimation.

“I can't fucking believe that…” And yep, Carmilla didn't seem happy. She seemed pissed.

The whole faux whispering to herself when clearly she wanted Laura to hear her was getting old though. “Will you stop being a baby about this?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “You are ridiculous. You can't take it upon yourself to just…” She shook her head. “Nope. No. I’m not arguing with you. Why would I argue with you when you’re just going to do whatever you want anyway? Is it because you’re an only child? Is that why you’re so spoiled?”

“I’m not spoiled,” Laura crossed her arms.

“No; that’s clearly the behavior of an adult,” Carmilla observed. “You can't just get everything you want. It isn’t Laura’s way or get out of the way. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe otherwise.”

Before Laura could respond, Danny laughed. “Not that we have any idea what the hell you two are going on about, but you dug that hole, Elvira,” she interjected.

Laura raised her eyebrow, like _see_?

“Holy shit, Laura. You don’t want to test me right now.” Carmilla was throwing shirts out of her closet. “Now I have to completely fucking rethink what I’m wearing because…” She trailed off quietly, but Laura thought she heard, ‘I don’t want to murder Laura and go to prison in this frilly ass shirt or I'll get jumped for sure.’

“Ditto!” Laura screamed. “About the prison part. And the murdering me part, asshole.”

“So maybe you two could tell us what’s going on?” Perry tutted. “I mean, this seems to be more uh…serious than Carmilla’s, well…” she waved her hand towards the clothes Carmilla was throwing on the floor. “…eclectic choice in clothing.”

“Oh it’s way more than whether or not I can wear a leather bustier, which by the fucking way, I will be doing,” Carmilla answered, pulling one on.

Perry looked close to hyperventilating. Even more so when Carmilla pulled it right back off and threw on one of those almost invisible numbers she was fond of instead.

“Where does one find leather shirts?” Laf asked. “And invisible ones?”

Carmilla shrugged. “They were gifts.”

Before Laura could rip this one off of her and set it on fire, her computer chimed. Her dad. She forgot to call him back. “Hi Dad,” she smiled, when her father’s faced filled the screen. She hoped he didn’t notice the tension she was probably very unsuccessfully keeping off her face.

He smiled. So maybe she pulled it off. “Glad to see you girls are excited. I can’t wait to see photos. Send a lot, Laura. In fact, might be good to FaceTime me so I can bid if…”

Carmilla stuck her head in front of Laura’s and smiled shyly at the computer image that was Laura’s dad. And ignored the very sharp elbow in the back. “You can have one, Mr. Hollis. No bidding. It’s just a showing anyway. In a tiny gallery. It’s totally not a big deal at all.”

He quirked his head to the side. He didn’t believe her either, Laura thought, edging Carmilla out of the screen. Her dad was starting to like Carm. And that would make the task, that Laura was gonna have to tell him Carmilla was in fact a giant ass, more difficult.

“Well I definitely won’t take one for free. But put me down for the one you think I need. I trust a true artist and their intent. And it’s a big deal to me. Because I’ve never known a real artist.” He smiled genuinely at her. “ Good luck.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hollis,” Carmilla smiled in return ‘accidentally stepping on Laura’s toes.’ “Have a nice night.”

“You too.”

Laura waited for Carmilla to move off screen before she tripped her. “I’ll call you later. Miss you.” Shrugging when she felt more than saw Carmilla catch herself before she fell.

“Miss you too. Love you.”

“Also that,” Laura smiled.

Her father frowned slightly. And she was caught. “Be patient, Laura. She’s nervous and you know how you tend to get…hyperactive as it were.”

She rolled her eyes. “Dad, you can whisper but they still hear you.”

Her father shrugged on the screen. “Well my legitimate worry for your girlfriend aside, I doubt anyone in that room is unaware of your overzealousness.”

He was met with a chorus of: “Nope” and “Completely aware here.” And “I think it’s all the sugar…”

What he didn’t hear, because she didn’t say it until he signed off was “And she’s a fucking meddler.”

And that was it. She’d smiled nice for her dad but as soon as he signed off and she closed her computer, Laura was going to have to murder her girlfriend. Because, if Carmilla mouthed one more damn thing under her breath she couldn’t be responsible for the fallout. “I can hear you.”

“Well aware,” Carmilla called over her shoulder, not bothering to turn around.

It had been a good run. Laura could say that. They’d given their all and tried to make it work. Yada yada yada and other clichés about relationships burning too bright and too hot and maybe some people got the fairytale life in songs that ended with love and happiness and babies or boats or what the devil ever. Not songs about murdering the person you’re supposed to be dating and getting away with it because really you were crafty and could think on your feet. But she was definitely making that song up and singing it in her head. The only lyrics she had at the moment were _my stupid, broody, dumbass dead girlfriend._ But it was a start.

Laf frowned at Laura. “You have that look on your face. You need to do that breathing thing where you count to ten. And then you guys could stop pushing and tripping each other like you’re five year olds.”

Laura ignored Lafontaine. “Will you at least consider not wearing that?” She tried for what seemed the fifty thousandth time in the last hour. Carmilla’s shirts, though… attractive… were possibly not the right thing to wear to a damn gallery showing.

“I’m not changing clothes again. I’m not. Stop fussing and mother henning and what the hell ever else it is you’re doing…” Carmilla groaned, swatting Laura’s hand away from her shirt. “As if I weren’t already nervous and then you… ugh,” she yelled into the air.

Danny frowned. “Uh... we still have no idea what’s going on, but you two realize the show’s in like four hours. Right?”

Neither Laura nor Carmilla even pretended to listen.

“Dude, she just called you a mother hen,” Lafontaine observed, ever so freaking helpfully.

Laura growled until she was almost out of breath. “Stupid, useless, artist, painter, all look at me – I’m cool and artistic and broody. When they were giving out personality traits, you must’ve just kept on returning to the broody line like the weird kid who stalks the one house on Halloween that gives regular-sized candy bars cause she's a selfish and ungrateful little shit.”

“Ungrateful? Are you even capable of using that filter that tells you to shut up? Do you fucking have one?” Carmilla completely stopped moving. “You’re insane, Laura. Like batshit crazy. I’m so over your convoluted and highly dramatic metaphors to cull the personal flaws in my character.” She placed the back of her hand against her forehead and then fanned herself with her other hand. “Oh whatever will I do if Laura Hollis can’t swoop in a save my sweet little helpless self from making an adult decision without her. I’ll just die; I know I will.”

“Your passive aggressiveness, though totally proving my point, is also unwelcome.” Laura countered.

“Are we gonna ignore the fact that Carmilla just totally nailed that Southern accent?” Laf asked. When no one answered, they answered themselves. “Guess we are.” They turned to Carmilla. “I give it a sold nine.”

“Thanks.” Carmilla smiled.

“Ugh!” Laura yelled.

“Remember your breathing,” Perry added. “Because people are probably starting to think someone is being killed down here and I think a visit from the local police station might hold Carmilla up for _her_  big night,” she stressed to Laura.

Breathing. Breathing! What the hell ever, breathing! Laura wasn’t breathing through this train wreck of a conversation for one more nanosecond. “Screw your breathing!” She clenched her fists and turned back to Carmilla. “Do you own absolutely anything at all that doesn’t look like it belongs on a woman draped over the hood of a Camaro? Like a regular blouse or something?”

“A Camaro?” Carmilla echoed. “What the fuck…”

“I can’t believe Laura knows what a Camaro is,” Laf interjected.

“No kidding,” Danny added.

“And who wears a goddamn blouse?” Carmilla asked.

Laura almost turned her tiny wrath on them until she noticed Carmilla’s face. And… okay, maybe, based on the sheer look of murder in Carmilla’s eyes and the tiny angry stomp she made when she turned around…maybe she’d crossed an itty-bitty line with that one.

Laura squared her shoulders and decided to stand behind said statement nonetheless.

“And nope,” Danny interjected, grabbing Laura by the shoulders when Carmilla leaned in closer. “She’s got to be there early and we don’t so let’s go back to your apartment, change, go eat, and keep your tiny ass alive one more day because nobody here wants to deliver the news to your dad that Carmilla mauled you before her big gallery opening. Then Poppa Hollis would have to fly over and kill her in some weird Austrian retaliation scandal before he died on his honor or sword or something. And everyone would be dead except for the three of us, cause we’re well the hell over the two of you and your crazy.”

Laf and Perry nodded in agreement.

“You mixed like seven different cultures in that scenario. It was possibly offensive.” Laf observed. “But also true.”

Carmilla growled. “You better thank your ginger Amazon because…”

Laura bowed up at that. “Because what?”

“Ugh!” Carmilla moaned when she realized she had nothing to say. “I’ll wear a bra. In fact,” she ripped her shirt off dramatically. “That’s all I’m fucking wearing. A bra. And not this one,” she unclasped it. Sliding it off before Laura’s friends could avert their eyes. She grabbed a black lacy one and slid it on in one fluid motion. “This one.”

“Oh my god. You just flashed all three of my friends. Seriously?”

Carmilla nodded smugly. “Yep. And I’m gonna flash half of fucking Soho in about two hours too. Unless Elle left a fucking _blouse_ ,” she spat out the word Laura used earlier only to make a point, “because apparently you turned her into my seventy year old grandmother in the last two years. Or something equally preppy and yuppy and just goddamn fucking horrible. Might as well call her up and see if I can borrow her granny wear. Let’s just invite everyone that I never want to see again.”

“All righty then,” Perry said. “So let’s all calm down.”

Laf pulled her out of the way. “Shh. Don’t get in the middle of that. Let Lawrence deal with it.”

Danny threw up her hands in a sign of surrender. “Uh no. I draw the line at nakedness and Elle and seventy year olds. What the hell are we even talking about because both scenarios seem stupidly painful?” She shook her head. “And what the hell are you two actually fighting about? It can’t be Wednesday Addams’s wardrobe here. Cause I’m seriously doubting that’s a new revelation. Or you’re more clueless than I thought.”

“Oh it’s not my clothes.” Carmilla smirked suggestively. “Not any other time at least... like when they’re lying on her floor.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “You are a child. A child. I realize it now. A complete and utter toddler. I’m going to jail. Someone should arrest me. I'm dating a toddler.”

Carmilla glared at Laura before turning to Danny. “You’re right. It’s not about blouses or bras or broodiness. It’s about your little pal, Lauronica Mars, here who took it upon herself to send my fucking pretentious ass sister the press release. I don’t even know how she found her.”

“I’m a journalism major!” Laura screamed for what she was sure was the fifty thousandth time since this morning. “There’s not a lot of Matskas running around frigging Boston. A four year old with access to Google could’ve managed to find her. I mean I basically just had to ask Siri about a Boston Matska and she popped right on up. Magic... I tell ya.” 

“Oh you’re hilarious with all the meddling you do.” Carmilla clenched her jaw.

“Because you’re stubborn with all the brooding you do.” Laura mirrored her movement.

“You’re nosy.” Carmilla growled. “And get a new insult.”

“Okay, you’re not just broody. You’re a worrywart. A big, dumb, worrier.” Laura countered, out of creativity at that point. “And an idiot.”

“Well we can agree on that,” Carmilla nodded, “seeing as I told you her name like a moron who trusted you not to track her fucking down and invite her to my showing.”

“Fine,” Laura huffed more dramatic than she’d been in years. “Go to your stupid gallery opening in your stupid bra and have your stupid fun and my not stupid friends will attend. But it will be a cold day in Dante’s Inferno before I show the hell up.”

"I actually think there was a cold hell in Inferno. Right?" Laf asked.

Laura didn't know if they answered them or not because she stormed out of the apartment. And then came to a screeching halt when she realized none of her three friends were following her. “Coming?!?”

All three jumped to attention with various muttered apologies that Carmilla waved off with whatever and cold day in hell my ass or something equally stupid and dramatic that Laura was not listening to because she was standing in the hallway, arms crossed, pissed the hell off for being a good girlfriend.

She stomped around the corner, still pissed and arms still crossed and ran almost completely into someone. “Sorry,” she immediately muttered. “I’m usually looking where I’m going and not barreling into...” she caught the woman’s eye. “…incredibly well-dressed strangers.”

“No harm.” The woman nodded. “Is this Carmilla Karnstein’s residence?”

Laura raised an eyebrow at the well-kept woman standing in front of her. Not Carmilla’s usual type but she didn’t really care about that at the moment because wouldn’t it be just like Carmilla to have some ex girlfriend drop in before her show? And okay actually it wouldn’t at all, but… focus, Laura. “Who’s asking?” She huffed.

“Matska Belmonde,” the woman uttered, hand outstretched. “I’m Carmilla’s sister. But you can call me Mattie. Everyone does.”

Laura took a half step backwards. “You’re black…” And then threw her hand over mouth because really? Had she left her brain and her manners inside on the floor with Carmilla’s bras?

“You must be the intrepid reporter she’s seeing? Can’t get anything passed journalists nowadays. And here I was trying to hide it. So much for my disguise. Alas, your assumptions are correct. I’m black.” She looked Laura over from head to toe. “And you’re cute and bubbly. And seemingly angry. Both of which tell me you know my sister well.”

“I’m pretty sure your sister’s pissed off half this city for one reason or another, so that’s not really an astute observation.”

“Reasonable assumption,” Mattie nodded.

Lafontaine walked outside the door. “Laura, maybe we should rethink the whole leaving your girlfriend in the lurch and…” they stopped short. “Hello, new person who I’m assuming is the sister at the middle of this conflict.”

Mattie nodded. “Are you a reporter as well?”

Laura caught the shade but ignored it, even as Laf laughed. “Scientist. But it only goes to figure…”

Mattie brushed by both of them and into the apartment. Laura swallowed because possibly, maybe, perhaps she’d made a tiny bit of an error with her presumptions of sending the press release to Carmilla’s Louboutin wearing scary looking sister.

“Carm, darling. Where are your clothes? You’re not wearing those rags. You can’t be serious? Do you not even notice that you have guests? Or do you care that you’re half naked?” She turned around to Laura. “Call your ex girlfriend. Elle always had designer duds handy.”

Laura frowned at that suggestion and wondered how Mattie knew she was Elle’s ex. “Uh maybe that’s not the best…”

“Oh please,” Mattie waved her arm around. “Elle and Carm are like magnets. Oil and water. Back and Forth. Arguing. Making up. Arguing. Fighting. Making up. Crying into their cheap alcoholic beverages because nobody loved them and life is just so hard and so mean and woe is us. It’s disgusting but normal,” she drawled out. “I guess that’s where we are now? The Carm stole the girlfriend stage? Old hat, darling, isn’t it? At least this one’s a step up from the last model you had around.”

Laura couldn’t even wrap her mind around what the woman was saying. “Hey,” she harrumphed and then didn’t know what else to add because she wasn’t sure if she was being complimented or insulted.

Mattie smiled. “Well, hey to you too. I have to admit you are adorable.” She bopped Laura’s nose with her index finger. “Probably a keeper if you’ve been around longer than a week. But don’t look for Elle and my sister to stop their own little torrid misfit friendship. I expect their weird platonic love story will end with them running from the law for a crime they most definitely committed and driving off a cliff, Thelma and Louise style. And by that I mean dirty and stupid. And so clearly white.” She sat down with a flourish. “Convoluted storytelling aside, they’re close to the same size and Elle has better taste.”

That was the weirdest and yet most accurate description of their relationship Laura’d heard. She was in awe of this new person.

And she could almost hear Carmilla rolling her eyes even before she looked at her. Laura was impressed she’d stayed as quiet as she had.

“Mattie. How good of you to come completely not invited.”

She waved her hand towards Laura. “Your little correspondent invited me. She’s just a little ball of fiery energy, isn’t she? She informed me I was black in the hallway. Though hardly what I’d call newsworthy, it’s nice to be reminded.” She tapped her fingertips together. “You should keep her around. Or if you don’t, I’ll take her. She can keep me grounded. Remind me daily that I’m also a woman. Attractive. If I have children she can ease the blow when they’re born with caramel colored skin and not mewling little pink blobs.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes at Laura. “Smooth,” she frowned and then when no one else was looking, she winked. While the rest of the room looked horrified and apologetic and really, Laura was in shock cause of the arguing… Carmilla smiled secretly.

Laura shrugged and scrunched her nose. “Sorry,” she apologized again. “I just… I heard sister and of course Carmilla’s sister can be black, I just… I was expecting like an older, Carmilla slash Elle instead.”

Mattie feigned gagging. “Stop while you’re ahead, dear. Or make yourself useful and find her something suitable to wear.”

Laura did cross her arms at that. “See?” She asked her girlfriend before turning to her sister. “You know she was going to wear a leather bustier?”

Mattie full-bodied shuddered. “Do you insist on not being taken seriously or is it accidental?” She asked her sister. 

Carmilla groaned. “It’s nice to know that not only will you throw me under the bus, you’ll also be driving it,” she rolled her eyes at Laura.

Laura started to respond but then watched in amazement when Carmilla pulled out from the very back of her closet, a shirt that was… oh my god, she almost exclaimed. Mattie was like a horse whisper but for dumbasses.

“Better,” Mattie nodded. She stood up. “Now. Everyone who is white, vacate my sister’s apartment. We’ll see you at the gallery.”

Carmilla shrugged and walked towards the door. “Nice try,” Mattie trilled, grabbing her arm. “The rest of you scoot.”

Laura bit her lip. “Uh…”

“Oh now you’re feeling guilty?” Carmilla asked.

“Well I was…” Laura said. “But now I’m not. See you in four hours,” she smiled before kissing her cheek. “And maybe there’s one more, tiny surprise hidden around this apartment,” she whispered.

“It isn’t my brother or the old neighborhood dog or something is it?” Carmilla asked more loudly than necessary.

“You just took that to a dark, dark place. And you’re gonna be sorry you made that comparison when I give it to you,” Laura smiled. She bit her lip again. “Are you still mad at me?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “No,” she finally huffed and pulled Laura closer. “But we’ve got to discuss your incessant to need to wiggle your way into my stuff.”

“Leave, please.” Mattie said. “You’re weird sex talk makes me want to vomit.”

“Same,” Danny agreed.

“I completely missed the innuendo,” Laf said.

“That’s because there wasn’t one,” Carmilla told them. “My sister is actually a lot like my girlfriend.” She scrunched her. “Forget I said that.”

“Good idea.” Laura smiled. “Bye,” she smiled and pecked Carmilla on the lips. “And you don’t have time to find it, so no searching.”

“I shudder to think what that even means,” Mattie answered.

Laura’s three friends nodded their agreement.

* * *

Several thoughts ran through Laura’s head as the cab raced its way to the gallery. The first of which they were late… kind of. Well not very late. Like thirty minutes late, but still… she was a shitty girlfriend. Ugh. She was feeling pretty damn bad about just about every decision she’d made in regards to Carmilla.

Her friends were nice enough to point her in the direction of reflection on why it was possibly not the best idea to just totally invite one’s estranged sister to a gallery opening.

_“You’re gonna have to grovel,” Laf told her._

_Danny and Perry both nodded._

_“Well, hopefully she got her to wear like real clothes,” Danny added not at all helpfully._

The gallery was on the ground floor of the building. Laura’d been by the place more than once but tonight it looked different.

For one, there were people there. A lot of people. Like a lot, a lot. Possibly there were better words to describe it, but she was sort of in awe as she got out of the car.

“Whoa,” Laf said. “Is she like a famous artist or something?”

Laura shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not like she would tell me if she was.” She frowned, aware how true that statement was. Laura realized she couldn't name one living artist who'd achieved any notoriety and sort of felt even more like an asshole girlfriend. 

The gallery windows were such that they were afforded a view of the room. She didn’t see Carmilla. But she did see the paintings.

Few moments in Laura’s life had literally taken her breath. Each of those times before tonight had been because of some fear or tragedy or pain.

Tonight was different.

Each portrait was oversized and different. But the theme was universal. The gallery had called the showing Still Chaos and before tonight Laura wouldn’t have understood. But now... She didn’t move to go inside. She could see most of the paintings from where she was standing on the sidewalk. And it took her breath. Like a thump against her chest. It felt physical, but probably wasn’t visible.

In each painting the subject was set in the foreground and in the background was some sort of… turmoil, Laura finally settled on. Chaos. But like the little girls in Elle’s painting, the subject, the person, seemed to exist within the space, while completely… ignoring it. Still. Still Chaos. It made sense now.

“We gonna stand here all night or we going in?” Danny asked.

“I didn’t know she could do that,” Laura whispered.

Perry leaned over. “What?”

“I didn’t know…” Laura shook her head. “Let’s…” She gestured towards the door, still trying to voice whatever it was she was thinking.

Laf nodded and opened the door and followed her in.

She’d never been to a gallery show or anything close and the first thing she did was grab a glass of champagne from one of the caterer’s tray. She was probably gonna have to grovel and it was best to have a bit of liquid courage before that occurred. She saw Carmilla in the room adjacent to the one they were in. She was smiling, talking to someone with a shock of blue and gray hair that made the woman, Laura thought, look twenty and fifty all at once. She started to move closer when she felt a hand on her elbow.

She turned around, expecting one of her friends, but noticed they were already swept away through the sea of people. Instead she found Carmilla’s sister.

“She’s extremely talented, isn’t she?” Mattie asked.

Laura could only nod. “She never painted… the most I saw were sketches. She worked while I was at school. I didn’t know… It’s weird, seeing someone you care about show so much… talent? I don’t know." She shook her head because why couldn't she come up with the right words tonight?

Mattie nodded. “See the girl in that painting?” She pointed to a little girl in a blue dress. She was sitting on a swing in front of an abandoned building. “That’s me.” She pointed to another one. “And that’s me. She draws and paints from memory mostly. I haven’t been that little girl in quite a while.”

Laura smiled. “Well, you were cute.”

“Still am, darling.” She guided Laura to another room. “Most of the paintings are different memories of people. People who’ve meant something to her. Our mother. Elle. You can see it in the eyes.”

She pointed to a particular portrait. It was a room full of women, almost exaggerated in their sexuality. They all wore some type of red gown. And in the middle, one woman, dressed in white. Clean. Laura felt the thump in her chest again.

“That’s you,” Mattie told her. “Do you know what she calls it? She didn’t name most of her paintings, but she did title this one. _Do I Dare?_ I’m sure you recognize the reference.”

Laura nodded. She had a degree in English.

“That’s how she feels about you. She almost didn’t display it tonight, but… well, it took a little convincing and a lot of reassurance. The question – Do I Dare? She’s already answered." Mattie frowned and smiled all at once. "And this isn’t a threat because I think I might like you a little bit. But it is… well, a declaration maybe. She’s never dared before. Not anything. And the fact she’s even questioning it is almost overwhelming to me. She seems hard because it’s how she survives. Some people feel too much.”

Laura nodded. “I know that.”

“People like her, they pretend. Pretend to be strong because emotion is overwhelming. Those people are special. My sister is special. She may seem callous and indifferent but she’s the most empathetic person you’ll ever know. For every tear we share in public, people like her cry a thousand alone.” She smiled softly. “And I’m waxing poetic. Regardless, thanks for telling me about the show. She may seem mad, but… she actually loves me.”

Laura did smile at that. “How could she not?”

“How indeed?” Mattie smiled back. “She’s also been watching us. So go over there because I can feel the tension and it makes my head ache.” She winked at Laura and floated back into the crowd.

Laura looked to where Carmilla was earlier, but she didn’t see her. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around, realizing it was Carmilla on the other side.

Laura turned around again. “Hey, you.”

“Hey.” Carmilla smiled. “You’re late.”

Laura could tell she was nervous. They were standing in front of… could she think of it as her painting?

“I may have did a little self-flagellation when I got home. I’m sorry. I should have asked. It was wrong and I overstepped my boundaries.” She took a deep breath. “But I’m an adult and I will always apologize for my mistakes or missteps. So I hope you believe me.”

Carmilla twisted her lips in a half-frown, half-smirk that was reminiscent of the look Mattie just gave her. She briefly thought about the nature versus nurture argument and realized where she'd cast her bets. Laura was always amazed when she made that face. It was the face that she couldn’t read.

“Yeah. You should’ve asked…but it’s okay. It’s good to see her. And maybe I kind of, sort of, maybe missed her a little bit. And she’s been sort of holding court here all night. Basically selling my work for me. So…” Carmilla shrugged.

Laura wanted to ask about the painting. She did. But she couldn’t bring herself to if Carmilla didn't. So she took her hand instead. She noticed that Carmilla was shaking. She was more nervous than Laura realized.

Laura squeezed her hand. “These are…I’m so ridiculously proud of you. Like… I mean I knew you were good. I’ve seen the painting you gave Elle, but…like I sort of want to be that obnoxious person that stands by people in front of a painting and say, ‘yeah, she’s my girlfriend.’” She kissed her on the cheek. “You’re amazing. This is amazing,” she gestured to the painting in front of them. “It’s…beautiful.”

Carmilla smiled softly. Laura was baffled as to why she seemed so shy before she realized that it was the same thing as asking someone, asking Carmilla, to read something she wrote. To critique something she created. No one finds perfection in creativity. Every flaw stands out to the artist. Every missed opportunity. So Laura didn’t let go of her hand.

“There was something else…” Carmilla frowned suddenly. “I…with Mattie. I…” She took a deep breath. “…my mother is dying. Mattie said to do what I wanted, but that she’d asked for me and…I don’t know. It’s given me all these crazy and conflicting emotions.”

“She lives in the city?”

Carmilla nodded.

“Would you like to see her?”

“Maybe.”

Laura realized why she was shy in that moment. Why she was nervous. “You know I’ll go with you, right? If that’s what you’re worried about.”

Carmilla seemed to let go of a breath she was holding. “Really?”

Laura decided not to be offended. “Really.” She swapped the champagne glass for a full one. “Now talk me through all of these,” she gestured to the paintings. “Because I can see people itching to speak to you. So give me a little tour and I’ll let you schmooze or whatever it is you do at these things.”

She let Carmilla pull her into the next room. Every time Carmilla spoke about her work, Laura felt that thump in her chest. She realized it was a new sensation. Like the opposite of heartache. What did that make it? Why was it so distinct?

And then it hit her... She stopped suddenly.

Carmilla was holding her hand and stopped as well. "Whoa. You okay?"

Laura nodded, not really trusting her voice.

"You sure?" Carmilla asked worriedly.

Laura nodded again. She shook herself out of her daze. "Right as rain," she smiled softly. 

 "Well if you're using shitty cliches I would assume you're okay." Carmilla smiled. 

 Laura nodded back. She wondered how Carmilla could stand there and not hear Laura's heart beating so hard against her chest that she put her hand over it in a gesture to hide it.

 Carmilla watched her, puzzled. "You're being weirder than normal."

It snapped Laura completely out of her reverie. "You're being just as big of an ass as normal." She bit her lip.

Carmilla leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips before biting her bottom lip. "Tease."

Laura shrugged. She wasn't one to argue moot points.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Carmilla was thankful for two things at the moment. First Danny of all people by the way, suggested that Laura stay with Carmilla tonight because, “Frankly, you’re a blanket hog and she’s your girlfriend. And we’ll still be here in the morning.”

Carmilla could’ve almost kissed her. Almost. She'd have needed like a trampoline to do it though and that sounded like a lot of work. 

And second, her sister had claimed after the show, “I have a room. In a nice hotel. With room service and tiny bottles of alcohol. I don’t want to stay in your bohemian apartment for God’s sake.”

Good. Because she sure the hell didn't want Mattie staying in her apartment either. Cause she sure the hell couldn't fuck her girlfriend with her sister there, most likely trying to offer her version of "constructive criticism."

And now, after the gallery showing, they were blissfully alone, standing on the sidewalk, waiting on a cab. Carmilla was so happy she almost giggled. Then she remembered that she didn't giggle because nothing made her giggle, not even cute puppies or whatever. However, she sure the fuck was smiling at the fact that holy shit they would get to spend more than thirty minutes together. She almost started crying tears of joy as they waited for their ride.

She loved that feeling of winning something that other people weren't getting. Like sex with her hot and at the present moment incredibly beautiful girlfriend. It was a general feeling of celebration. However, Laura’d been unexpectedly and uncharacteristically…quiet? Dare she even say…Broody?

She squeezed Laura’s hand and turned to look at her. Laura was staring straight ahead, across the street. Carmilla followed her gaze. There was absolutely nothing there that could have possibly held her interest, and she tried not to let her stomach drop at the thought that something might be wrong.  

Carmilla tugged Laura’s hand a bit so that she turned to look at her. “What’s on that busy little mind?”

Laura tilted her head to the side and regarded her slowly. “Nothing. I’m just…tonight was really…” she frowned and for whatever reason Carmilla feared she’d saying boring. "How well-known are you? I mean in art circles?”

Carmilla frowned back. “I’m not famous, Laura.”

Laura's nod was distracted. “Is any artist actually famous? I mean outside of art circles?”

Carmilla sighed because truthfully it was a valid question. “I’ve been featured in a few publications. Up and coming and all that. There are people who know who I am. I guess if you had to compare art to music maybe, I’d be like one of those Indie singer/songwriters who are well-known to a select group of people but could like still go out in public and shop at the farmer’s market without being asked for an autograph.”

Laura scrunched her nose. “That was oddly specific. But helpful. So thanks.” She regarded Carmilla with a puzzled look.

"What?"

Laura shook her head. "I'd pay to see you go to a farmer's market. That sounds like what your hell probably is honestly. But again, helpful metaphor."

"One, it is one of my many ideas of hell." Carmilla nodded. “And two, sometimes I can be helpful.”

Laura winked back. “Sorry about earlier today. I know we were both sort of stressed and I was…”

Carmilla shook her head. “No,” she interrupted. “You’ve already apologized. And okay…maybe I was sort of being a little childish…”

Laura rolled her eyes. “Maybe a little…”

“Whatever. You weren’t winning the adult of the year award, hotshot.”

Laura shrugged as the cab pulled up. She opened the door and pulled Carmilla in behind her.

* * *

Though Carmilla had drawn the line at a fucking skirt, she had acquiesced to a pair of stupidly expensive black heels her sister bought her last time she saw her. As she walked to her door, she realized why she hated the tiny little straight jackets for feet.

“Do you know how much my sister paid for these shoes?”

Laura nodded. “They’re Manolos. Are you asking or being sarcastic?”

"A little bit of both honestly."

Laura shrugged. "Probably nine hundred."

Carmilla shook her head. “That is stupid as shit. Who pays nine hundred dollars for a pair of shoes?"

"They're Blahniks."

Carmilla rolled her eyes. " I don't know what that means and I don’t give a shit. They're little death traps.” She took them off as she walked to her apartment. “I’m throwing them away.”

Laura quickly grabbed them. “Uh the hell you are. Those are tiny little pieces of art. Give them to your girlfriend who has always wanted a pair if you don’t want them.”

Carmilla opened the door and then turned around, shoes in hand. She dangled them in front of Laura. “There you go, babe. Don't say I never gave you an overpriced and ridiculous torture device.” when Laura went to grab them, Carmilla pulled them back. “Where’s my surprise?” Carmilla asked, shutting the door.

Laura frowned. “That won’t be a fair trade. Seriously. But…” She inched closer to Carmilla. “I’m sure I can think of about seven different ways to repay you for those,” she whispered, pulling Carmilla to her. "Actually. If I show you all seven, you'd probably owe me another pair."

Carmilla handed her the shoes. “Only seven?” She wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist. She pretended to think about it. "If those seven things are as amazing as that smug little smirk suggests they are, I'll buy you whatever pair of shoes you want."

Laura put her hands around her shoulder, shoes still in hand. “I like to keep about seven tricks up my sleeve. Any more than that and there’s no attention to detail. People like me need time to perfect my craft… So seven is my number. But I’m really, really good at those seven. Like amazingly good. Some might even say I’m an expert.” She pressed her lips against Carmilla's.

Carmilla kissed her softly before pulling away suddenly. She cocked her eyebrow. “How many people would say you were an expert?”

“Good try,” Laura winked, pulling away too and taking off her own shoes. “But if I answer that question, then you’d have to as well. And I think we both know how that would go for you.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes this time. “Fair.”

When Laura turned around, Carmilla reached for the zipper at the back of Laura's neck and slid it down. She watched as Laura’s dress basically slinked to the floor. Laura was wearing black underwear and fucking thigh high stockings... thigh high stockings that Carmilla was not prepared for. Not at all.

“Smooth,” Laura deadpanned, stepping out of the dress. She bent over slowly and dropped the shoes Carmilla gave her. She slid her feet into them and took a few steps forward, testing them out. “Oh my god, how can you not want these shoes?"

She walked back and forth, apparently still testing them out. All Carmilla could do was watch. She often wondered when Laura was actually pretending to be clueless and when she was honestly fucking clueless. Carmilla's mouth was dry all of a sudden. She didn’t dare move because she sort of thought she might be dreaming or maybe someone slipped her some sort of drug or something. It had to be some type of fugue, fever-induced, drugged up, dream state, because there was no way in hell that Laura was walking around in goddamn thigh high stockings, heels and black panties and bra in her living room.

Carmilla thought about taking her phone out and trying to get at least one picture to remind herself this was actually real. She took a deep and long breath. “I can’t believe you had that on all night under your dress.” She finally spoke.

Laura turned around slowly. “I don’t normally wear stockings but I kind of thought…why not, you know?” She looked down at the shoes again. “Holy crap. I love these shoes.”

Carmilla moved closer to her. She’d take Laura to Barneys tomorrow and buy her a dozen pairs of shoes if she wore them with what she was wearing or not wearing right now. “Tell me where my surprise is,” she whispered as she pulled Laura against her and laid her palms against Laura’s lower back. She drummed her fingertips against the top of Laura's panties. 

Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s shoulders again. When she tilted her head to the side, Carmilla kissed the side of her throat. Laura moaned softly. “Kitchen,” she said.

Carmilla pulled back. “Kitchen?”

Laura nodded. “Yep. And here’s the thing. You’ve got to give me about ten minutes. You give me ten minutes and I’ll give you the rest of the night.”

Carmilla eyed her suspiciously. “Ten minutes?”

Laura nodded. “Go, you know, get ready bed. I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Carmilla didn’t know if she should agree or not, but it definitely wasn’t like she didn’t have a choice.

* * *

Ten minutes later and Carmilla was still in the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, and whined dramatically.

"Stop," Laura called.

"I'm bored," Carmilla called back.

"You're ridiculous," Laura said. "You need to understand patience and the good things that come to people like you who have to wait."

Carmilla took off all her clothes, except the white button up she'd worn and her underwear. She had no idea how the hell clothed she needed to be.

She was about to whine once more when Laura said, “okay.”

She opened the door. Laura’d turned most of the lights off, but she could still see her lying on the bed. Still in those fucking stockings which were possibly going to be responsible for Carmilla's slow death.

"Finally," Carmilla moaned dramatically. "I have no idea what this surprise entails,” Carmilla observed. “Cause you look exactly the same. If it took you ten minutes to turn my lights off, I’m concerned for your well-being.”

Laura rolled her eyes. She sat up on her elbows. Her knees were very slightly bent. When Carmilla reached the bed, Laura held out her hand, palm up. “Lick my wrist.”

Ask Carmilla what she expected Laura to say in that moment, and she would absolutely never have guessed that. "Huh?"

Laura sighed. “Trust me. Just do it.”

Carmilla side-eyed her but wasn’t going to argue. She'd lick the duvet if it got the show on the road. She took Laura’s hand and did as she was told. She tasted something… strawberries maybe? It wasn’t overpowering. Just a bit sour and a bit sweet. She quirked her eyebrow.

“It’s dust. And that isn’t the only place I put it. But what I like about it, besides the fact it also comes in chocolate,” she winked, “is that you can’t see it once it’s rubbed into the skin. But you can taste it.”

Carmilla was still holding her hand, finally getting the picture.

“Of course, I thought about just leaving the underwear off after I applied it, but then I figured you’d be the type of person who’d want to remove it.” She laid back, Carmilla still stood above her. “So I put it in… well several places I guess. But you have to find them.” She bent one knee and laid her hands against the mattress.

Holy fuck. Carmilla wasn’t sure why Laura still surprised her, but she did. She thought about all of the scenarios she’d let play out in her head and this definitely was not one of them. And that’s what she loved about Laura. She usually could come up with realities that were a hell of a lot better than Carmilla’s fantasies. She quickly unbuttoned her shirt and threw it on the floor, leaving her only in her underwear; her bra already abandoned in the bathroom.

Laura scooted to the middle of the bed. Carmilla stood at the bottom.

“How many places would I be… you know searching for?”

Laura shrugged. “Oh… several.”

Carmilla crawled on to the mattress. She took Laura’s ankles in her hands and spread her legs, bending Laura’s knees in the process. She rested one arm on each of her knees, and she set on her own knees between Laura’s legs. “Want me to start from the bottom? Or the top?”

Laura smiled at her. It was one of those wicked smiles that told her to stop fucking underestimating her. She pulled her legs up and rolled over quickly. ”Neither because you won’t find it on the front of my body. You’re gonna have to start from the back.”

This time Laura spread her legs for her. Carmilla ran her palms against the back of Laura’s legs, starting at the back of her knee and stopping at the top of the stockings on her thighs. She leaned down and brushed Laura’s hair from her neck. She licked a column from her ear to her shoulder blade. Each time Laura shuddered, Carmilla sighed. She realized pretty quickly Laura’d put the powder in places she liked to be… stimulated. She tasted it heavily in the dip in her shoulder, near her throat and behind her ear.

She sucked.

Laura moaned.

Carmilla was still hovering over Laura but when she moaned again, Carmilla laid down on top of her. She was still licking her throat on the left side, biting periodically with her lip-covered teeth. Each time she nipped Laura made little noises that sounded like a cross between a puff of air and a muffled sigh.

She turned Laura’s head the other way, and did the same thing to her right side. Carmilla rose up suddenly and unclasped Laura’s bra, letting her rise so she could remove it. She never stopped kissing Laura's throat, her collarbone, the small space between her shoulders. Each nip getting a bit more forceful until she was sure she would leave a mark. It should have been enough to lighten her little love bites, but truthfully, the fact that a few of them would still be there tomorrow, made Carmilla wet.

She worked her way down Laura’s body slowly as she listened to those half-moans, half-pants Laura made more and more consistently. Carmilla kissed down her spine before tracing her tongue back up it. She licked over Laura’s shoulders and down her sides. Back and forth. Up and down. She bit and soothed. She could see the wet trails her mouth left. When she got to the small of Laura’s back, she tasted the powder again. This was a new one. She figured that meant she needed to stay there a while.

So she did.

She put her hands on Laura’s hips and began sucking and biting the area in Laura’s lower back. She wasn't soft or particularly careful. In fact, with each press of her lips, Laura wiggled and bucked underneath her. It was driving Carmilla wild because it was driving Laura wild.

“Fuck,” Laura mumbled. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

 Carmilla bit the skin at the dip in her back and then pushed Laura's underwear down and kissed around to Laura’s hipbones. She moved out of Laura’s leg space so she could pull the underwear down Laura's legs quickly. She probably should’ve taken off her own as well since they were sufficiently ruined probably long before she started but she couldn’t because time was not something she wanted to lose here. Every breathy utterance of "fuck" told her that.

Once Laura’s underwear was gone, she moved back between Laura’s legs, and sat on her knees. She ran her hands from the backs of Laura's thighs to the tops of her shoulders and back down. Once her hands found themselves on Laura’s legs again; she spread them almost obscenely wide. She could see Laura’s wetness, even in the dim lighting, and she bit back a deep moan as well. She ran two fingers through Laura's wetness and shuddered at another moan of the word "Fuck."

Her fingers almost slipped into Laura automatically she was so wet.

“Oh god,” Laura mumbled, surprised by the action. "Please fuck me," she whispered.

Jesus Christ, Carmilla thought. She didn't need to be asked twice. She wrapped her other arm around Laura’s waist, and pulled Laura up on her knees. She then ran her hand up the column of Laura’s back. She pushed Laura's head back towards the mattress. She watched, not moving her fingers at all, as Laura’s arms rested beside her.

Carmilla sat back once she was satisfied that Laura would stay in this position.

Carmilla rose on her knees. She put her free hand on the small of Laura’s back. She held her down and then she moved her fingers. She twisted them inside of Laura and pulled them out almost all the way before she twisted them again and moved back inside of her.

It was a slow rhythm. In twist. Out twist. Laura was tight, but Carmilla was nothing if not diligent and after a few minutes and increasing wetness, she added a third finger. "You're so wet."

“God, Carm. I…” Laura didn’t finish, but actually turned her head so that her forehead rested against the mattress. Her soft pants and grunts were muffled by the mattress. 

Carmilla studied the way Laura lay so submissively beneath her. She listened to the grunting Laura was making with each twist of her fingers, and was somewhat marveled by the fact that Laura would open herself so much for Carmilla. "You're mine," she whispered roughly, almost surprised she'd said it.

"Yes," Laura mumbled back.

It spurred Carmilla on and she reached with her free hand and took Laura’s hair, wrapping it around her hand.

Laura groaned from anticipation and probably a bit of pain, as Carmilla still pumped three fingers inside of her and back out in that slow, twisting rhythm. "Mine." Carmilla pulled Laura's hair until she rested on her elbows. 

Laura grunted again and Carmilla took that as agreement.

Every time she thrust her fingers deeper, she pulled Laura’s hair and Laura was forced to look up. Then Carmilla would let her relax as she pulled back out. She'd wait a beat, and start the whole process over again. "Mine. All of you." She thrust harder. Almost rough. Laura's legs were shaking with each pump of Carmilla's fingers.

“Fuck… “ Laura moaned. "Carm, I..."

Carmilla pushed her back towards the mattress. She didn't care what Laura was going to say. The fact she'd said her name, drove her on. She used her hips to push her fingers into Laura now. She wrapped her arm around Laura, lying flush against her. She rubbed herself on Laura’s ass as she fucked her. Laura rocked back into her.

“Carm, I’m…” Laura didn’t finish before Carmilla felt her fingers being swallowed by Laura's walls. When Laura thrust into her, she pressed herself against Laura's ass as hard she could and circled her hips. Carmilla came hard and quick, even as Laura’s spasmed through a much deeper orgasm.

When Laura collapsed, Carmilla fell on top of her. She slowly pulled her fingers out. She moved Laura’s hair from her neck and kissed her throat.

Laura turned her head more fully so she could kiss her properly. “Please just stay on top of me for a minute.”

Carmilla nodded. “Okay?”

Laura sighed. “I feel safe when you do that. Cover me with your body like this.”

Carmilla’s stomach jumped. She kissed her again. She didn’t know what to say to that. So she didn’t say anything.

Laura sighed. “You still have panties on.”

Carmilla nodded, pushed them down, and wiggled out of them. When she lay back down, she couldn't help but press against Laura's ass again. She wiggled. Just a little but it felt…

“Can you come from that?” Laura asked quietly.

Carmilla nodded against her.

"Did you mean that?"

"What?" Carmilla asked.

"When you said 'mine'?" Laura asked.

"Yes," Carmilla whispered very softly against her neck.

Laura rose up on her elbows. "I want to feel you come from that. Rubbing against me. Please."

Fuck, Carmilla thought. She wrapped her arms around Laura’s body and thrust against Laura’s ass as Laura thrust back. The wet sound of her slapping against Laura made her shudder. It was almost violent, but was so fucking hot, Carmilla couldn't find it in herself to fucking care.

When Carmilla came this time, her legs shook and then went limp. Laura collapsed under her. With every aftershock of her orgasm Carmilla twitched. After her body stopped spasming, Laura turned over, wrapping her arms around Carmilla. She kissed the side of her head as Carmilla fell between her legs and nuzzled her nose against Laura’s neck.

Carmilla almost said something, but she wasn’t sure what and she chalked all the feelings up to the amazing orgasm she'd just experienced. She sighed softly and instantly understood what Laura said about feeling safe. She supposed that could go both ways. She thought she needed to think a bit more about what that meant, but she was too tired and pushed it to the back of her mind until morning.

* * *

Mattie swung into the restaurant like the fucking whirlwind she always was. She nodded her good mornings at the rest of them and then zeroed in on Laura, a half-smile of puzzlement on her face. “You cannot possibly be eating that for breakfast,” Mattie waved her hand at Laura’s plate. She sat down next to Perry.

This morning, both Laura and Carmilla woke up with texts from their respective guests. They made plans and met everyone at a place in-between the two apartments for a late breakfast.

The other women at the table all nodded for Laura. It seemed no one was particularly surprised with Laura’s breakfast choice of… chocolate… shocker. Specifically chocolate ice cream. With chocolate sauce. And some sort of chocolate pieces. It was a chocolate mess is what it was. She had even gotten chocolate in the corners of her mouth.

She looked particularly adorable this morning. Carmilla sighed to herself as soon as she thought that. She was a big ball of stupid sometimes. At least she kept those thoughts to herself.

Mattie ordered a coffee and a bagel and pushed her sunglasses on the top of her head. “No seriously. Is this what you eat in the mornings?”

Laura shrugged and took another bite of ice cream like she’d won some ridiculous prize or something. Carmilla scooped the whip cream from the sundae or whatever the hell it was with her index finger and tapped Laura’s nose. "She's a chocoholic. I hide it. She finds it. But look how cute she looks when she eats it."

Laura smiled sweetly.

"You are gross," Danny observed.

“Oh god… stop.” Mattie added. “I cannot take my broody, disaffected sister acting cutesy and adorable this early. It skews my worldview.”

The ginger trio nodded as well.

Laura stuck her tongue out at the four of them before she wiped away the whipped cream. She winked at Carmilla and Carmilla winked back. "I think you're adorable," Laura smiled

“You guys know we can see you. Right?” Laf asked.

"I think you're more adorable," Carmilla cooed.

"And hear you," Laf added.

Both girls ignored them.

When the rest of breakfast arrived, the table fell into comfortable conversation that Carmilla was currently ignoring. She could see Laura, who was currently trying to explain to Carmilla’s sister that she never lost a game or a challenge or anything because she always won which was at the very least the most ridiculous example of circular reasoning Carmilla had ever heard, but also for whatever reason Mattie found a lot cuter than Carmilla was comfortable with. She caught Laura's eye and smiled and winked. She wasn’t being broody. Not specifically anyway. She was thinking. About her mother. About what she was going to do.

And also about just taking Laura's hand and leading her to the bathroom and fucking... nope, she wasn't thinking that. Stop thinking that, she told herself. But Jesus Christ, ever since last night and then again this morning and... she just couldn't keep her hands off Laura. She wanted to shout it and other things from the rooftop. Luckily she wasn't completely off the rocker yet and kept that particular desire to herself. 

She’d worked on the painting of Laura for the past two weeks. She was proud of it. Three separate buyers had offered more than she’d ever been offered for one of her paintings, but she’d declined each offer. It was too personal. Too… hers. Too Laura.

She smiled to herself when she heard Laura’s laugh. Apparently her sister was just the most enter-fucking-taining person on the planet. Carmilla wondered if she should be concerned about the bonding that was occurring while she was sitting here completely lost in her head. Mostly because anyone Mattie won over was Mattie's for life. The fact her girlfriend and her sister might bond and then gang up and make her do stupid and ridiculous things like wear dumb shoes was too frightening. Laura seemed to just love Mattie though. Hell even Perry was laughing. She rolled her eyes to herself. Mattie could charm the pants off a Quaker. As long as she didn't charm the pants off her girlfriend though, Carmilla figured she could adjust.

Carmilla nodded at something Laf asked her. She wasn’t really interested in conversation at the moment. She knew, per Mattie, that her mother was sick. Severely, deathbed sick. And that she had weeks, if not days. And she was scared. Scared to go see her. Scared of what she would say to her. Scared of what she would say back. Scared most of all of taking Laura into that dirty place and getting her dirty and… Carmilla shook her head softly and realized she was obsessing. Something that she noticed only because the rest of the table was now staring at her.

She studied Laura’s face for a second. “What?” She asked.

Laura shrugged. “You didn’t hear anything I just said, did you?”

Carmilla figured there was no reason to lie. “No.”

Laura’s eye roll was massive. “I said explain to them your music theory thing about the art community and where you fall or whatever.”

Carmilla shook her head. “You can explain it to them. I just explained it to you last night.” She scrunched her nose. “Why the hell are you all talking about that anyway?”

Mattie took a drink of her coffee. “We’ve been talking about your show for ten minutes. Have you literally heard nothing we said?”

Carmilla shrugged. “I wasn’t listening.”

Mattie smirked at the rest of them. “I told you. It’s the strangest thing. She can completely tune out every sound around her.”

Laura nodded, as if she too was aware of Carmilla’s habit of ignoring banal conversations, possibly because she _was_ aware of it since Carmilla did in fact, ignore most of Laura's banal conversations with everyone else. But in Carmilla's defense, Laura could go on for like thirty minutes about an episode of Meerkat Manor (Carmilla still didn't know what the fuck that was, but learned a heavy lesson of never, ever asking for an explanation again).

“So… what’s your plans for the day?” Laura asked her friends.

The three gingers sputtered and opened their mouths but didn’t speak.

“I don’t care if you see Elle,” Laura answered, rolling her eyes. “I know she’s your friend.”

Mattie smiled. “Oh goodie. I want to see Elle as well. We should make a day of it.”

“The hell we should,” Carmilla answered. I would like to take my girlfriend back to my apartment and fuck her on the floor, and in the shower, and on the kitchen table and...

“You’re welcome to come with us,” Perry told Mattie.

Mattie seemed to be contemplating it. She always liked Elle. Carmilla gave not one shit. She just wasn’t going. And she sort of hoped Laura wasn’t either because those scenarios she was now envisioning would only be successful with Laura's participation.

“We’ve got something to do a little later today. Just call me when you guys get back,” Laura told them, as she caught Carmilla's eyes. She bit her lip. And it was fucking suggestive.

"Yep, we do.” Carmilla added, raising an eyebrow. Laura was well-aware of the hold she had on her girlfriend.

Laura nodded in an exaggerated fashion. "Gotta go soon too."

Carmilla smiled. “Right. We’ve got to…”

Both girls looked to the other for the answer.

“Clean,” Laura answered at the same time that Carmilla said, “Shop.”

“Shop for cleaning supplies first obviously,” Laura rectified. “I don’t think Carm’s ever bought anything that even resembles a cleaning product in her life.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “I thought we’d agreed to go to Barneys. I told you I’d get you that pair of shoes if you showed me that little trick you do with your…”

Laura popped up and put her hand over Carmilla’s mouth. “You’re still an asshole.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Shouldn’t have said that I don’t clean my apartment.”

“You _don’t_ clean your apartment.”

“Still shouldn’t have said it.”

“What’s the trick?” Laf asked.

“Yeah. I kinda want to know too,” Danny said.

Perry shrugged.

“I have to admit I’m interested as well,” Mattie finished.

Truth was, Laura did have about seven tricks up her sleeve. She’d shown Carmilla at least two of them this morning. But there was no way in any kind of hell she was sharing that information with anyone else sitting at that fucking table now overly invested in their love life. Apparently mention words like trick and no one's a prude anymore.

Laura smiled at her sister. “You buy me a pair of shoes and I’ll show you instead.” She smirked at Carmilla. _I always win,_ she mouthed.

Carmilla didn’t even realize she was growling. She popped up and threw two twenties on the table. “We’re going home. Laura has five more things to show me. Then we’re going shoe shopping. We’ll meet you bitches later tonight,” she said and grabbed Laura’s hand. 

Laura winked at Mattie who was laughing her ass off at Carmilla’s ridiculous jealousy. At least Carmilla was trying to control herself. That was until Laura put her hand to her ear in the telephone symbol and mouthed “Call me,” at Mattie.

She couldn’t believe her girlfriend was flirting with her sister. If she wasn’t so adorable and well… actually really talented with her seven skills… Carmilla shook her head. She wouldn’t do anything, she thought, pulling Laura outside. She wouldn't change one thing. Even if Laura had no skills. Even if Laura never had skill. Though, she had to admit, Laura's attention to detail and perfection were a sweet added bonus.

When they got through the door, Carmilla stopped and pulled Laura to her.

Laura bumped into her chest, not expecting the movement. “Oh,” she said, coming face to face with Carmilla. She raised her eyebrow, about to question her…

Carmilla didn’t give her a chance. She put her arms around Laura’s waist and pulled her even closer and kissed her in the middle of the sidewalk. Her mouth swallowed the sound of Laura’s second “oh” and Carmilla moaned. She reluctantly pulled away.

“I…” she stared at Laura, their faces still mere inches apart. “I…” She closed her eyes and bumped their foreheads together. “You make me feel safe too,” she settled on. “I hope you know that.”

She watched the smile slowly spread across Laura’s face. Laura kissed her softly this time. “I do,” she answered.

It wasn’t enough. Carmilla knew that. She could’ve said so much more. She felt so much more. Some weird pressure, under her stomach that spread like a slow warmth around her mid-section and up her chest. She’d been feeling it for the last few days. When she watched Laura talk to someone about something, anything really, that she cared about. She was animated and Carmilla secretly loved the way she gestured dramatically when she got excited and the way she bounced on her toes when she was watching something she loved. She felt it when Laura slept against her and breathed tiny little breaths. She felt it when Laura would unconsciously, in her sleep, always seek some part of Carmilla to touch. When she'd put her foot, or her hand, or her forehead, something against Carmilla, like she was reminding herself (even asleep) that Carmilla was still there.  She felt it when Laura smiled at her. Laughed. Spoke. Winked. Bit that goddamn sexy lip. When she told her how proud she was and how safe she felt… and… and how happy she made her.

Carmilla knew what it was. She’d known what it was for a while.

She just didn’t give it a name because it didn’t need one.

“Let’s walk back,” Carmilla said.

Laura smiled back. “Okay.”

Carmilla took her hand. They really didn’t speak, and Carmilla felt it in the silence as they walked down the sidewalk, back to her apartment. In fact, she felt it anytime she was with Laura. She felt it even when she wasn’t with her.

She decided for once not to overthink it. She was going to enjoy her Sunday with her girlfriend. And if she got her way, she was going to do that naked. Over and over again. Until they were both too damn sore to move.

She still had five tricks up her sleeve. And Carmilla wasn't going anywhere until Laura showed her all five of them.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short look into Laura's head before we shoot into the future a little (by like a few months).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments. I'll answer soon. Just wanted to get this chapter posted.

_Laura's next article for class was entitled, “What Happens When You Don’t Know You’re Falling in Love.” It was for one of her more important classes but it wouldn’t be published, which was a good thing. She didn’t want anyone ever to read it._

_She’d started with a list. The clichéd feelings of beating hearts and bated breaths and thumping butterflies in one’s stomach. How the feelings of love can sneak up on a person and smack them sideways. She felt it was an apt descriptor._

_Then she moved on to actions._

_Those damn actions._

_Real love or new love or falling in love was about actions._

_The action of doing something you would never do._

_Maybe she should have written about boxes instead…._

* * *

Laura hated hospitals. And like yeah she got it. It wasn’t about her. She knew that. Knew that nothing about what they were doing right now was about her. Okay? But it didn’t stop the sick, deep, foreboding feeling that sat like heavy lead in her stomach. She’d agreed to go with Carmilla and she wasn’t backing out. She just didn’t realize it was to a hospital. That one was on her because in hindsight, she wasn't sure where else a sick mother would likely be.

Laura spent a very brief amount of time in the hospital waiting after her mother’s death. Waiting to hear the inevitable. Waiting because that was what she was supposed to do. Because that was where they brought her. Because they pretended, like doctors are wont to do, that they could save a woman who’d been crushed in an automobile accident. Doctors couldn’t work miracles and Laura resented the hell out of them for trying. And she promised herself… she swore to herself that she wouldn’t step a foot into another hospital.

And yet here she was.

Why? Why could be answered in the form of the woman who, at the present moment, was white knuckling Laura’s hand as they walked down the long, sterile, horrific hallways (and why in the hell did all hospitals look and smell the same? What was up with the crappy fluorescent lighting and the antiseptic smells?).

Laura was in deep. Deep, deep, deep. This was deep. Going to see said girlfriend’s dying mother in a hospital for God’s sake was frigging way past deep. It was bottomless. Laura was caught in a bottomless hole of whatever it was that she was feeling nowadays that was a new feeling but maybe not that new, just different, and in relation to Carmilla, and holy shit she was in a hospital.

A chime played on the intercom and she briefly wondered if they played lullabies in hell.

Mattie smiled at them. “That’s a baby. They play it each time a baby’s born.”

Carmilla smiled a tight-lipped smile at her sister and Laura followed suit. If she ever had a baby, she’d prefer to do it just about anywhere else in the world. The zoo? Fine. The mall? Sounds good. She didn’t give a damn where it was. She’d seen those kiddie pool crazy people who gave birth in their living room and yeah… a little over the top… so she just hoped someone hit her over the head with like a mallet or ether and woke her up and handed her a baby. Because if a hospital was how she got one, hell to the no. Which sucked. Cause she kind of wanted kids one day. She thought she’d be a good mom. All excited and fun and teaching them about reading and fairness and…

…Jesus, even her brain was rambling at this point.

The baby chime played four more times in a matter of minutes as they continued down the unending hallway of doom. She thought about making a joke about some swinging party someone had about nine months ago and then realized that she might actually be right.

Carm must’ve been thinking the same thing. “That’s a lot of babies.”

Laura nodded. “Must be a big money night?”

Mattie and Carm both looked at her. She shrugged because she didn’t know what she meant either. She just wanted this hallway from what nightmares were made of to end.

Finally she got her wish. And then she realized… holy shit. Don’t panic, she told herself. Don’t panic. She realized belatedly that she was going to have to meet Carmilla’s dying mother and she wondered when the hell she’d agreed to this and what the hell was wrong with her.

Things Laura expected: Tubes. Tubes were an integral part of any ICU room. Tubes connected to bags connected to machines that beeped. Tubes in noses and other orifices covered or not… but tubes. White was an expectation. Hospitals were white. Because…sterile or whatever. Or why were hospitals white? Was it because most people unfortunate enough to find themselves in one long-term had white hair? She didn’t know. Smells were a given. Blood smells and other smells. Just…smells. She’d prepared herself for those smells cause blood… you don’t forget that smell and she’d smelled it before.

Mattie had said cancer. She’d said pancreatic and Laura, being little Ms. Research, had looked it up and knew it was horrible and almost always fatal and never caught in time and it just depleted a life and here was a woman when they walked through the door…

Carmilla took two steps backwards and Laura instinctively caught her, Laura’s well-bred manners kicking in and telling her to stop Carmilla from running. Diffuse. Diffuse the Situation! Laura Jane… Don’t run yourself. Don’t run even though every cell is saying “run, dumbass.”

“Carmilla,” the woman’s voice was stately. Laura wasn’t expecting that. A proper voice. She wasn’t sure when she because a snob, but god… She held Carmilla by both elbows because Carmilla…Carmilla was about to jet right out of that room and everyone in there knew it.

Laura was glad she was strong. Not that she’d hold her girlfriend against her will, but she did want to give her a chance to acclimate before she ran away. She took a moment to study the woman. She was tall. Dark hair. Dark circles under her eyes. Her skin had a yellow hue but Laura knew that had something to do with the cancer, jaundice or whatever. She might’ve been a pretty woman. Or at least an imposing one. Now she just looked sick. And old. But sick preceded old. Sick created old. Even children who are really sick, somehow look old.

Laura wondered where the hell her brain was off to next as she was, definitely based on the inner ramblings, not in the now and present because really was there a precedent for something like this? Meeting your new girlfriend’s kind of mother on her definite deathbed? She wasn’t sure.

“Mom,” Carmilla finally uttered.

She didn’t move. But the fact she’d spoken at all Laura counted as a victory.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” the woman said.

It was painful for her to speak. Laura could tell as much. It wasn’t enough to get her to move. She figured this was Carmilla’s show. And if Carmilla wanted to back on out of there, Laura’d be more than glad to back on out with her.

Or she’d stay. If that was what Carm wanted.

“I didn’t think I’d come either.”

“Why did you?” The woman asked.

Carmilla took two steps forward and Laura dropped her arms. Mattie came to stand by her instead giving Carmilla room. “I don’t know honestly. Closure? I don’t really feel one way or another about you to be honest.”

Laura wondered if the woman lying in bed believed that lie. Carmilla was a shitty liar.

The woman nodded, lips pursed. A familiar and maybe familial gesture. “I suppose I deserve that. Who’s this?” She waved her arm at Laura.

“Someone too good for me,” Carmilla answered.

And that, Laura realized, she believed to be true. It was painful to hear her say it. And Laura wanted to correct her. She just knew that she couldn’t because Carmilla needed to believe it at the moment. But she made a mental note to correct it later. To correct it over and over again.

Carmilla’s mother nodded. “Maybe not.” She turned to Laura. “Can you give us a few minutes?”

Laura wasn’t sure how to answer. She wasn’t leaving that room without Carmilla or Carmilla’s permission. She studied her girlfriend’s face and when she finally nodded, Laura nodded back and left slowly.

She fell against the opposite wall when she made it through the double doors and into the waiting room, sliding into a chair, wondering how the hell she found herself here of all places.

Hospitals. The one place where time didn’t exist because it kept dying and being reborn. Everybody was equal in a hospital because blood will always bleed red and death will always win.

Even she was morose and gloomy in a hospital.

* * *

After Laura’s mother died, she learned about boxes. Boxes were important because their sole purpose was to hold things, conceal them, put them away and keep them safe. Emotions, or the ones that she felt after her mother’s death, were overwhelming. There was soul-crushing grief, unmitigated anger, breathtaking fear… all emotions that terrified her (and would terrify anyone) and emotions that Laura, if possible, absolutely never wanted to feel again.

So she created boxes. She labeled them and closed them and stacked them and put them in the back of her mind. Closed boxes. One could survive with boxes. Boxes taught her that things were black and white, good and bad, up and down. Boxes made things manageable by making them categorical. Things either were or they weren’t. People either did or they didn’t.

Laura was good with boxes. After her mother died, she closed that box and buried it deep, deep, deep within some dark chamber so she’d never have to feel that pain again. She never wanted to feel pain like that again. She didn’t even want to think about that type of pain.

And here was Carmilla. Her mother or so-called mother, or someone anyway, here she was dying. And here Laura was sitting in this hospital room hoping against hope that no one found that box and ripped it open. Knowing that she couldn’t think about it.

This wasn’t about her. Often times she had to remind herself of that. This wasn’t the first time but it was one of those times. Telling herself not to feel something however, doesn’t really work, Laura was aware. So boxes… boxes were good.

She had no idea how Carmilla would react to her mother’s death. No frame of reference from which to judge. She had only this stark, antiseptic hallway in an ICU in some unnamed hospital. And she had her boxes. Boxes that were creeping into the light. For years she knew she’d never meet a person that would open those damn boxes. She was strong enough to keep them hidden. She was comforted in the fact that she could compartmentalize. Good and bad. Death and life. They were different things. And they always would be.

And yet here she was. Sitting in the one place that could rip those boxes to shreds.

* * *

Five minutes turned to twenty before Laura became worried. She started to wonder if she should go back in. What was the protocol? No one had come to get her. The nurse had been in and out. But maybe that was what happened in Intensive Care? They’d moved another patient in while Laura was reading something on her phone. Through the small double doors she saw them setting up. It was a woman. Younger than Carm’s mother. Not much older than herself. Laura sighed at the ugly. Hospitals were horrible.

The flurry of movement that followed the new patient was enough to spur her to take a short walk. She found the bathroom, splashed some water on her face, sent a quick text to her friends, and grabbed a shitty cup of coffee from that vending machine thing before she went back to her post.

Except someone was sitting in her seat.

Someone entirely too young for a hospital waiting room.

Goddamn hospitals.

Before she could take a seat, the elderly woman sitting with the little girl spoke to her. “Are you Sara?”

Laura did that movie move where you look behind yourself to see if they’re talking to someone standing behind you. “Me?” She pointed to herself. When the old woman nodded, Laura shook her head. “No.”

“You’re not her Aunt Sara?”

Laura felt it wasn’t appropriate to explain to the woman that she still wasn’t Sara, even if you added the word Aunt. She’d never be Aunt anyone. She was an only child. Only children didn’t become Aunts.

“The accident… Her aunt is supposed to come. I just need to call my husband. Her father asked me to come with them. To watch her. But my husband. He’ll worry if I’m not home and I forgot my cell phone and oh it’s just awful…” The woman seemed on the break of a mental meltdown. Laura took it to be that she was a neighbor or someone maybe.

She didn’t ask.

“If you want to go call him, I mean… I’m not going anywhere.” Laura finally said. What kind of person offers to watch a random little girl in a hospital? And who leaves a little girl with a stranger?

Someone desperate.

Truthfully the woman didn’t have many options. And Laura was the best candidate as far as random strangers to leave a five year old with. The woman nodded, grateful, and Laura was momentarily fearful she wouldn’t come back. Then she realized it didn’t much matter.

She sat down in the seat the woman vacated. She didn’t even get her name. She looked at the little girl for the first time. She was wearing a school uniform. Blue pleated skirt and white top. The crest of the school was embroidered on the top but Laura didn’t bother trying to read it.

Her hair brown hair was pulled back in a blue and white checked headband, but a small piece of was loose and she kept pushing it out of her face.

“My name’s Laura,” Laura finally said.

The little girl studied her. Her eyes were darker than her hair and she looked liked she just woken up. Or been crying. It was hard to tell. “My name is Ava,” she finally said.

Laura smiled at her. “How old are you Ava?”

The little girl held up one hand. “Five years old. I had a birthday one Saturday. It was a princess birthday. I wanted a pony but my daddy said they don’t bring ponies to the city much.”

Laura nodded thoughtfully. “Your daddy’s probably right.”

The little girl played with the hem of her skirt a bit before turning more fully to Laura. “Is your mommy here too?”

Laura didn’t know how to answer that question at first. Honesty, she supposed, though it felt wrong somehow. “No. My friend’s mommy is here. She’s really sick. Is your mommy here?”

The little girl nodded. “She was picking me up today. At the bus. But a car came too fast on the sidewalk. Cause the police were chasing it. And my mommy got hurt.” She looked up at Laura. “They forgot her shoes.”

Laura was trying to even her breathing. “Shoes?”

Ava nodded. “Yeah. On the street. Her shoes were still on the street. I don’t know why she took them off. But they left them.”

Laura felt sick. She nodded but didn’t answer the little girl because she literally had nothing to say to make that better. She could see the flurry of movement and chaos that was the room her mother was in. She wagered the accident had happened hours ago. Maybe the woman had been in surgery? Maybe not? There were a lot of people, loved ones, in there crying. And here was the woman’s the little girl…

…people don’t understand what it does to the daughter, Laura thought. Her chest hurt suddenly. She had the brief urge to scoop up the dark haired little girl and run away from that hospital and from what was going to happen to her. How her life was changing in that day. Laura didn’t want to witness that change. She had no desire to see this little girl lose something that precious.

But what choice did she have? Carmilla was still with her mother. And the neighbor hadn’t returned. She noticed a coloring book and a few crayons sitting on the table next to them. To think that someone else’s child had to sit in here and endure this…Laura hated life for a moment. She picked up the book and grabbed the crayons. “Do you want to color?” She sat the book down on the small side table beside them.

Ava nodded and smiled for the first time. She was missing a tooth. For some reason that made it worse.

* * *

When Mattie came out about thirty minutes later to tell Laura they’d be leaving soon, she found Laura sitting in one of those dreadful plastic chairs with a little girl asleep on her lap.

“I wasn’t aware they were giving those away today. Heard you could only get the smaller version here, not that size.” Mattie observed, waving her hand towards the little girl.

“Some woman was with her. But she never came back. And that’s her mom in there. And no one has checked on her. And she was tired. And seriously…” Laura sighed. “I bought her a cookie because she was hungry but then she was sleepy and why has no one…”

“Do you want me to go in there and…”

“No,” Laura said quickly. “Her mother is…”

Mattie nodded. She’d seen the woman brought it. “Well, it won’t be long then.”

Laura felt nauseous at the thought.

“So no one was with her?”

“An older woman. Who went to call her husband. Or that’s what she said. That was almost a half hour ago. I couldn’t just…”

“No. Of course not.” Mattie sat down beside her. “Carm’s just…saying her goodbyes as it were. I told her to take her time. But I think she’s… she’s good with closure.”

“Are you?” Laura asked.

Mattie nodded. “You’re aren’t the only pragmatist in the world, Gidget.”

Laura nodded back. “If she comes out you guys can go. I’m sure the woman or whomever will be out…” Laura looked towards the swinging doors.

Mattie hummed but made no reply either way. She sat back in the chair next to Laura and picked up a magazine.

Laura put her hand over the sleeping girl’s ear before she spoke again. “I feel wrong witnessing the worst day of this little girl’s life,” she finally whispered. “Her life’s gonna change so much. And it’s going to be sad and painful. It doesn’t seem fair.”

She internally groaned. There was one box ripped open.

Mattie, for her part, nodded her reply. “I was about her age when my mother died.” She looked away. “Carmilla doesn’t remember her mother dying but I do. Memory is a strange thing. But I remember the smell. And I remember this man picking me up and carrying me out of the apartment. Asking me if I was okay. If I was hurt too. There was a lot of blood and one doesn’t forget that smell.”

Laura silently agreed.

“My mother’s eyes…they were dead. One doesn’t forget that either.”

Laura didn’t say anything to that. She knew exactly what Mattie meant.

“Carmilla doesn’t remember because she didn’t see. Not what happened to her mother or what happened after. But I did. And this little girl did. And she’ll remember, I wager. But maybe, she’ll also remember a pretty, young woman that colored a picture with her and bought her a cookie and held her while she slept. A woman that kept her safe even if it was for a few minutes. And maybe she’ll remember that not everything in the world is horrible and awful and in a world where your mother can be hit by a car and killed in front of your eyes, there are still people willing to pet your head and rock you to sleep. I don’t believe in fate because it’s for fools, but if I did, maybe you were sitting in that chair for a reason. Maybe you’ll add one tiny iota of kindness to an otherwise horrible day.”

Laura nodded, thankful for Carmilla’s sister more in that moment than she’d ever been thankful of anyone. She swallowed down the tears she felt forming nonetheless.

* * *

Carmilla came out a few minutes later. She’d already wiped her face dry of any tear stains. Everyone compartmentalizes, Laura thought.

It was safe to say that the look that crossed Carmilla's face though when she finally looked up at her sister and Laura was priceless.

“Did you two multiple?”

Mattie shrugged. “Yes. Our love child is five. That’s what happens when lesbians multiply. They have five year olds. Babies are the products of heterosexuals.”

“Are you gay?” Laura asked.

“Today I am,” Mattie shrugged again. “And you have to admit, if we were to have a child…” She waved at the little girl.

Laura looked down at her sleeping form. She was curled in her lap and looked all at once smaller than a five year old. But Mattie was right; she could’ve been their love child. It tickled Laura for some reason.

Carmilla’s eye roll was so massive Laura was momentarily worried they’d never be straight. “Care to explain?”

Mattie tilted her head to the side. “What do you think the explanation is? Laura and I absconded with a perfect blend of our genetics and are now running away to start a lovely little family in the South Pacific? We were just waiting to tell you in person? Or… possibly a more logical explanation like the child was here… Gidget was here… Gidget is only human and doesn’t want to leave a small human alone in a scary hospital, i.e. Gidget is watching said child until a more appropriate adult reveals themselves?”

Gidget is annoyed with the name, Laura thought, but didn’t voice. “Option two,” she did say, “in case you’re feeling slow.”

Carmilla scrunched her face. “Ah… that’s her mom,” she nodded back to the doors. “Damn…”

The other women nodded back.

Carmilla was about to sit down when the elderly woman came back. “Oh dear god. Thank you. Thank you. I was so worried. And I got so turned around and then I tried to find a phone and…” she looked at the double doors, never taking a breath. “…they haven’t been out?”

Laura shook her head. “No. But she fell asleep. She was tired and…”

The woman nodded, already distracted. She took Ava from her as if she were passing off a package. “Thanks for watching her,” she mumbled and moved the other side of the room.

The little girl didn’t wake up and Laura sat stunned for a moment.

Carmilla must’ve noticed because she moved to say something to the woman.

Laura grabbed her arm. “No. Let it go. She’s in shock. It’s okay.”

Before Carmilla could agree, a young man came through the doors. He was crying so hard Laura had to look away.

“Why don’t we go?” Mattie voiced softly.

The other two nodded.

Fucking hospitals, Laura thought.

She still hated them.

* * *

She didn't turn around and look at the tattered shreds of the boxes she left on that waiting room floor. She would never make it out of there if she did. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short, but cute texting interlude to detract from the heavy and help move along what's coming...

Carmilla hated Christmas colors. Who the hell ever thought that green and red were complementary? They were a damn disaster is what they were. Splattered over everything and everybody. Ugly sweaters and shitty music. Visions of sugar plums. Snowmen and reindeer and tiny little men with pointy shoes and ears. The whole holiday was annoying. Trying to find the right present. Stressing over if someone was getting you something. What if they did and you didn't have them anything? What do you get your art agent? The old lady who sometimes brings you cookies? Gift cards? She had no fucking clue.

All she knew was it was a dumb holiday where some big fat dude broke into houses of kids whose parents could afford the presents.

She never understood the appeal. Adults lied to children most of their childhood and then balked when their own children didn’t believe them. Her mother never bothered. And she’d carried on the tradition of not bothering.

She should have known better.

It all started the week after Thanksgiving, a holiday thankfully that Laura wasn’t that obsessed with.

“Oh my god. You do not get to be a scrooge. Like just no. Suck it up.” Laura’s arms were crossed in her now incredibly familiar angry arms pose.

Carmilla was definitely not having it. Not today. Not when Laura was wearing the fucking ugliest goddamn sweater on the whole fucking planet. “Uh, I get to be whatever the hell I am. Just because you’re all Christmas cheer and…”

Laura held up her hand and stopped her mid-speech. “I have put up with so much insanity the last six months. Like really. You are a special brand of whatever…but I draw the line at no Christmas. I just draw the line. One day our children will want a happy and merry Christmas like all children do. Think how they’ll feel. Their mother ruins the most important holiday for them. No family tradition for you, sweetie. Your mom hates happiness. Sorry you won’t fit in at school. Here’s a Kick Me sign. Let’s just go ahead and pin that on your back now. We should probably start saving for their therapy.”

Carmilla’s head hurt. Mostly because her girlfriend was a fucking nutcase. “Children? Are you for real? Hates happiness? How the hell can you hypothetically blame me for our non-existent children’s therapy bills?”

She’d told herself over the past six months that Laura was just a little bit cuckoo. But the truth was, and the fact remained, she was full on batshit most of the times. The fact she was trying to guilt Carmilla into celebrating Christmas using children who did not exist and would not exist for a VERY long time... if at all… she closed her eyes and rubbed the space between them. Would she never learn?

And why were the arguing? Why the hell were they ever arguing really? It was a weird type of foreplay that Carmilla honestly didn't want to delve too deeply analyzing.

But this time… it was freaking Christmas and Laura’s ultimatum was “we celebrate it here or we go to my dad’s" which was probably the real basis for this argument. That and the beyond ugly sweater Laura'd bought her and was pissed when Carmilla laughed and said "no fucking way."

Either way Carmilla was finally going to meet the man who was imposing enough on Laura’s almost nightly FaceTime and was probably going to be wearing something horrible and red and green when doing it.

After her mother passed, Carmilla admitted to herself that she loved Laura. She’d never said it aloud, but she’d known. Laura who hated funerals. Who was traumatized by death like she had a damn right to be. Laura who stood by her side and held her hand and told her it would be okay and she understood and that she was there. People like Laura didn’t exist in Carmilla’s world. Not really. She thought sometimes she’d even made her up. How could she be real?

And then they’d have arguments about non-existent children and how Carmilla was fucking them up by stealing their Christmas and making them targets of bullies and she’d remember that if there was a god out there he sure the hell divided. Cause Laura got compassion. But it was tempered with a healthy dose of crazy.

“I tell you what,” she started, “If we have kids, I’ll reevaluate my stance.” As soon as she said it, she knew she’d fucked up. One little word. _If._ Not _When._ She tried very, very hard not to groan.

“If?” Laura asked with an anger that was almost photo-worthy in it’s passion. “If?” She stomped so hard Carmilla was afraid that she’d stomp through the floor and fall onto the downstairs neighbors’ heads. “Good luck with your  _if._ Maybe you can find someone else who will maybe possibly put up with your major assholeness for your almighty freaking _if!”_ She screamed the last part.

It was nowhere near as loud and the door slamming.

Jesus H… Carmilla fell back against Laura’s couch. Because yes, Laura’d just stormed out of her own apartment.

* * *

After the first hour, Carmilla started to get a tiny bit worried. Enough to call the Ginger trio halfway around the globe.

“Haven’t heard from her,” Laf stated. “Which doesn’t bode well for you.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“Why are you a dumbass?” The Amazon added because she was never goddamn helpful.

“Don’t listen to them,” Perry smiled. “She’s just being Laura. Just don’t call her dad.”

No shit, Sherlock, Carmilla didn’t need to say.

“I expect we’ll be seeing you at Christmas now,” Perry added.

Carmilla sighed dramatically. If Laura was really mad about this, she definitely suspected correctly.

After she hung up with them she tried texting.

_Carmilla: At least tell me where you are so that I don’t think you’re dead. Cause that’s cruel._

_Laura:…_

Carmilla waited but the ellipses just appeared and disappeared several times.

_Carmilla: the stupid ellipses don’t tell me anything Laura or Laura’s murderer. Stop being ridiculous and tell me where you are so I can come get you or claim the body._

_Laura: Get me? I don’t need you to come get me. Did you procure an automobile in the last hour, ScroogiePants?_

Carmilla rolled her eyes and groaned to herself just because she goddamn could.

_Carmilla: Your sarcasm is beyond unwarranted._

_Laura: You cannot read sarcasm in a text. That was definitely not sarcasm._

_Carmilla: I have no idea why you’re mad at me. Like zero idea. Also, I’m in your apartment so you are somewhere else._

_Laura: You state the obvious like a champion obvious stater. Good job._

Mother of god, Carmilla thought. She was going to choke her with that irritating tinsel when she got back.

_Carmilla: Okay. I’m sorry._

_Laura: Nice try. For what?_

_Carmilla: For mistreating our future offspring that definitely don’t exist at all because you’re insane._

She was playing with fire at this point. But for the love… how much was she supposed to put up with?

_Laura: You’re a horrible mother_

Scratch her earlier statement. She couldn’t make Laura up. Like there literally was no one else on the planet that was the special brand of crazy that was her girlfriend. And she loved her. Again, she’d come to terms with it… and she figured Laura should probably be really damn grateful for that. Not that she knew… but whatever.

_Carmilla: That would be insulting if I actually had absolutely anything at all to mother. But… I don’t. Nothing. Not even a plant. So it’s not insulting. It’s just insane. You’re crazy. Seriously… like I’ve got a list._

_Laura: What's on that list?_

_Carmilla: Our children, number one. The fact I'm in trouble for something I might do in the future number two. The clothes you literally buy in stores that actually exist, number fucking three. And those are just the ones I've added today._

_Laura: Well aren't you just a methodical asshole. You’re the one dating me. What does that make you?_

Fucking A, Carmilla thought. That was a checkmate.

_Carmilla: Point fucking taken. Now come home._

_Laura: I’m good, bossypants. You do you. I’m gonna do me._

Okay. Carmilla was done. She pulled her phone out and checked the app that told her where her friends were.

And Laura’d turned off her location service.

Jesus. So it was coming down to that. The truth of the matter was Carmilla didn’t give a flying fuck about some future child that didn’t exist. Not that she didn’t… it wasn’t as if she didn’t think about a future with Laura… she did. It terrified her how much she loved Laura. She loved her enough to be scared to lose her. She thought about waking up, one day, every day really and it not being real. Of Laura getting a clue and leaving. Of the entire thing being some sort of elaborate fantasy and Laura was still with Elle and Carmilla really just dreamed the whole thing… or was drooling herself in a mental institution babbling about future children and her tiny hot crazy girlfriend.

She was a special sort of crazy herself.

But things like this… people like her… they didn’t get them. Not families or girlfriends. Not happiness.

So no. Children were scary. Relationships were scary. The future was scary. Scary as fuck.

But here was the problem. She was sitting there, on Laura’s couch in Laura’s apartment, and Laura was… wherever the hell she was doing whatever the hell she was doing. So Carmilla had a choice. The same damn choice that it always came down to. Pride or Laura.

Pride… Or Laura.

So Laura it was.

_Carmilla: I’m sorry._

_Laura: For what?_

_Carmilla: For hurting your feelings. And belittling something that is clearly important to you._

_Laura: Which is?_

_Carmilla: Our children._

_Laura: Cordelia and Angel._

Nope. Line drawn. That was the line.

_Carmilla: You are not naming our children after fucking characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Holy shit. Those are awful names. No. Just... Jesus Laura._

_Laura: We'll see_

_Carmilla: We certainly motherfucking will_

Cordelia and Angel. No way in hell her kids were going to be named after Buffy's loser friends. Not while she was alive. Then she realized she was buying into Laura's crazy because these kids didn't exist in the first place and she tried not to groan. She'd heard of it. That thing that happens to some people who were both a couple of cards short of a deck.  Folie a Duex - madness of two. When two people spent too much time together they begin to share each other's insanities. Provided the insanities existed in the first place, which they obviously fucking did.

Damn it.

She shook it out of her head and decided to revisit her new theory when the sake of her future children's self-respect wasn't in question.

_Carmilla: Where are you?_

_Laura: Where do you think I am?_

_Carmilla: I have absolutely no idea. Which is why I’m asking. Again._

_Laura: I’m at the library. Honestly, I’m not really that mad. I had some work to catch up on. I stopped being like super mad about two minutes after I left._

_Carmilla: I swear to god, Laura._

She pictured Laura shrugging. Seriously. It wasn’t really surprising. In a way… she knew Laura enjoyed the banter. And maybe she did too.

_Laura: I mean I’m like a little mad._

_Carmilla: Or you’re a little bit of a tease._

_Laura: Nope. You don't get to take it there._

_Carmilla: I’m afraid I don’t follow?_

_Laura: Oh, I think you do._

_Carmilla: Okay you caught me. What are you wearing?_

_Laura: My Christmas underwear. The lacy red ones with the little jingle bells_

_Carmilla: Where’s this library? Cause it sounds like the fun kind of library._

Except she hoped the jingle bells were an embellishment because knowing that other people could hear Laura's sexy little jingle bells... not cool.

_Laura: Also my Christmas sweater. The one I had on when I left that you called, and I quote, “fugly as fucking fuck, Laura.”_

_Carmilla: Your point?_

_Laura: Nope. Now I’m mad again._

_Carmilla: Guess what I’m wearing?_

_Laura: A scowl?_

And checkmate again.

_Carmilla: Come home._

_Laura: When has telling me what to do ever worked for you?_

_Carmilla: I can think of a time or two_

_Laura: That’s because I let you think you were in charge_

Shit, Carmilla thought. That was probably truer than she wanted to admit.

_Carmilla: Okay. So you tell me… how will I ever make it up to you?_

_Laura: You don’t wanna give me that kind of power_

The fully body shiver she got from that text was almost embarrassing. Because unfortunately, or hell maybe fortunately, she did wanna give Laura that sort of power.

_Carmilla:…Maybe I do._

_Laura: This conversation would be way more fun if you were here._

_Carmilla: Or way more illegal. I think you meant if you were here._

_Laura: I tell you what. You put the sweater on that I got you._

_Carmilla: And?_

_Laura: Nothing. Put it on. That’s it._

_Carmilla: Fuck no. Not if I don’t get anything out of it._

_Laura: How about you get a girlfriend who isn’t mad and comes home? One who may, or may not (you don’t know,) have plans for you._

_Carmilla: I’m gonna need a little more incentive_

_Laura: You aren’t getting any._

_Carmilla: Then I’m not wearing that ugly sweater_

_Laura: Then you definitely won’t know._

_Carmilla: Goddamn it._

She took her shirt off and pulled on the stupid ugly sweater. She snapped a pic and sent it.

_Laura: See you in an hour._

Carmilla sighed dramatically, which was redundant because she was alone. If she’d cared to take the time to wonder why she was so easy, she’d just be embarrassed, which would also be redundant because again…alone.

And yet… she’d wear the damn sweater. Because Laura told her to. Because Laura bought it for her. Because Laura wanted her to.

Because Laura believed in the future. In chances. In things like long-term and children and goddamn Christmas for Christ’s sake.

And because Laura was coming home. Where she belonged. Because Carmilla missed her.

Because she loved her.

Maybe Christmas wasn’t so bad, she thought, curling up in Laura’s bed. Maybe this year…

She tried to stay awake. She really did. Because she wanted to wait for her girlfriend. She wanted to tell her that she loved her. And she loved their made up children and their made up future and their really real life.

She couldn’t. She fell asleep.

And maybe there were visions of sugarplums dancing in her head.

But she’d never fucking admit it.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone a long time. Life happens. I'd tell you why, but I doubt you care. Anyway, hope someone is still reading!

The last time Carmilla had been to Austria it was Christmas. And mostly because she'd lost (or won? she wasn't sure...) an argument about Christmas and children and ugly sweaters and... it didn't matter. It was a beautiful country, and Mr. Hollis, though protective to a scary degree, was actually not as assuming in person. In fact, he was quite nice and took Carmilla's side more than Laura's (mostly because Laura's  _side_ was basically some princess hissy fit she'd thrown over something trivial.)

The ease at which she'd been accepted into the Hollis family lulled her into a sense of security. That sense led to a conversation they'd had without Laura present one evening. A conversation Carmilla played over and over in her head for months after. 

_"You have my permission," Mr. Hollis said._

_"While I appreciate it, don't get me wrong, permission for what?" Carmilla asked him._

_"To marry her," he'd answered. "When the time comes, I mean."_

_Carmilla had just swallowed her eggnog and was thankful for small miracles because otherwise she'd have spit the drink out all over her girlfriend's father. As it was, she just nodded and shook her head both, unsure of what to say except, 'what the fuck?' Which she definitely kept to herself._

_"I realize I'm jumping the gun," he continued. "But I just wanted you to know. In case... well, in case you were wondering."_

_She wasn't. Not really. Not until that moment._

And now that's all she thought about. Permission. Marriage. Laura. The future. She broke into a cold sweat every time she thought about it. She never told Laura what her father had said. And Laura never mentioned it, so Carmilla assumed that Mr. Hollis had also kept mum. Again, Carmilla was thankful for small miracles. Marriage was an abstract idea to Carmilla. One she knew other people believed in, but something she'd never really seen up close and personal herself. So she kept quiet and brooded silently. 

Because it wasn't that Carmilla didn't love Laura. She wasn't sure if she'd ever loved anything or anyone but Laura. And that was scary. Terrifying. She tried and tried to think about what she wouldn't do for Laura. The list was unsurprisingly short. Maybe even nonexistent. 

And now... they were back in Austria. For a wedding no less. Not Carmilla's and Laura's. No. No wedding bells there. Nothing even remotely weddingish on their part. No... the wedding was for someone else. Possibly the only person that would make Laura crazier than if it were her own wedding. It was a Hollis wedding. Just not Laura's.

No. It was Laura's father's. 

And Carmilla really did come to love Laura's dad. She did. And if asked (by anyone except her tiny girlfriend) how she felt about the upcoming nuptials, she would say she was happy for him. Because she was... happy for him. She just wasn't very happy for herself at the moment. Because Laura... Laura wasn't happy. Not in the least little bit. Laura was on a warpath. And though Carmilla and she had had a myriad of arguments that went from 'silly disagreement' to 'outright screaming match,' Carmilla had never seen this Laura before.

To be quite frank, she was terrifying.

* * *

 

"Laura, if you don't stop pacing..." Carmilla sighed, and let her threat go unspoken. Mostly because what the hell could she say. Telling Laura to do anything she didn't want to do was as futile as stopping a speeding bullet. And probably as painful. And Carmilla was keen on keeping her blood inside of her body if at all possible. 

"I refuse. Do you hear me, Karnstein? I refuse to wear this dress. It's ugly on purpose. You know _Marisol_ hates me," she spat the woman's name out. "What the hell kind of name is that?"

"Spanish?" Carmilla asked, wincing.

Laura spun on her. "I know it's Spanish! I'm not deficient. It's just stupid. It's a stupid name for a stupid, gold digging woman."

Carmilla nodded slowly. She liked Marisol. A lot honestly. She was warm and funny and kind. And she was gorgeous. Carmilla actively tried to find fault with the woman that had stolen Mr. Hollis's heart and couldn't for the life of her find one. Laura, however, had apparently created a mental list. A long one. Carmilla was in the middle of a war zone. And it wasn't as fucking fun as it sounded.

So she was at an impasse. Cater to Laura's insanity (the honest to god safest route) or... holy crap, she inwardly sighed. She was going to have to head this one off. She'd never forgive herself if she let Laura ruin this day for her father. She took a deep breath and decided to go all in. She just hoped her death (when Laura broke and murdered her) wouldn't interfere with Papa Hollis's nuptials. She'd feel posthumously bad about that. 

"Okay, twinkie. So I've watched this long enough. And I know that you're..." she sighed, trying to find the right word. Delicacy was important in times like these. "...somewhat upset that your father's remarrying, but I honestly don't think you want to ruin it. So maybe you can rein it in? Just for the next few days at least?"

(Years later, she'll tell this story to her grandchildren. Because she will swear, even on her deathbed, that she  _heard_ Laura's head turn).

She swallowed and braced for the inevitable. She wasn't disappointed.

"You cannot seriously be suggesting that I  _rein it in_." Laura's arms were crossed. It wasn't a good sign.

And it wasn't a question so Carmilla stayed silent.

"He's my father. Do you get that? I don't even know this woman. She just blows in one day and seduces my dad with those dark eyes and that ridiculously throaty giggle she has and... she's a witch. She has to be. She put a spell on him. That's what this is." She turned away from Carmilla. "There's that old woman in town. The one that knows about all these sorts of things." She moved to open the door. "I'm going to consult her. Maybe she has some sort of herbs or spell I can use to cast that woman out of my house."

Carmilla stood from the bed. "One Laura, witches aren't real. At least not the kind you're referring to. And two this isn't really your house. And three, you will not go into town and find a spell or whatever..." was Austria in the sixteenth century still? she wondered. "Just... no. I know you're upset," and a little spoiled, she thought to herself, "but you're not ruining your father's wedding. Have you lost your mind?"

Shit, she realized. I should've stopped at wedding.

"No, Carmilla," Laura spoke slowly. "I have not lost my mind. It's here." She pointed to her head. "Apparently I'm the only one who hasn't fallen under Marisol's spell. All of which furthers my hypothesis that she is indeed a witch. A dark one."

Carmilla rolled her eyes and prepared for the long haul. "Okay. So we have two scenarios. The first one, every single one of us, except you, have been bewitched by this woman. Or two, you aren't dealing well with this change as it were..." she noticed Laura's unhappy face, and tried smiling. "...which is understandable to say the least. And a lot more likely."

Laura frowned, but didn't speak. 

"What do you want for you dad?" Carmilla asked.

Laura rolled her eyes. "For him to be happy."

Carmilla wanted to scream but chose to wisely take a deep breath instead. "And Marisol makes him happy. Why can't you see that?"

Laura sighed and sat down. Carmilla counted it a victory. She took them where she could get them.

"I'm supposed to make him happy. Not her."

Carmilla sat down beside her. "You do. He loves you. Marrying someone isn't going to change that. Don't take this away from him. It isn't fair." She put her arm around her girlfriend. "Or right. And you know it."

Laura pouted. "I guess..."

Carmilla inwardly fist pumped. She couldn't believe it had been that easy. She chose to stay quiet since the scales were tipped in her favor for the time being. 

* * *

Carmilla was still counting her blessings when the wedding went off without a hitch. Well, except they got hitched. She wasn't sure if that was the right word or not. She'd had one too many glasses of champagne maybe. Laura sulked, but privately, and when the time came and she walked down the aisle, to serve as the only standing witness, she looked so beautiful she'd taken Carmilla's breath away. The smile she had plastered on her face seemed as real as any smile Carmilla had ever seen. Even though she figured Laura wasn't exactly happy. The fact she could turn that smile on like a light switch wasn't lost on Carmilla.

Carmilla was watching Laura dance with yet another townie. Laura said he was a cousin, but she'd said that about the last four guys. She either had a lot of cousins or Carmilla was being placated. She decided not to ask Laura. Intent on living blissfully unaware for the next few hours.

"I just love weddings," Perry said, sliding into the seat next to Carmilla. "Don't they make you happy?"

Carmilla shrugged as the rest of the ginger gang sat down beside them.

"I think they're a waste of money," Laf countered.

Carmilla shrugged again.

"How'd you get her to see the light?" Danny asked.

"I have no idea," Carmilla answered honestly. "I'm just glad she finally did. I wasn't looking forward to carrying her tiny ass out of here."

Danny nodded. "Glad it worked."

Carmilla was set to reply when she heard the clinking of a glass. She followed Danny's gaze and saw Laura standing at the front of the room. Her eyes were a little glassy and Carmilla realized she was most likely less than sober and she found herself holding her breath at what her girlfriend was about to say. 

"Can I have everyone's attention?" Laura asked the crowd. It took only seconds for everyone to get quiet. The music abruptly stopped. "When I pictured this in my head. My dad was standing here. And I was the one listening." She shrugged. "Life's funny that way." The crowd smiled. "I wasn't happy for him. Not at first..."

Carmilla swallowed.

"But... one look in his eyes and you can see how happy he is. How could I not be happy for him? I haven't seen him look at someone like that..." she faltered a bit. "...well, in a really long time. And it's so good to see now." She smiled at her father. "When I was a little girl, I asked my dad how I'd know that I was in love. He said, falling in love is easy. Staying in love is what's hard. I didn't know what he meant. Not at the time. But things change and... I know what he's feeling. It's the best feeling in the world. And I guess I'm just glad that he finally gets to feel that way again. That someone..." she focused on Marisol, "... that Marisol is the person who makes him feel that way. My dad said love was like the weather. Somedays it was beautiful and sunny and somedays it was torrential and terrifying. But it was a constant. And something we couldn't live without. He said find your person, Laura. And hold on tight. You can weather anything together. So... I'm glad he found his person. Thank you, Marisol. Thank you for making my father happy. As long as I live, you could never give me a more precious gift." She turned back to her father. "And thank you. For being my dad. And for loving me. And for teaching me what real love is. I love you." She raised her glass. "To my dad and his beautiful bride."

The crowd resounded with echoes of "cheers," as she finished. 

Carmilla was still holding her breath. Laura continued to surprise her. She supposed that was a good thing.

Once she was finished, Laura bounced over to the table as Laura was wont to do. "How did I do?"

"Wonderful," Perry answered first.

Carmilla smiled sweetly. She played the speech over in her head. Had Laura said...

"I love you," Laura bent down and whispered into her ear.

Carmilla sputtered and turned to her girlfriend. "I... uh... I love you too." They'd never said the words aloud. 

Laura winked at her. "I know, silly." Ever confident she was.

Carmilla knew too. She just... she was floored that Laura said it first. She never thought... She shook her head and tried smiling again. "You did a great job."

Laura nodded sagely. "You knew I would."

And yes, Carmilla thought. She did know. She'd stopped underestimating her girlfriend long ago. 

* * *

 Laura knew she'd have to be the one to say it first. Love didn't come easy for Carmilla. And neither did words. It didn't bother her in the least that it was at her father's wedding. She realized during the ceremony how in love her father actually was. He had that goofy grin on his face. The one Laura was copying at the moment. 

It wasn't until her father and his new bride were whisked away to leave for their honeymoon did Laura and Carmilla finally get a chance to talk. 

Carmilla was sitting at a table with Danny and Laf discussing something. Laura and Perry made their way off the dance floor. Laura plopped down on Carmilla's lap. "I love weddings."

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. "Changed that tune pretty fast; didn't you?"

Laura rolled her eyes back. "All right. I admit I was being a tad bit... over reactionary."

Carmilla nodded. "That's what you're gonna call it? And a tad bit? You were just the side of psychotic eight hours ago."

"Hey," Laura exclaimed, smacking Carm's arm. "I was merely worried."

"Your version of worrying is terrifying," Laf interjected.

Laura scowled. "Whatever. It all worked out in the end. Am I right?"

She smirked when they all nodded at her. She knew they were right and maybe she was a bit over the top. But hey, a girl had to find drama where she could get it.

* * *

 

Laura loved sleeping in her old bedroom. It reminded her of being young. Carefree. Of cocoa and snow and her parents. She figured she was a bit wistful, and really who wouldn't be? Plus they had the house to themselves, seeing as her father and his new wife left for their honeymoon. She had already changed into her pajamas when Carmilla emerged from the bathroom.

"I've never had sex in here. Is that weird?"

Carmilla's eyes got huge. "Oh my god! No. It's not weird. There are literal teddy bears sitting on the window sill. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Laura giggled. "It's so weird the times you choose to become prudish." She raised an eyebrow and bit her lip. "Sure I can't tempt you?"

Carmilla rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed. "As tempted as I am... I thought maybe we could chat. About earlier?"

Laura didn't hide her confusion. "When earlier? The wedding? My speech?"

Carmilla shook her head. "No. Uh... after. The you know..."

"The I love yous?"

Carmilla nodded. 

Laura felt a tiny bit of panic flair in her stomach. Had she read the situation wrong? She wasn't usually so impetuous. Maybe it was the champagne or maybe it was...

Carmilla must have noticed her faltering. "No. I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just that I've never... uh..."

"Never told anyone you love them."

"And meant it anyway," Carmilla answered softly. 

"Wow." Laura was rendered almost speechless. "That's... wow..."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

Laura noticed the backtracking for what it was. Carmilla Karnstein. Defense Mechanism 101. She could teach a course. She decided she better head off the broodiness quickly.

"I'm glad it was me," she finally said, putting her hand on Carmilla's cheek. "Because I meant it. I mean it. I love you. I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to."

"What does that mean?" Carmilla asked.

"It means I want to be with you forever."

After Laura spoke the words, she held her breath. 

Carmilla closed her eyes. "I'd follow you anywhere. No matter what. You're my person. You always have been. And you always will be."

Laura closed the distance between them. She kissed her softly. Only minutes earlier she'd been planning a seduction. Now she just wanted to hold her girlfriend. Sometimes Carm's vulnerability broke her heart. And sometimes it mended it. Tonight it did both.

"You're mine as well. We're in this together. Laura and Carmilla - against the world."

Carmilla scrunched her nose. "Why is your name first?"

Laura rolled her eyes at the question. "That's a stupid question, Carm."

Carmilla sighed and kissed her again. "I suppose it is, cupcake."

                                                                                                                                                                                       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters and I'm done. I hope everyone enjoys it. If you've stuck with me a year later, thank you!


	14. Chapter 14

As an only child, Laura had well... what she would call insight into human nature that people who grew up with siblings were mostly lacking. One reason she'd developed this insight was because she was forced to watch people, older people when she was a child, interact not exactly with her but around her. If you look long enough, she reasoned, you could figure out anyone's intentions or motives, be they ulterior or pure. She wanted to be a journalist because she knew how to read people. (Even in the case of someone like Elle who believed she was being sneaky... Laura'd known. She may have pretended not to know, but there were reasons there that she didn't want to delve in too deeply).

So for the past three months (ever since her father's wedding really), Laura noticed that Carmilla was... squirrelly (it took her a while to decide on that word. Sneaky was too vulgar. Suspicious sounded criminal). All in all, she'd deduced that something was up. She didn't think it was anything bad. Or at least she hoped it wasn't. So she kept quiet. And she watched. She watched a lot. If anyone had asked her how she came to that astute conclusion, she would've replied, "uh, because I'm a journalism major." But the truth was, Carmilla was never really subtle about anything. And it didn't take an applied genius to figure that out. 

But Laura... she was a watcher. That was her, Laura Hollis - Watcher. Not like a _Buffy_ Watcher or anything, because that was on TV and vampires, and vampire slayers, weren't real. At least she hoped they weren't. Nope. She was just a normal, average observer. One who took meticulous notes. Notes that she hid because if anyone else ever saw them, they'd probably have her committed. 

Even so, Carmilla had a way of surprising her. Laura would be lulled into the comfort of routine and Carmilla would find a way to jerk the rug right out from beneath Laura's comfortable, tiny feet. 

"So I was thinking," her broody girlfriend started. 

Laura waited for the conclusion of that sentence but it didn't come.

"Thinking is usually good. It means you're alive and not... I don't know... lacking cognitive abilities, I guess," Laura retorted. "Care to elaborate?"

Carmilla side-eyed her with a mock glare. Laura wished she thought she was scary.

"Ive been thinking... that, well, since you're getting a break soon and I sold those last pieces for a pretty nice commission..."

Again, Laura waited. 

"Okay," she finally supplied. "I thought we mastered the art of communication last year? Am I missing something?"

The eye roll she received this time was massively overplayed. Carmilla's sigh was just as dramatic. "I'm clearly not finished."

Laura nodded. "Clearly."

"I thought..." Carmilla dragged out the words longer than Laura would deem necessary. "...that we should take a vacation?"

"Is that a question?"

Carmilla shrugged. "Depends on your answer?"

Laura's eye roll, she felt however, was completely warranted. "Oh no... a vacation sounds like a terrible idea."

"Your sarcasm never gets old," Carmilla deadpanned.

Laura wanted to bite. She really, really did. But she decided to rein in her sarcasm for the time being. "Of course I'd like to take a vacation. Who the hell would say no to that?" 

Carmilla nodded. "Okay. So where would we go?"

Laura shrugged back. "I don't know. This is your rodeo, cowgirl. You tell me."

She watched Carmilla shake her head at the new nickname. "I don't know. I mean I did a pretty good tour of Europe when I was in school. And I mean, you're from Austria... I guess... like I've never been anywhere here. In the States. We have history too. There are so many cities, and museums, and culture." She almost looked wistful. "Honestly it's a bit overwhelming. What's your idea of a good destination?" She tried again.

"The beach," Laura piped up. 

"Care to be more specific?"

"Not really," Laura replied. "The beach. Water. Sand. Sun. Warmth. Other than that, I'm figuratively flexible." She smiled to herself. "Also, physically and literally flexible."

Gone were the days when her girlfriend would be embarrassed by that sort of statement. "I'm well aware..." Carmilla mused. "See? This is why I was hesitant," she added. "Because I knew we'd disagree on the destination."

"Are we disagreeing?" Laura was confused. 

"Do you see me?" Carmilla asked. "I'm white as snow. The beach will burn me. Like fire actually. I'll be red. And sore. And generally cranky."

"Well, the first two would be new, but I hate to break it to you but the general crankiness won't be surprising," Laura smiled. "And lo and behold, look at here, we live in the twenty-first century where scientists, and white people probably, discovered and invented stuff called sunscreen. It keeps you from burning your lily white skin. And will keep me from wanting to slap you when you're whining about it." She sighed. "But, I suppose we can compromise."

Carmilla lifted an eyebrow at that. "Compromise?"

"We can go somewhere warm. But with museums. Or art. Or whatever it is you want out of a vacation." Laura smiled.

"Are you serious?"

Laura was offended that her girlfriend seemed so shocked. "Jesus. I'm not that spoiled. I can compromise. You wound me."

"Name one time you've compromised anything," Carmilla countered.

Laura huffed. "Whatever. I'll think of something."

Carmilla smiled at her. "Let me know when you remember," she taunted.

Laura gave her the middle finger just to end the conversation.

* * *

Laura had to admit it wasn't the beach, but she was pretty cool with New Orleans. She'd put her foot down when it came to most cities Carmilla suggested because frankly she was a little spoiled, but New Orleans was a nice compromise. Even her girlfriend seemed happy.

The city was bursting with culture and it was hotter than seven hells so they both got their wish. Carmilla still had to slather herself in sunscreen, but Laura was okay with that too because she smelled like a coconut and Laura liked coconuts. 

They spent their days walking around the city and touring the outlying areas. Even the swamps, which was a new experience for both of them.

"I cannot believe alligators are real," Laura mused during one such tour.

"I honestly never know if you're serious or not."

Laura shrugged. "I don't believe in things unless I can see them."

Carmilla rolled her eyes. "Noted. I forgot you were a realist."

"Well stop forgetting." She looked thoughtful. "You think they'd let us take a baby one home?"

"No," Carmilla replied. Laura figured she wasn't budging on that.

"A girl can try," she smiled.

* * *

The last night in the city, Carmilla made reservations at a restaurant and told Laura to get ready. Truthfully, they'd been out all day and it was hot and Laura was tired, but Carmilla wasn't budging no matter how much she pouted. 

"I'd just as soon order room service," Laura tried.

Carmilla shook her head. "I'm sure. But we're going out. Deal with it."

"We're going to be tired on the flight home," Laura again tried.

"Good lord, you are the most obstinate person I've ever met. Can you just humor me for one night?"

Laura sighed. "Be glad I love you," she countered, kissing her girlfriend before going to take a shower.

* * *

The restaurant was small, but classy. They'd given them a small private table. It was candlelit and Laura had to admit she was impressed. 

After the wine, but before they'd had a chance to order, Carmilla begin wringing her hands. Squirrelly, Laura thought to herself.

"What's wrong?" 

Carmilla shook her head at the question. "Nothing. Why?

Laura shrugged. "You seem distracted."

"That's because I am," her girlfriend answered. "Look. I know that traditionally I should wait until after we order, but if I do that, I don't think I'll make it through this meal." She looked away before making eye contact with Laura again. "I've really enjoyed this vacation. But the truth is, we could go to the moon, and I'd enjoy it. Because I'd be there with you."

Laura smiled, even though her stomach was in knots. She judiciously chose not the speak at the moment.

Carmilla took her silence for what is was probably and continued. "And... before I met you... I just never thought I'd get a chance. But you gave me one. You give me one everyday. A chance to be happy. To be a better person. To live. And, I mean, the truth is... I can't see my life without you. The thought alone is terrifying. And I know it doesn't matter, but it kinda does, that it should be more official. So," she took a shuddering breath, and took Laura's hand, "Laura Hollis, I love you. More than anything. Forever. And I want to share my life with you."

Laura was so stunned, she didn't feel her slip the ring on her finger until Carmilla looked down at their hands. 

"Will you marry me?"

Laura could count on her hand the number of times she'd been speechless in the past. None of them held a candle to tonight. She felt the tears well and started nodding emphatically, afraid her crying would terrify her girlfriend... her fiancee... she finally smiled. "Of course," she whispered. She pulled Carmilla across the table and kissed her softly before pulling away. "I can't believe you beat me to it," she finally smiled.

Carmilla looked so relieved that Laura was honestly surprised. "I wasn't sure you'd say yes," she whispered back.

At that, Laura did roll her teary eyes. "Ha. You are stuck with me forever, Karnstein. Good luck getting rid of me now!"

Carmilla smiled at her and kissed her again. "That makes me pretty lucky."

Laura winked back at her. "Damn straight," she answered. "Now let's order and eat and go back to our swanky hotel so I can show you just how lucky you are."

Carmilla's eyes widened and she ushered the waiter over. "We're ready to order," she rushed out. And then shook her head. "Actually... we'd prefer takeout. As soon as possible."

For once Laura was in agreement with her. She smiled. "This explains the squirrelly-ness."

Carmilla cocked her eyebrow. "Squirrelly? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Laura chuckled. "I just realized I'm not always as smart as I think I am."

Carmilla kissed her hand. "Good thing I love you anyway."

Good thing indeed, Laura thought. And then she suddenly clapped her hands together. "Oh my god, I finally get to put my secret wedding Pintrest board to good use!" 

* * *

"I'm engaged!" Laura cooed to the woman in front of her in line. 

The woman smiled sweetly. "Congrats! You seem happy."

Laura nodded. "You have no idea," she smiled.

Carmilla had kept silent when Laura told the desk manager at the hotel. And the uber driver. And the security personnel in the airport. And the ticket counter lady. And the twelve women in line for the bathroom in front of them. But apparently she'd finally had enough. "Oh my god," she whispered, blushing. "Can you stop telling every person we make eye contact with?"

"Why?" Laura asked. "I know they're jealous but they'll just have to get over it."

"Well as sweet as that sentiment is... I honestly don't think they care that you're marrying me."

Laura laughed loudly at that. "They're jealous of _you_ , silly." She patted her girlfriend on the cheek. 

She watched her girlfriend play that over in her mind. "Probably," Carmilla finally smiled. 

Laura winked back at her. "I love you so much it's honestly stupid."

* * *

Happiness wasn't a new concept to Laura. As a child, she'd grown up to expect it. When her mother died, it shattered for a while, but she learned to compartmentalize. Always expect the unexpected, she told herself at the time. The shoe was gonna drop whether you wanted it to or not. So she'd told herself to enjoy the good and forget the bad.

And she didn't believe in reincarnation, or really any concept of spiritual judgment. But she really couldn't help but think maybe she'd done something good in her life. Something that led her to the woman who wanted to spend eternity with her. She'd told Carmilla that the girl was lucky, but she'd lied. Laura was the lucky one. Laura who found a soul mate in a distractedly beautiful artist. In Carmilla. She was more than lucky. She was happy. And for once, she couldn't think of anything that could spoil that. 

"I'm engaged," she told the first person she saw when she exited the airplane.

She knew Carmilla was rolling her eyes behind her. But she didn't care. 

"You know I'm going to call everyone I know when we get home. You should probably get used to that now." She giggled. "I can't wait to tell Mattie."

"Why would you tell my sister? Because, you know, my sister and all."

"Because she likes me better?"

Carmilla conceded the point. "Fair."

Laura smiled and kissed her in front of the entire baggage claim department. "I'm engaged," she said when the man next to her chuckled.

"Holy shit, stop that," Carmilla said.

"Nope," Laura replied.

She wasn't going to stop until everyone in the world knew that she, Laura Hollis, was the luckiest girl on the planet. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more extremely long paragraph to go! See you next week!

**Author's Note:**

> I know Elle is spelled Ell but whatever...
> 
> And I don't know Laura's middle name. Creative license, I guess.


End file.
